All during the funeral ceremonies for RR Nancy Reagan has been a striking vision of stoic loyalty. But I find her aloneness, shall we say, a little unsettling. There she stands, perched on the arm of some military general like she’s the last survivor of some epic and historic tribe. But she’s not. She has kids. Sure, they’re there, but way off in the background. This strikes me as odd.
I can’t help but think of my own dad’s death. My mom was heartbroken beyond words. As anyone would expect, she did not want to clutch at some stranger. She wanted her kids by her side. And she felt that her children were as entitled to be front and center in the ceremony and decision-making of their father’s death as she was.
Even if Nancy (and/or RR) and the kids are not intensely close, I think they should be better represented – if only for appearance sake. I mean, let’s face it, so much of this whole production is for appearance sake, right? Whoever decided that Nancy, and only Nancy, would be in the spotlight – be it RR, Nancy or the kids – made a bad decision, IMO.
I agree…but so goes the pomp and circumstance of a state funeral. I would hate it. It’s so impersonal…and a lot of responsibility to appear to grieve for a nation when you can barely keep your own shit together. I think I’d take a pass on it if I was the First Lady. I’m sure she could tell them how she wants it done. This is just tradition, and I’ll bet she feels she has to do it for the rest of us.
Actually, I’m watching the funeral right now, and Patti Davis is right next to her mother. The shot isn’t wide enough to tell, but I’ll bet Ron Reagan is either on the other side of Nancy, or next to Patti.
When my mother died, my father, my siblings and I sat together; my mother’s siblings, our spouses and our children right next to or behind us.
When my father died, the seating arrangments were:
Children on one side of the first row, siblings on the other
Grandchildren and children’s spouses in the second row.
When my mother in law died, the seating arrangements were:
Husband and siblings on one side of the first row, children and grandchildren on the other.
Children’s spouses, nieces and nephews in the second row.
Spouses and children of nieces and nephews in the third row.
I don’t think there is one “right” way to do it, but there always seems to be an order.
I thought her “aloneness” was odd (but not creepy). When they arrived in D.C. and showed the “goings on” at the airport and such, Nancy was with the “military escort”. I wondered why her son didn’t escort her during that time and today. Maybe it’s part of the “tradition”. I don’t know. But it seemed odd to me because at the funerals I’ve attended, the widow/widower was always escorted by one of their male children or a male family member, YMMV of course.
I give her a LOT of credit for the way in which she’s holding her own during all of this. God bless her and give her peace. I’d be a wreck.
I started crying today when she broke down at the final funeral. When she laid her head on the coffin and started started sobbing, the military escort just stood there. (I’m sure the poor guy didn’t know what to do in that situation. Should he break with “tradition” and try to comfort her?) I was so glad when her children came to her. She desperately needed someone to hold her at that moment.
I felt so sad for Nancy today; I didn’t watch the final service, but it came at what surely must have been the longest day of her life for Nancy. She’d been so stoic (and isn’t that typically Nancy?!) all week, but somehow I just had a feeling that she might break down at the burial/interrment, and she did. I think the finality of it all just set in all at once. And yes, Patty and Ron Jr. did come and comfort her.
I think the military escort was probably part of the State Ceremony of it all, and something that both she and the President wanted–according to reports, the funeral had been planned for some time, I mean that the plans had been made for what to do, etc. Nancy and Patty were estranged for some time, and maybe when the plans were originally made, they were still estranged–I don’t know, and then they just didn’t change them. But Patty and Ron Jr. were both there for their mother; I noticed Patty giving a lot of support at the service at the Library before they came to DC earlier this week. Nancy seems to be in good health, but now I wonder how long she’ll want to continue without her beloved Ronnie. I do hope that she’ll lean on her children and the rest of her family for support and I’m sure that they’ll be there for her as best as they can. It certainly has been a long and trying (and that’s an understatement!) ten years for her, especially seeing her husband slipping further and further away every day. My thoughts and prayers are with the family and especially with Nancy.
You know what pissed me off a little? When Nancy’s head touched the casket, the cameras started clicking rapidly. When her children approached her, they began clicking even more wildly.
I know it’s the photographer’s job to get “dramatic” shots, but it just seemed so terrible that this woman had to know that her agony was being avidly pounced upon by the media.
Now I’m left wondering how much of the week-long “ceremony” was approved/designed/requested by the Reagan family. I imagine if Nancy really wanted a quiet, low-profile funeral, she could have asked for one, and wrapped everything up in three days. Since they didn’t, I wonder how much of the high-profile publicity was because the family wanted it.
The whole thing was planned back in 1981, during Reagans first term. Presidents are asked to decide what to do when they are first elected. I wonder if Nancy regrets their decision to go with the whole state funeral thing now.
Doubt it. She’s one tough cookie and dedicated to her husband and his career. Judging by the memoirs the children have written (both Michael and Patti have done so), her husband and his career always came first.
This funeral was planned long ago, and if she didn’t want to do it this way, she wouldn’t have. Being in the media limelight for several decades, she knew exactly what effect her actions at the casket would have, and if she wanted to say goodbye to her husband away from the cameras, she would have.
BTW, this is not meant as criticism. Rituals such as state funerals are very important. They serve as reminders of our shared history. They also create history. Remember JFK Jr.'s salute as his father’s funeral cortage passed? For better or for worse, that helped establish him in the public eye.
While I woudn’t have wished ten years of Alzheimer’s on my worst enemy, and I recognize that she feels terrible at losing her husband of many years, don’t forget that she’s had plenty of assistance from the best nurses and doctors that money and power can buy. And she’s fortunate that Reagan was a very good patient, who wasn’t the violent and wandering type (according to his doctor, in a New York Times article). He was also the only Alzheimer’s patient with his own Secret Service escort at all times. The doctor told one story of how Reagan would spend hours at the pool, using a net to fish out the leaves. The agents would, outside his sight, drop them back in.
Contrast that to a friend of my family, an 82-year-old man, who’s taking care of his 83-year-old wife with Alzheimer’s, because the family is in deep denial that they need help. Just last week, they were out in the back yard (which fronts a canal) when she went in. He jumped in after her and managed to hold her up while a neighbor, who happened to be outdoors at the time, lowered a ladder and helped them out. Whatever horrible things happened to Nancy Reagan, she never had to deal with that.
Lissa, for what it’s worth, chances are excellent that no one in the family noticed the camera clicks. Nancy was drowning in grief, and the kids were focused on comforting their mom. Someone could have set off a cherry bomb and it would not have diverted their attention.
My thoughts and prayers are with the family and especially with Nancy.