There was this girl about 8 years younger than me that I met at karaoke. We hung out a few times, took some weekend trips, nothing ever happened between us. I stopped hearing from her for a while, then she called me up asked me to meet her in this parking lot so I did. She told me she needed a way to get money to pay this fine or she was going to go to jail. It had something to do with drugs and she wanted to sell me her car so she could pay the fine. I told her I had no money but if she went to jail I’d do what I can to meet her. Fast foward about 6 months and I stil hadn’t heard from her. I went to a karaoke show where one of the waiters was a friend of hers and a former partner (if you know what I mean) When I asked him what ever happened to her he said she passed away. I had to press him for information and he said it happened three months ago, but he didn’t know anything else. I don’t know if I should believe him or not, if he is telling the truth should I feel bad that I don’t feel anything?
I don’t think so, Manny. She was merely an acquaintance, not someone special, and I think you probably already distanced yourself from her for various reasons.
I don’t think you need to feel bad about the neutral feelings you’re experiencing.
Manny - don’t beat yourself up. There’s no right or wrong to how you feel about a loss, and it isn’t healthy to torture yourself by saying “but I SHOULD feel something!” Because if you should, you would.
Certainly, it’s sad when people die - any people - but if every death affected you on a deep level, you’d never have a chance to pay attention to life. If this were someone you had a serious relationship with, or who was a very significant part of your life, I’d be concerned that you were in some kind of denial about the loss. But since you weren’t super close to her, and (from what I can tell) didn’t have a tight emotional attachment to her, it’s perfectly understandable if her death doesn’t have too much of an effect on you.
In short, I’m sorry about your ‘friend’s’ death, but you shouldn’t feel guilty if it doesn’t strike you as much of a loss.
Manny: I agree with Kn*ckers that there’s no right or wrong. You feel the way you feel. That aside, it seems to me that you do care on some level, and you are affected by her death. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so troubled about what you perceive to be an absence of feeling.