I gave him a bird and he threw me out on my butt.

My name is Elwood and I’m Spect’s cat. I’m black and white and I’m half siamese, although I don’t look like it.

I’m here 'cause I’m channeling through Spect (he thinks that he’s browsing mpsims) after all that’s how we cats control the world.

I’ve been on the prowl all morning. It’s cold, I’m cold. I’m about to give up on the idea of breakfast when I hear leaves crackling nearby. I crouch down and peer over a mound of leaves. Grackle at 1:00. All systems go into attack mode.
Ears back?
Check.
Whiskers back?
Check.
Tail down?
Tail down??
Check.
Legs cocked?
Check.
Claws honed?
I hope so, cause it’s too late to do anything about them now.

Out of the sun I spring.
I nail him!!
One snap and a quick shake and he’s mine.
I sit back for a moment and contemplate my catch. A bit scrawny but it’ll do.

So now my heart rates back to normal. I’m even purring a little bit. It’s miller time. I pick up my bird and head into the house. No ones in the bedroom, that’s where I’ll make my table.

I’m a fussy eater, I hate feathers. I just have to remove them before devouring dinner.

Picture this. Like a cameo on the carpet, a naked bird carcass is centered on a background of black feathers and black down. Haute cuisine never looked this good.
I’m about to chow down when Spect sees me. I try to grab the bird and run, but he’s quick. Not like a cat, but he’s quick. He slams the bedroom door before I can get through it. I’m stuck in a corner. I hiss at him. Do you know how hard it is to hiss when you’ve got a load of bird in your mouth? Trust me, it’s hard to do. I couldn’t hiss and hold on at the same time. I tried hard to flip the bird, but I dropped it. Spect grabbed it and threw it outside. Then he grabbed me, shouted some gibberish, and heaved me out the door after it.

Bastard!

I’ll get him. I’ll shit in his shoes!

Elwood

Well, Elwood, did we learn anything from this little lesson?

His owner would have preferred a mouse?

You next gift won’t be quite dead, just bleeding and squeaking.

What a terrific post… for some odd reason it’s just what my brain needed right now… Thanks, Spect! (Err… Elwood)

This really is a great post! I’m still laughing. Thank you SpectBrain and Elwood

So tell me…if you can control his mind enough that you can make him type up your story on the SDMB, why can’t you make him let you back in? 'Cause you cat’s have all that power and stuff.