I’ve been fairly quiet here on the boards as of late, and part of that is due to working diligently at my job for long hours (until the traffic goes away, anyway - which can take a while), then coming home and being too sick of typing all day to log onto the Dope. No good deed goes unpunished, and I’m now an Assistant Manager! Yay!
The previous people at this position had this as their business cards:
[Name]
Ass. Man.
[Company]
This looks more like a very terse description than a job title. No, I’m going to go whole hog and just be an AssMan. I’ve already got more perks: a bigger desk, with real drawers that open and close for all my needs. A cubicle to hide my magnificence from prying eyes while I work (really, one wall, a desk division, and a partition stolen from elsewhere around the office that threatens to fall over when people walk by). A phone, with my own extension (still labeled in the directory as the previous occupant of the cubicle, but we have the same first name so it all works out). Gravity provided free of charge, so all my pens and cables don’t float away. All the air I can breathe. A clear space in front of my monitor for action figures, so Dante can ride the Aflac duck into battle against the Alteisen for my amusement! A healthy bonus to my paycheck! And, finally, a place on the company org. chart that grants me dictatorship over the peons below me! Bwa ha ha!
Things are definitely looking up, but I’m not one to wallow in self-glory. Tell me, what kinds of unimportant perks do you get at your place of business?
unlimited coffee.
It’s even halfway decent coffee.
We get treated like crap a lot. That seems to be the major perk.
Free breakfast foods. I work nights at a hotel and set out breakfast in the morning. It’s usually sausage gravy and biscuits. I thought I wouldn’t be allowed to have any, but a few weeks back my manager (the GM-guy) started coming in and eating in the mornings. He would ask if I had ate - if I said no, he fixed me a plate. Incredibly nice thing for him to do that day. Our owner came in a week later. Same deal pretty much. Said that it was a good thing for us to sit down and eat with guests if we weren’t busy - that it made us friendlier.
Also, GM got me a new wireless router for work so I could use my laptop instead of our company’s desktop for the internet. It serves a few other purposes, but he was running wires until I asked about wireless.
And they are working on taking out the 30" television that is out for employees to watch and replacing it with a nice HDTV set in the lobby that we can watch. He said that it would be big enough for us to see from the desk (I would hope, at 20 ft.) and we could use a better looking lobby. I won’t complain about that.
Of course, I did fill out a few application recently. Not because I dislike this job, but because I am looking at similar jobs that pay more. I can’t turn down more money for a job I don’t have much chance of advancement at anymore (GM wanted to train me to do GM-stuff, then transfer me when I graduated college, but he is moving to North Carolina at the end of July to start a new job and I can’t blame him, but my training chance is going with him…)
Brendon Small
Perks? um, indoor plumbing??
I work for the gummint, so perks, in theory, do not exist. However, we do have a couple of good deals.
*Flex hours - I do 6-2 so I get pick of the best parking and I get to go home while the day is young.
*Health and Wellness - we get up to 3 hours a week, no more than one hour a day, on the clock to get some exercise. We’ve got a gym of sorts, so I can climb on a treadmill and clear my brain for a short time.
*Credit hours - we can accumulate and use up to 24 hours, so if I have to stay late for stoopit meetings, I can use the accumulated hours to bug out early for the weekend if I want.
*Back to the indoor plumbing - we have pretty nice shower facilities that go along with the Health and Wellness bennie.
*Lockers in each cube - I’ve got a place to tuck away my emergency umbrella, a jacket (I’m always cold in the office), my snack stash (OK, so it’s some tea bags and artificial sweetener), my little lunch cooler and my purse. It’s so much nicer than trying to cram personal stuff into a cramped desk drawer. Up till this minute, I didn’t think of it as a perk.
Best of all, not a perk, but I can retire in Jan 2010 - and I’m counting the days
I get free housing! Of course, most of my free housing has been in really crappy countries where you can’t drink the water and the power comes from giant, noisy generators but, hey, it’s free. And right now I have really nice, free housing in a nice country. Yay me!
My company pays for my internet connection and my phone. Gotta love that!
One of the things that I like about my company is all the “little perks”. They really go out of their way to be nice. And by nice, I mean completely fucking awesome in every way.
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Free sodas and bottled beverages, coffee, tea, hot chocolate and popcorn. They ask new people what soda they like so they can stock it, and it’s an impressive selection.
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Free CostCo/Sam’s memberships.
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Paid half of gym membership.
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Assigned parking spot (even though said parking spot has, like, 15 spaces. I don’t totally understand that one).
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Recreational Internet use is allowed with pretty much no restrictions (I’ve seen people go to NSFW sites, it’s no big deal, we’re adults. Nobody pushes the limit by watching porn or something.)
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Video games in the breakroom.
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Use of the scanner/copier/mailroom services.
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Free lunch on Fridays, nice lunch from the restaurant of employee’s choice on birthdays.
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Wicked parties. So far we’ve had open bar all the time too.
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A couple ‘flex’ days a year where you get a half day that doesn’t count against PTO.
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Other random perks once in awhile, like food, surprises, getting offered free equipment and furniture occasionally.
I love my freaking job. Compare to my last job, the perks were:
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…um, I got flowers once on my birthday (was there for 4.5 years).
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A really lame Christmas party for management only. They wouldn’t even order food, a manager’s wife cooked until he got fired, it was casseroles and jello dessert type food. It was during the workday at least but was scheduled for 1.5 hrs, at which point you were pretty much told GTFO, and shooed back to your desk. Joy.
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Occasional food. Most memorable was the time we had meat, bread, and ketchup and mustard provided for “sandwich day”. No mayo, cheese, or anything else. Everything was cheap generic. We have several vegetarians (self included) who had nothing to eat, despite being told not to bring food that day. Oh, and once we had “sundae day” which was a scoop of the cheapest possible ice cream. No toppings. Both times, management (self included) was required to sit with the items to make sure nobody got more than one sandwich or scoop of ice cream.
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Free products from our project. But then again the client paid for those.
I’m self-employed, so I guess my biggest perks are being able to work in my PJs all day if I want, and being able to surf the net any time I want without anyone complaining. 
I think I have a great job I work ninety percent of the time in the bush working on forest management research. As such I am normally working alone. Greatest perk, I don’t have to deal with people. That and I’m pretty much my own boss in as much as, so long as the job gets done I’m not listening to anyone complain. After 16 years of help desk and technical support, not having to deal with people is a huge bonus.
:eek:
So, umm, how YOU doin’? and where do you work and who do I have to kill to get a job there?
Not many perks at my job. Free coffee and dealer cost on stuff, most of which I’ll never need. I do get unlimited web surfing though.
Well, Sir, your post has caused me to cackle like a rooster at sunrise. This is one of the funniest things I have read in quite some time. As a fellow Ass Man I felt it my duty in the very least to let you know that you , Sir , are a funny individual of the highest caliber. The aflac duck comment brought me much joy I must confide in you. I wish that I had a list like Fluiddruid to share but my job is pretty much work , work , work all day long one of the greatest perks is that they allow me to peruse this board when I’m not servicing our customers at pretty much my leisure. Be sure the customers come first, but , Sir , your posts are just the reasons I come here . I do get to inspect and drive the newest and finest vehicles Dodge releases for sale and I must tell you that can be quite fun sometimes. Don’t think I would abuse any of the vehicles as they are not mine and I take only premium care of own and my wifes and family’s vehicles. I thought it least worth sharing with you , however . Most of what I must do at my job is more of a boss like nature , making sure everyone is about their jobs but be sure I do so with a very fair hand and a sense of humor not unlike yours. I and *most * of my employees enjoy my sense of humor except those who I don’t joke with and it’s only because they are reticent to do their jobs without my constant supervision. In any case you have a great day .
When I read the title I thought you worked here.
Where I used to worked one of the sales guys had some interestingly-named accounts: Seattle House Of Hose, Nicewonger, and Assmann Electronics. I asked him how to pronounce ‘Assmann’, assuming it was something like ‘Ahs-mahn’ (i.e., German pronunciation). He, a gay guy, answered in a very camp accent ‘ASS-Man!’
Free tickets here. Top that!
Also, uneaten and undrunk(?) food and beverages from the concessions stand. And tips, but not much of that. Oh, and 5-15% discounts at most restaurants and many stores in town.
I had two totally awesome perks and my old job
1)all the free books I wanted. Heck I could call up a published and ask “can I have all the previous novels by X?” Woot!
2) On my pay stub, it described by job location as “Internet HO.” This was supposed to signify “Home Office - Internet Division” but it was pretty awesome.
I work for a large Southern Company that is often excoriated for its health insurance.
One thing I found out from a coworker? The company pays 100% for transplants. Her husband got two, yes TWO. Did you know you could get two? I didn’t. Liver transplants b/c he had hep C.
Liver. Transplants. I’m going to work there forever, just in case.
Self-employed. Best job ever.
I only get charged a dollar for any item I buy at work.*
*[sub][sub]I work at Dollar Tree[/sub][/sub]
Lots of free food and drink left untouched from catering orders.
Whatever office background music I want.
We have a monthly staff meeting with a catered lunch, and it’s always something good, often frou-frou food from a place none of us would normally patronize. It always includes a birthday cake with the names of those celebrating that month. Occasionally we hear over the paging system that there’s free food in the other conference room, leftover from someone else’s staff meeting. The Coke bottler just put up the price of cans in our machine to 80 cents, so sales dropped off to nil, and the company installed a water cooler.
I can use the web on my desk computer, although it’s restricted for security purposes on other machines, and I can play with all the millions of dollars’ worth of electronic equipment I wish. Occasionally, a record company will send us a promo CD of something new, but we’re not a rock music station, so we can have them if we want them. For instance, I got the super-deluxe gatefold limited edition of Bruce Springsteen’s “We Shall Overcome” with the extra tracks and the bonus DVD, for free!