Yeah, I know thatfeeling, alright. I am reminded of a song (I’m always reminded of a song):
The queen of diamonds let you down,
she was just an empty fable.
The queen of hearts you say you never met.
Your twisted fate has found you out,
and it fin’lly turned the tables.
Stole your dreams and paid you with regret.
(Eagles, Desperado (Reprise))
The sad truth is that I no longer have the required level of trust to have any chance at a relationship, even assuming a woman who wanted me–I would expect betrayal and rejection from the start. This is just the way it is.
(And, besides, I’m not about to move out of North America with hockey season coming up.)
Mysterecks-
I know how you feel. My husband left me eight years ago-finaly-took him two years to decide between me and the kids or the hoe. After trust is gone it is almost impossible to let someone in again, it just hurts too bad.
Take a break from looking for someone. Try to become satisfied with yourself and your life as it is now. Once you are happy, perhaps the willingness to trust will come back.
I thought I would never find anyone. I gave up, too. Just concentrated on the kids, work, and what I wanted to do. After five years of being single again, I was happy- or at least content- with my life. I allowed myself to be myself, doing what I wanted to do, go to junk stores, listning to the music I like, going places I wanted to go. Frequently-most all the time- by myself.
Out of the clear blue sky, Mr. Right comes along. Totally unexpected, met him almost by accident. It feels like I’ve known him forever. We match perfectly. And I have my own set of oddities, insecurities, and just good old fashoned psyco-pathology.
The point is, once you are happy with yourself, no matter how different you are than the “norm”, or what is percieved as the norm, you will be able to find the right woman, and trust her.
Don’t give up, just take a break and be who you want to be.
Don’t forget what a little old English lady used to tell me. She always said “Keep your pecker up-you know in England, that means chin” (She thought she was being real naughty.)
Sorry about the long speech. Sometimes it is hard to say what you want to say succently.
Be honest with yourself. When I’ve found myself wallowing where you are wallowing, I eventually come around to the reality check that it’s not true that there is no woman out there who will have me. As you have been rejected, you also reject. Maybe not blatantly, but there are women you have not considered, because you think you can do better. It’s human nature.
This is SO true. Works both ways. I have rejected, I am rejected. I don’t think I am “picky”, but I see no future with a guy who parties too much (IMO) and smokes, for instance. Could be a completely great guy, (and who has the bad taste to like me) - but if there are elements about him that I am confident won’t work, it won’t work. No use in wasting his time.
Of course, there is a difference between “rejecting” someone over smoking (which I think has some merit depending on the circumstances, IMO) and “rejecting” them because they are not tall enough. I think it’s a HUGE difference, maybe I’m wrong. But some soul-searching should be done by anyone, to decide if they are rejecting for shallow, or for substantive reasons.
With all that said, I will repeat that I think you are a great catch, Mr. E. Just relax, and BOOM! One day she’ll be there!
I also think BlinkingDuck has excellent advice. Really. Especially about not trying too hard to be “nice”. Getting into debates and talking about real “issues” will give the woman a real idea of what kind of guy you are. It won’t turn her off - unless she HATES your ideas. In which case, it wouldn’t work anyway!