Are you saying that this stuff has happened to me and I just didn’t know what was going on? Because I ride on the subway pretty often and I’ve never noticed that. I’m not saying these things never happen – I just think it would be bizarre to have it be a yearly occurrence.
Slit, you just don’t get it. You’re a woman. You’re probably raped on the way to work every morning. You just don’t notice.
I don’t know. Perhaps you aren’t attractive to the average groper?
Are you insinuating that I’m lying about what I’ve experienced? Because that’s what it’s beginning to sound like.
Even though I wear the new Secret deodorant that’s strong enough for a man but made for a rapist?
No, I’m just saying it sounds like maybe you live in a highly dangerous area or something because I’ve never experienced this or seen this where I live. I mean, maybe women are being groped and I just don’t notice it but I find that unlikely. I don’t think you’re lying, just that your experience doesn’t sound typical.
I think my experience was typical, for the time. Like I said, this went on about twenty to thirty years ago. And believe it or not, women didn’t freak out so much about it then. If somebody groped you, you moved away from that person. If somebody flashed you, you looked away and kept walking. I never reported it. I never thought it a big deal enough to be reported.
If this sort of thing is happening with less frequency now, I applaud our feminist progress. I just figured it wasn’t happening to me anymore because I got older and fatter though.
Dangerous area? Not especially. Bungalow belt Chicago. I live in more dangerous Rogers Park now.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.
I have a couple female friends who have been fairly frequently groped and/or assaulted, so yes it is a big problem for some people. I’ve only been groped once. Many women I know well enough to have discussed the topic have never been groped at all.
Note that people are confused by Alice say that it happens to women all the time. Not that it did happen a long time ago, but that it still does and that doesn’t jive with our experience in more recent times.
I don’t think guys getting groped is that big a deal. Hell most would welcome it if they thought the person was hot.
I think it is a big deal.
Sorry it happened to you, rostfrei. It’s not OK for people to touch you without permission. Your feelings are understandable; part of that is shock.
Also I’ve been groped quite a lot(female, 29). Most recently on the bus. I can handle it better now than when I was younger - used to go home and cry. Now I stand up for myself. The feeling of being shocked by it is always the same, for that I am glad as if it doesn’t shock me then I may be on the way to accepting that it happens. But again, it’s not acceptable.
Because the average woman isn’t physically as strong as the average male rapist I’m tending to agree with being groped not being such a big deal for guys but the suggestion that they’d welcome it, even for flippancy, might be found to be a bit misplaced if you’ve had it happen to you.
Ive been groped by gay dudes and it can be annoying, but it’s just not that big a deal. I’ve learned that a grope from a gay dude is like a wave hello. There is no malice intended. It’s a compliment basically.
Ah well I usually keep to Hi and You look nice but as a local custom it sounds quite friendly. Maybe it’s different when the ageing priest does it.
I don’t get all the pity posts for the OP. This sounds like a garden variety come-on. Kind of exciting, almost could have been a Penthouse Forum letter.
i’m a straight dude and i don’t like it when i get grabbed down south - over the pants. it’s not a shape that’s very receptive to open grabs. even a glancing caress doesn’t do much. it’s got to be enveloped.
as for getting handsy with women? when boozed up and on the dancefloor sure. i put my paws on hips, butts, and even a breast or two. in public? in daylight? i don’t see the brazen attacks on women on public transportation and i’m hypervigilent and ride the bus/metro every single day. i’ve seen people stare. i’ve seen people stand uncomfortably close. i’ve seen women hold onto a pole or strap for balance and the guy puts his hands near, or around her hand. i’ve seen sniffing. but outright jabs to the bosom, buttocks, or vag? never. well… once, and that was debatable - and the lady freaked out and made a huge scene.
(emphasis mine)
[pedantic nitpick]
PLEASE let’s not allow this misuse of “jive” for “jibe” get out of hand. It’s already ghastly enough that we’re subjected to the whole “loose” / “lose” thing; let’s try to nip the “jive” / “jibe” problem in the bud. OK?
[/pedantic nitpick]
Ummm… wait a second. Didn’t you just basically call a groper and a rapist the same thing? That’s really quite wrong, you know. They’re not the same thing at all.
Andrea Dworkin might say they are, but she’s a total nutburger. Try to be a bit more careful in the future.
We loose something from our language every time our words don’t jive with their historical meanings. Let’s nip this problem in the butt before it becomes a mute point.
“But this one’s eating my popcorn!”
Thanks for your generous advice but I see that I’ve been hopelessly unsuccessful in conveying my point. I think a man sexually harassing a woman is an alarming sight because that man has proved himself oblivious or indifferent to boundaries and should therefore be suspected of being capable of taking this imposed method of gratification further in which case the woman might be less able to defend herself than a man. It is only after raping that I’d like to see the guy locked away with a rapist’s sentence.
For the same reason I consider the milder forms of sexual harassment when committed by women of negligible significance. Unless done to children.
Did he try to shake your hand?
Joe