ForumBot, no editorializing here. But don’t talk so much please. there is about a 90% correlation that when a talker and a silent type go at it, the talker gets his ass whopped.
Actually you sound like a guy trying to rationalize his own feelings of inadequacy. Not that I think you should have hit the guy but it sounds like you think you should have hit him but were afraid of the consequences and that makes you uncomfortable.
Every self defense instructor I’ve ever had says says the bigger man walks away. It isn’t until your life actually depends on it that you start beating someone to a bloody pulp.
Maybe it’s just a martial arts thing. They were pretty clear with us when we got our black belts that our training gave us the confidence to avoid such situations, and know when not to use our skills. They even said that with our training, if we go after someone when our life isn’t in danger and mess someone up bad enough the court isn’t too likely to buy “self defense” as a defense.
Perhaps you did not follow through with your self defense classes far enough?
So the reason you didn’t hit him back isn’t because you believed it was the morally correct thing to do. It was because you thought you might lose control and kill him. That doesn’t seem to me to be a sign of maturity. It seems to be a dangerous inability to recognize the shades of gray between ‘‘forgettable bar-room scuffle’’ and ‘‘gladiator-style fight to the death.’’
I respect you for remaining committed to nonviolence ever since the third grade – I’m one of those people who gets violent urges I refuse to act on, and I respect how difficult it can be not to act on them. That in itself does show a great deal more maturity, certainly, than the asshole who punched you in the face.
But seriously, dude… you’ve got some more work to do. Whether it’s correct your dangerous notions about what it means to be in a fight or accept that you aren’t nearly as powerful as you think you are, that’s up to you to figure out. But something’s not right in the way you’re thinking about this. Your refusal to let it go even after the guy apologized is just another indication of this mental block you have somewhere that tells you there is some injustice to be avenged and you happen to be a mature enough guy not to give the perpetrator the unholy thrashing you apparently feel he deserves.
You are to be commended for walking away and not escalating the violence, but what I find concerning is this conviction in your heart that not hitting him back was somehow an act of mercy.
Several posts with very good advice that you should think about.
One other thing to ponder is that today there a lot of people who are armed with guns or knives. Hitting one of these guys might well result in your demise.
I understand that most men who got hit as you did and do the right thing by walking away, are going to brood about it for a while, thinking of all the things you should have done. It takes guts to walk away from an out-of-control idiot, and once you have done so, you should make every effort to forget it, and certainly not go back and confront him again.
True enough. If someone says something snippy to me at work, that takes a few hours to get out of my system, even (I’ve had trouble with conflict-avoidance, so it is difficult for me to figure out when it is time to stand up for myself and when it is time to let things go).
We’re on a message board.
But I didn’t fight him. I was in a house with lots of people, there was no chance of me being in any real danger besides maybe another suckerpunch.
I have no doubts that I could have very easily lost. I have no idea how skilled he may or may not have been. But in fighting, regardless of if I’m winning or losing, my psyche changes completely to something I’m not comfortable with.
So yes, I have two reasons for not fighting. One is personal–I don’t like myself when in a fight–and the second is that I don’t condone violence except in extreme circumstances.
Which you know from your last fight in third grade.
Wow, is this thread in the wrong forum.
How do you know you are such an out of control Chuck Norris berserker if you have never been in a real fight? No, third grade tumbling does not exactly count as a fight. I am not saying you are rationalizing, I don’t know you from Adam, maybe you are Chuck Norris’s tougher brother, but I can’t tell you how many people I have heard try to justify walking away from a fight THEY think they should have fought, with claims of pacifism. The real pacifists I’ve met never tried to justify their refusal to fight. Most people tend to respect the guy who walks away from the drunk idiot, you seem to think otherwise.
Men with anger management problems report similar emotions when they explode, I don’t understand why it should be such a fantastic leap of logic to connect my experience with the knowledge that other people experience that.
What’s your suggestion, start a fight just to make sure I’m not over it?
Oh, I’m very, very well aware of this board’s disdain for idealism. That’s why we’re in happy MPSIMS land where everyone farts rainbows and sunshine 
I sent that kid to the hospital when I bit a piece of his cheek off. What do you suggest, start another just to make sure? I mean, it’s been a while, you’re right, I’m not sure what I would do in a “real” right. But I’d much rather play it safe.
I am starting to get the impression the guy may have hit you for reasons other than those you have stated…
nevermind
nevermind
Which is why you should try to avoid fighting with people who aren’t the fightin’ type. They don’t know the rules. They can’t tell the difference between a hit that hurts and a hit that does damage. They will escalate faster than you expect.
And then there are the folks that are terrified of a fight because they’re armed. That fear in their eyes isn’t you. That’s them trying to figure out when it’s justifiable to stop you.
Ya know, I have no idea what you are talking about. I have never fought somebody that didn’t want to fight. Nor have I ever seen someone look at me with fear in there eyes because I’m not a threatening or aggressive guy. Nobody has ever tried to figure out when it is justifiable to stop me either, no one has ever had to. I’ve been in my share of fights but I have never attacked anyone. In other words, what’s your point?