I Got You, You Lying Sack 'o Shit!

About the only thing you didn’t do wrong was drive a Lincoln Navigator (I’m only giving you that one because they’re legal if incredibly horrible SUVs)

There was a lot about your claim that didn’t make sense:
Why 2 tvs in one car? (not just in there, but wired in the car for use!)
If it’s your car, why does Colorado show someone else as the owner?
If it’s your car, why doesn’t the bank who has the loan on it know who you are?
If you had $20,000 in stereo equipment in the car, why don’t you have any receipts? And why can’t you tell me what store you bought the stuff at?
I’m sorry to hear that the thief wrecked your car, that’s just awful. Say, that’s a really nasty gash yiou have on your head. You’d better get that looked at.
If the car was stolen, and you have all the keys like you say, how did they steal it without breaking & defeating the steering column?

What’s that? No, I’m sorry. The damage to the car exceeds it’s market value. It’s definitely a total loss. Yes, that’s very gracious of you to ask only $10,000 for necessary repairs to the car, but the value is almost twice that–I’d really rather buy the car from you. In fact, I insist. Yes, that *does *mean you’ll need to get a salvage title, that’s the law of the land. No, you big silly, I won’t just cut you a check for $10,000 and call it even.

What’s that? You’ll get a lawyer? Well, if you want to that’s your deal. He’ll just charge you a bunch of money to tell you what I just told you for free.

Oh, by the way–This is Steve. He’ll be your claim rep for the remainder of this claim. You see, there is a lot about this claim that is … confusing. It would be best for everyone if just one person sees it to its end.


Well. Looks like we have a lot of answers now. It appears that, despite your initial story to us about the car being stolen from a grocery store parking lot, that the Police seem to think they were the first to inform you that they found it in the wee hours of the morning–earlier that day and the driver was seen running from the car! And it seems that he had the same blood type as you, there was a sufficient sample conveniently left in the car. Do you have an evil twin?

What’s that? We spent way too much money investigating your claim, and so you’d be happy with settling for just $5,000 as a total loss settlement? I don’t fucking THINK SO! How about you get nothing, and you also get to pay for the lamp post you murdered because, you see, when you materially misrepresent the facts of a loss, you void the claim.

Fuck yourself. Maybe your attorney will give you a break on your bill when he finds out he was representing you on a fraudulent claim.

Forgot to mention that it is highly unusual for a stolen car to be recovered with so much high-end stereo gear.

It’s even MORE unusual for the stuff to be stolen out of the car while it’s parked at a repair shop after you’ve been made a total loss settlement offer.

It’s even More more unusual for that shop to have a locked yard and to be owned by the person who was so robbed.

You, my illegal alien friend, are an unusual man.

I bet he was drunk.

Isn’t it difficult to get car insurance if you’re an illegal alien? I wouldn’t know, having never owned one. (A car, not an illegal alien.)

I don’t know why it would be hard for an illegal immigrant to get insurance. My ex is illegal and he had a state ID, a driver’s license and a car titled in his name. It’s been a while since I applied for insurance but I don’t remember needing much more than that.

Although 'm not clear what the guy’s immigration status has to do with anything…

I hear you can save 15% or more on your illegal alien insurance by switching to Geico.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Denver area, Inigo is the reason your insurance premiums aren’t higher than they already are. Not sure what the fraud statistics are for the US, but in Canada the estimate is that there was $2 billion in fraudulent claims last year. Guess who pays for it?

Oh, and whenever any of my clients call me with a shit-for-brains claim, I’m forwarding them directly to Inigo’s line…

Who made that $2 billion estimate? How would they know? Sounds like a nice round, totally made up number to me.

Fair question. Here’s numbers for US of A, as estimated by the FBI; and The Maple Leaf State as estimated by the IBC. They are just estimates, but they’re done by The Authorities, so they *must * be accurate.This would be a really good time to make a wise crack about Canada’s losses totalling $64.87 US, but I wouldn’t do anything that petty.

But you’re right, if money is being taken fraudulently, you’d think that insurance companies wouldn’t know when they were being robbed, and thus for how much. I still don’t understand.

I have to admit, I didn’t really understand the details of your OP, not being hip to the whole insurance fraud thing.

But damn. I’m sure not going to cross you, Inigo.

I’ve owned an illegal alien.

I swear, nothing but headaches…

But did he have 6 fingers on his right hand?



My name is Inigo Montoya, you lied about your claim. Prepare to cry.


I have to adjust this claim left handed, it’s the only way I can be satisfied; if I do it with my right, over to quickly.

Your friend?

Eeek! That’s HIM!

You always know those ET types are going to be trouble. I don’t know if it’s the hardships from their intergalactic lifestyle that makes them lose all sense of integrity? But whatever the reason, you just can’t trust 'em!

You must have different laws in Wisconson, but in order to get auto insurance in Ohio, you gotta have a driver’s license. And in order to get that, you gotta show a Social Security card and a certified birth certificate. Or you can present a current passport in lieu of those two items. You can request that your SSN doesn’t appear on your license, but somewhere along the line, you’re gonna hafta show that you have one.

Well honestly, I don’t know that he had insurance.

Okay, how did he get the ID card and driver’s license?

When, oh when, will society finally come to acknowlege both ET and myself as hominid creatures deserving respect and consideration and allow us the same civil rights as other aliens, say that octopus/tentacle thing from Men In Black?


Sheesh, sort of sounds ike the sort of guy I had done an auto insurance quote on…
Never got a ticket in his life, but he seems to have conveniently forgtten that high speed 3 police car and chopper chase less than a month before…and the DUI, 5 assorted tickets and suspension that popped up when we ran his license number… :smack: