So we had a food day in our office yesterday, the remnants of which are still being picked over today. One of the things that nobody touched was a jar of salsa. One of my coworkers said something about being really thirsty, so I tossed him the jar of salsa and told him to just chug that down, hahaha.
Well the next thing you know we wind up arguing as to if it’s even possible to “drink” salsa, to which I said that of course it is, and that I could drink that whole 16oz jar if I wanted to. Now this isn’t extra chunky or anything so it’s mostly liquid, so that seemed like it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Well guys being guys and this being March (the most bettingest time of the year) I end up with two people willing to pay me $100 total if I can drink the whole thing in less than 5 minutes. Suckers.
Or maybe not. It was going pretty good at first, I’d say the first half of the jar or so was pretty easy. We had to stop the timer for a minute or so because our building manager came by to as us about, you know, non salsa related work stuff, but as soon as she was gone the bet was back on.
This was some cheap no name dollar store type salsa, and apparently they didn’t totally de-stem one of the larger tomato hunks before putting it into my drinking jar. There is something instinctually unsettling about getting something hard and scratchy in your mouth while swallowing mostly soft liquid stuff. My brain said “BUG!” so I had to stop and spit that part out. Too bad that the time window had passed and I wasn’t going to get my $100 anymore.
You know, my 30th birthday is on Sunday and I have been a little depressed about getting to another age milestone, but this has buoyed my sprits. I might be getting older, but I’m not growing up. I don’t think I want any salsa for a few days though.
If they’d given you a spoon and you had twisted the dial in your brain to “I am eating soup now” do you think you could have consumed it all in 5 minutes?
If I were you, I wouldn’t be worried about the heat, but the sodium. Most jarred salsas contain a metric assload of salt. Check the label before you do anything silly.
This brings to mind the one time that The Boy’s coworkers thought it would be funny to dare someone into drinking a whole jar of hot sauce. The boss ponied up $200 as a reward for the first guy who could chug it down in under 5 minutes (this, BTW, is a guy who could give Michael Scott a run for his money).
Said coworker has not touched hot sauce since, and says that he wouldn’t repeat the feat for all the money in the world. 'Twas quite the case of Ring of Fire the next morning, apparently.
…and, of course, the trick to any eating-fire feat is to do it totally and as quickly as possible. Don’t take five minutes. Just do it totally, immediately.
Once upon a time, my housemates and I had gotten some peppermint schnapps to put in our hot chocolate. The alcohol level wasn’t that high but good og, the peppermint! We got someone to down a shot on a paid dare ($5 I think). Took them most of the night to recover from that one.
Back when I lived in a dorm in college, the guys on the floor below us used to have milk drinking contest. 4 liters (a gallon jug) in 1 hour. Sounds easy, but apparently it’s not. The epic amounts of puking were quite spectacular.
Also, they once somehow convinced one of the guys to forgo milk drinking for the much more interesting ‘eating a jar of mayonnaise’. He actually got in down in time, and didn’t yak, but he said his shit was all … greasy, for about a week.
I can’t eat jarred salsa, just because of the horrible taste. They put in extra crap like vinegar and sugar to preserve it. For me, it’s fresh salsa or nothing.
A friend of mine drank 20 non-dairy creamers - was quite ill after.
Whole bottle of tabasco in another drunk and passed out guy’s mouth at a party.
Worst one I heard though was a guy that chugged the “spit” glass after all-night poker. I don’t think he actually meant to drink it, he was planning to fake us all out, but was too drunk and didn’t stop the tilt in time.
That’s why I don’t drink when out with my friends. One of us has to be sober enough to drive the others to the hospital.
