I guess I'm down a friend and a business partner...

This started out in IMHO……

Since April of this year, the SO and I have been living in a 2-bedroom apartment with a mutual friend. Let’s call him Fred.

I have known Fred for 4 years, the SO has for slightly longer. Back when I was in highschool and they were recent graduated, we were pretty much an inseperable crew. We hung out all the time, went to all-night diners and generally pissed away two years of our lives together.

The SO and I moved to Baltimore for a year while I tried out college (2001-2002 school year), but returned that June. During the next year, Fred finally moved out of his parents’ house and into a room vacated by another friend’s (let’s call him Moe) roommate (the roommate’s name shall be Billy) when Billy moved abruptly out of state with a new girlfriend. Fast forward to March 2003, when Moe decides to move in with his new girlfriend, leaving Fred high and dry, in much the same manner as Billy left Moe. As our lease was up in an unsatisfactory apartment that month, we offered to find a new place with Fred. Boy it’s hard to keep these aliases straight.

To add a new layer of complications, I, the SO and Fred started a business in February, a video store bankrolled by a loan from my father (which is another story). One of the reasons the SO and I involved Fred in this venture was to help him get his life on track by doing something he could care about. At the time he was completely obsessed with the idea and our agreement was that we would share the work and then share ownership of the corporation once the loan was repaid. Great plan, right?
It worked very well, with SO taking slightly more than half of the hours a the store, since his work is selling on ebay, which is easy from the store, which has high speed internet (actually I am posting from it now!) Fred took about a third of the hours, working around his 40-hour a week shit job at Kmart (which we have been urging him to leave since they put him on 7:30 am shifts in 2002). I filled in odd shifts, plus do all the bookkeeping and legal and design stuff.

Final complication is Fred’s drinking. He is a solo binge drinker, and often comes home with either a liter and a half of german white wine or a bottle of Jack Daniels, and finishes the whole damn thing in a night. We couldn’t tell how bad it was until we all moved in together, and he backs off for about a week at a time every once and a while, so it is hard to pin him down.

Now to the problem at hand…

About a month ago, Fred got a girlfriend. Great! He has been really lonely lately, and maybe he’ll pick someone who isn’t a total moron for once (not that I talk to him this way, he has just gotten in some cruddy relationships since I’ve known him). Not so great. He became distant and more lazy than usual, lying around the store with her (alias Blah-Blah) and scaring away customers.
Then, on Sept. 5, he quit his job. No call-no show, which I despise even at the worst jobs. He was an assistant manager for christs’ sake! Then, he decided that he was going to Tenessee to Billy’s (remember Billy?) wedding, which he had not planned to attend. he planned to leave on Wednesday night (Sept 10) and come back by early Monday morning (sept 15), during which time SO and I would bust our hides to cover the store (I’m talking 12-hour shifts here). Again, fine with us, have fun, Fred! Turns out he has to leave on Wed. morning (one more shift for SO to cover). Still fine. Fast-forward to Sunday- It turns out his ticket isn’t till Tuesday! God damn it! We already gave up the whole weekend! OK, ok, ok. Honest mistake. Tuesday, 1pm, Fred is on bus, in Binghamton (about 6 hours away). Then, nothing. We don’t hear from him until after Midnight on Thursday night (Friday am) when he comes home.
He had been in town for over a day and hadn’t contacted us! He didn’t answer his cell or anything for 24 hours! He just hung out with Blah-Blah. No “I’m too tired to work” No “I’m not dead on the side of the road” no nothing. Asshole.
So he works the store Friday night, after putting in job applications that afternoon. Doesn’t come home till 4am Sunday. We had assumed he would work on Sat. to make up for the last 10 days, but apparently he thought otherwise. On Sunday morning, SO and I confronted him and asked whether he really wanted to be a partner. Guess what the answer was?

I guess this shit hurts most because Fred was always such a great guy. Helping people out, generally being a decent person, and now all this crap. I know the drinking is part of it, but more of it is his constant self-pity. He has this woe is me, the world has treated me bad attitude that makes me sick.

These kinds of stories always upset me. I HATE to hear of old friends having problems like this. This is horrible.

If Fred could get himself dried out, perhaps your friendship could have a chance again someday. But it sounds like the trust is gone between all of you—at least for a good long time.

I’m really sorry to hear about this. That sucks.

Sounds to me like Fred may be suffering from depression, if that is so, the drinking isn’t helping. Maybe you could gently suggest he see someone?

IT sounds to me there are much deeper issues than drinking which may itself be a symptom of depression or another problem.

eh, so he doesn’t want to be a partner in the store anymore. I assume this means that when it’s up and running, making a profit, he won’t be assuming part ownership. You can get someone to take up the slack for a reasonable wage, and you’ll own the whole business with your SO. Fred isn’t exactly costing you a huge bundle of money, and he’s giving up ownership in the business. He did screw up a couple of weeks of your life, dumping extra work on you, but things like that can happen, doesn’t make him a bad guy

It’s business, don’t let that get in the way of your friendship.

Cheesesteak- If he had just left the business, it would have been a hassel, but OK. Instead, he balked and slacked off until we had to confront him. Even so, it would be OK if he hadn’t been shitting all over our friendship for some time now. Really, all of this has been going on much longer than I described, but we never wanted to face it. He would snap out of it for a few days every time he got really bad, just like the drinking. He really isn’t a bad person, he’s just acting like an asshole right now. It’s like he wants to be 17 again, with no responsibilities or “hassles.”

I definitely think depression is a likelyhood, but he is currently very much against the use of medicationfor mental issues, a position which I think is mostly defensive (he knows he needs help, and maybe meds, and doesn’t want to admit it.)