My thoughts are a little jumbled today, so hopefully I can get everything out and make it all make sense, so bear with me!
As some of you may remember from my previous threads, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and 7 months. We broke up on September 7th so it’s been nearly 2 months. There wasn’t really one particular reason why we broke up, but a combination of things just built up and never got resolved, and I reached the point where I didn’t want to deal with it all anymore. He also moved to Oklahoma City (I’m in Kansas), which wasn’t the reason why we broke up but it surely didn’t help the situation.
He and I (we’ll call him Fred) have been trying to keep contact with each other, but it’s really hard on him because he is 100% NOT over me, while I’ve already moved on to the next stage of my life. Almost every email he sends me says something about wanting to get back together with me, and how much he misses me and how he regrets the way he treated me while we were together.
Anyway, on to last night. I was at my house with my two best friends just watching TV and hanging out. Fred called my friend’s cell phone, and asked to talk to me. I don’t have a cell phone. So we talked for a while, everything was okay, then he has the balls to ask, “So, where are you really? are you really at your house with your friends?” He feels like he has to know where I am at all times now I guess. We had an hour-long argument over the phone, where he alternated from screaming at me, to crying, to badmouthing me, to begging me to come back.
Here’s a little bit of background information: He didn’t treat me badly when we were together, but he treated me like I would always be there no matter what happened. When we were around his friends, I was flat-out ignored. If I tried to go talk to him, he’d say something like, “I’m talking to my friends, go hang out with yours” which really pissed me off. He is kind of a “rebel without a clue” - he’s all about the confederacy, and he’d yell at the news on TV and badmouth certain racial groups. He is very serious, and not very funny at all. We hardly ever went out and did stuff, and when we did we always just hung out with his friends. He really is a good person though, when we weren’t fighting he treated me very good. He could be very romantic and kind. I was very much in love with him, and there was a point in time where I thought we were meant for each other and would be together forever.
But anyway, here’s what is going on now. I am dating somebody else. We’ll call him Bob. Bob has been a good friend of mine for a couple years, he’s extremely funny and nice and he’s always been there for me. Bob and Fred know each other. They aren’t really “friends”, more like good aquaintances. I think the only time they ever hung out together was once, about a year ago. Last night on the phone, Fred got extremely upset with me because “I was dating his best friend”. He’s grasping at straws here, and it’s upsetting me. He said that I am in denial, because I really want him but I’m pretending that I don’t. He said that it could never work out between Bob and I because “he’s not my type”. Fred even said that he would move back to Kansas to be with me. That’s when I really started to realize that he is not okay, he’s not okay at all.
He said that if I gave him a second chance, he’d do anything that I wanted. Thats not what I want someone to do for me in a relationship. I don’t WANT someone to chang their entire life for me. He needs to be his own person and move on. I know he’s in pain, because I’ve felt it before and it’s the worst feeling in the world! I just don’t know what to do anymore! He said that I’m holding on to him by a thread so that if things don’t work out with Bob and I, that I can have Fred back. That is total bullshit. I’m not leading him on, and I’ve flat-out told him that I don’t want to be with him anymore. It would be nice to maintain some sort of a friendship with him, but apparently that’s not working so well.
So what do I do? How do I get him to see that I no longer want to be with him? Is there any way I can help him get over this? I care about him more than I do most other people, and it truly kills me to see him like this. It’s all stressing me out quite badly, and I need to know what to do!