That’s because at that point in your relationship, he knew he had you hooked and could slack off on the attentive boyfriend routine. I would say dump him as a “friend” - he’s definitely not treating you like one.
maybe these ARE related…perhaps he cannot make friends due to not knowing, or choosing not to recognize, boundaries? I mean, what clerk would like to talk for 20 minutes? Yet, since he had the social power, being their customer, he took advantage of this, although perhaps on consciously.
I think the same probably goes for his relationship with you: once he realized he was in a good position, he knew he could slack off and ignore you. And now he misses that.
I certainly know both people who are charming only around people they feel comfortable with, and people who only act gregarious around people they consider their social inferior. He could be both?
If I’ve totally misread this, accept my apologies.
Well, Jodi already said everything I was going to (and oh so much more), so I’ll just voice my support for cutting off all contact. Good luck – it’s hard to feel like you’re hurting someone you used to care about, but it really is the kindest thing.
I hate to do this, but I have to go to work and can’t finish reading the thread, but I really wanted to toss this in for you - people don’t change. Embroider this up nice and lovely and hang it on your wall where you’ll see it every day to remind yourself. He is as he always will be, and you are very, very lucky to have gotten rid of someone who would have dragged you down into a miserable life.
I’m entirely sure you don’t want to hurt him by cutting him off. It’s sort of like yanking a bandaid – it hurts more in the immediate time, but long-term it’s better. And he sounds like bad news. I guess I don’t understand the whole friendship after a long-term relationship thing.
My ex tried the “let’s be friends” line on me after dumping me in favor of his mother, and I told him no. I told him if I wanted to talk to him, I’d call. The reason for this? Because it’d hurt me a hell of a lot more to stay in touch than to not. It’s been ten months, and I’m pretty sure that on some level I’m still in love with him. Calling would only reopen a very nasty wound.
Good luck. There’s got to be a better guy out there for you!
Yeah, people truly don’t change. That was one of our big problems - things would be fine for a month or two after we talked things out, then it would just go back to the same old shit. He says he’d change if I took him back, but I’m not buying it, and I’m not going to take that chance.
You’re only 17?? <cue Winger song>
You have plenty of time to meet other guys who will treat you a lot better than Fred did. The way you described him, I couldn’t find a single reason for you to dwell on this guy. The best way for you to help him move on is to stop giving him these little glimmers of hope. Otherwise he’ll always think there’s a chance.
Wow, you have your head on pretty straight for a 17 yo. A lot of people older than you marry their Fred’s, and live to regret it.
One final thing for your consideration; some guys are all about control; they can be fine in the relationship, but once you end it, they become abusive because they have lost control of you, and that is the one thing they cannot accept. Fred is definitely showing some of these symptoms, and you simply can’t remain friends with someone like that.
(Oh, by the way, if you go back to someone like this, he will pretty much think he owns you forever. It doesn’t sound like you will, roadkiller, but there may be others reading this thread in similar situations who are considering it.)
Don’t play with fire, just cut him off but be careful because it seems to me he’s not one for not having control over the situation. I was in a marriage like that, taken for granted until I was the only alternative, and the longer I was with him (since he was a “good person”) the more I got to see how angry and violent he was just under the carefully constructed surface.
My ex had me convinced no one would ever love me the way he would, no one else would ever want me, he really did love me, now why can’t I just believe it? Just let him alone and don’t get burned. Good luck and please be careful!