My tumultuous best friend is no longer talking to me - how to fix?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hey all, I will try to keep this as simple and brief as possible.

So this best friend of mine was also an ex. We were very on-and-off in 2010-2011. I think he still likes me and sometimes we FWB but recently I stopped that.

I made a trip to see him recently (purely as friends) and everything was really nice, we took some photos on a nice walk and things.

I got home, uploaded and tagged the photos save for one which I feared looked a little couply and I didn’t want to confuse people (bodies leaning in towards each other, his arm round me, both with sweet smiles, his head is leaning towards mine… etc) so I sent that one to him through email instead as it was still a nice picture, but not one I would necessarily want public.

Immediately, he uploaded the picture and tagged me in it. I saw it and immediately detagged and sent him a message saying “whyyyy did you do that, that pic was supposed to be private :(”. Cue following message conversation:
*
“What, now you’re afraid of being seen with me?”*
“No, I just think that picture might confuse people into thinking we’re together, you know it’s not unexpected because we HAVE gone out in the past, I’m not afraid of being seen with you, I just uploaded a bunch of other pics of our time together”
“Next time we meet I’ll make sure to stay your horrific little secret.”
“I’m sorry, forget about it, I was being uncool.”
“So I’ll just put a paper bag over my head in future, you don’t realise how HURTFUL you’re being.”
“Don’t you think you’re over-reacting a little? I never asked you to remove the picture.”
“Are you ashamed of our friendship? I’ve never considered myself that embarrasing to someone else.”
As if to prove my point, 3 hours later, 5 of his family members had commented on the photo commenting on how nice we looked as a couple or ‘liking’ the photo. --__-- I pointed this out to him and he wanted me to state on the photo that we’re just friends, as he did. I didn’t want to as that would simply stir up more ‘action’ and commenting on the photo so I just wanted to let it lie and forget about it all.

Since then, he hasn’t spoken to me. I know it wasn’t the best move by me to call him out on tagging me, but I do think he’s over-reacting here over just one silly little photo. I’ve messaged him several times now and he won’t reply. I seriously can’t believe how immature he’s being. It is a tumultuous relationship I admit, we often broke-up/made-up because of this very kind of incident happening multiple times. However, he’s never given me a 2-week silent treatment before.

What can I do? I just want to forget about this whole thing and move on, but it seems he’s not letting it go.

Honest advice/comments would be appreciated.

2

Actually, it appears he has decided to let it go and move on.
This seems to be another case proving that it is hard, if not impossible, to remain friends with exes.

3

You (both) are behaving more like a couple than a couple of friends.

This indicates that there is still something simmering somewhere.

You are not yet ready to be just friends.
mmm

4

He has feelings for you, you’re being insensitive, you’ve lost him as a friend. End of.

ETA: ask me know I know (that’s rhetorical).

5

He’s not your best friend, he’s currently your ex and behaving as such. Until he has shifted his brain away from that fact, if he ever does, you can’t be honest friends with each other.

6

He’s in love with you, and you rejected him. And he’s not being very grown up about it.

How do you how? :wink:

7

Shouldn’t it be obvious (that’s rhetorical too)?

8

Him: Drama llama.
You: callous and clueless.

yay for a winning combination!

ETA: the fix if to stay away from one another without contact for a significant period, perhaps up to a year depending on how long you’ve been dating/fucking/snuggling sweetly for the camera.

9

Thank Og for facebook. Things are so much faster and easier now. I can remember when this kind of drama required weeks to play out, and actual effort on the part of the actors.

10

Welcome to the SDMB, BerryBlast.

I’m going to move this thread to our advice-giving forum, IMHO (In My Humble Opinion). You didn’t do anything wrong – I just think it’s a better fit over there.

Again, welcome.

twickster, MPSIMS moderator

11

Omg chuckle. It’s actually been a year since we were a couple and we’ve both dated other people since. During that period, we were in touch less. But when we both broke up with our respective people, we got in touch again as friends/FWB.

Guuuuhhhhh.

12

The problem may be that you were not FWB, you were Ex-es hooking up. Not the same thing.

13

Look, I realize you dated a couple of years ago, but you’re both 16 years old now and should try to move on with your lives.

I’m assuming.

14

Some people can handle FWB and some can’t. Sex brings up a lot of strong emotions in people. I can’t really blame the guy for thinking there’s more to this than you do.

15

You don’t need his permission to move on. You do need to stop pretending that you can still be very great friends immediately after the break-up and still have convenience sex with him all while simultaneously trying to move on.

16

He obviously still has feelings for you, and probably realizes that it’s not what you want, he just doesn’t know how to handle it. So he’s backing off. Give him a bit of time. I went through something similar with an ex: We were great friends for years, got together for a couple of years, and recognized it wasn’t the best match. So we agreed to split, but couldn’t bear not still being friends. So we did that for a few months, and it was…ok…until he wanted to gush to me all about this new girl he was seeing.
At that point I realized I needed a little more time to change how I felt about him, so I told him that. I asked for about a month, just to get my head together and move on, and then I’d be back, hopefully feeling less sad about it. It was the most grown-up decision I had made to date, and involved wrestling a LOT of emotions around.

It worked, eventually…two weeks into the month, he showed up at my doorstep, distressed because he’d ‘lost his friend’. We’d been together so long, as friends, that it’d turned into a kind of need…which is fine if you can stay friends, but what can you do when it interferes with romance?

It takes time for both parties to re-adjust to a new situation. It sounds as if you have, and he hasn’t. He may not be able to get past this, but maybe he can. Give him some time, but I wouldn’t give up just yet. Just recognize that, if he does come back as a friend, you may not get all the satisfaction you did when he was still wanting more from you. You will have to accept that, too.

17

:stuck_out_tongue: We’re in our mid-twenties, but yeah. Okay, I suppose what people are saying is that we should just have some space for now… :confused:

18

Thanks for sharing, I will keep your words in mind.

19

He might still want to FWB with you (or maybe even be your bf again). You don’t want to do that. Cutting off communication is the smartest thing to do, even if it’s not easy. There was no need for him to get all overly-dramatic and weird about it, instead of honest, but that’s how a lot of young people roll these days.

20

He made his point 4 times! Yes, I agree he is over-reacting! If this level of sarcasm comes out over a silly little photo, I can only imagine what a big argument was like. (And to think I thought I missed my mid-twenties.)
My best advice - Watch for this sarcasm in the future. Effective arguing doesn’t happen like that. You have to be able to say, “Please explain your point to me,” without repetitive sarcasm. Is he a name-caller, too?
Take this as a general rule, there are exceptions…You break up with someone, they want to get back together, they understand and accept what the previous problems were, and state that they have “changed,” (Oh, baby, I promise, it’ll never happen again…) if you loved them, ok, one more chance. (Unless the problem is that they hit you -get out and never look back.) If then a second break-up happens for the same reason, no more chances. They’re telling you what you want to hear, and you are wasting time. I’d rather be alone than miserable.