Okay, quick question. Lets say I go to a concert with a group of people, which includes someone I dated for 2 years and her new boyfriend. It is unreasonable that I ask them to refrain from making out in front of me, if it was making me feel uncomfortable?
Yes, if for no other reason than it makes it look like you’re not over her, and you still think you have a say over how she conducts herself. Two years have passed. If you can’t handle seeing her with someone else, don’t go to a concert with her and her boyfriend. It’s not within your rights to tell her how to behave.
Probably. How long have you been separated?
Yes, it’s unreasonable. If it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t go with them.
Okay, let me rephrase that just a little bit. Is it unreasonable that I ask my ex - the one who spent the entire two years we were together talking about how unsanitary and monotonous kissing is, and who invited me to come to this show herself - from making out in front of me, if it was making me feel uncomfortable?
It’s a really tough line to draw about when the “relationship” actually ended. I would say mid-March 2009 would be the definitive point.
It sounds like she’s either trying to make you jealous or her new boyfriend is irresistible and she must nom on him constantly. I think the best thing to do in either case is to ignore them because you can’t say anything without looking like the jealous ex.
I do think it’s tacky to make out with your partner while out in public, especially while out with others. Do any of your other friends find it awkward? I’d be appalled if I went out with friends and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Keep that shit private.
Sorry, you don’t have a say in what she does. It sounds like she’s being a bit of a jerk, but you still don’t get to tell her what to do. And I know I don’t have a lot of information here, but it sounds as if you might be better where you are now. That doesn’t sound like a lot of class, there.
Sorry for the stinky situation.
Well, all I can say is that I’ve never seen her looking THAT happy in the entire time I’ve known her…and the other couple that was with us was doing full-on groping, so I don’t think they were phased at all. Yeah, she was also saying all the time when I was with her how disrepectful and degrading it is to do any PDAing in public (something that I tend to agree with, actually), so that really added to the uncomfortableness. I’m really not totally sure if it really is a head over heels thing, or if she was just embarrassed to be with me. Probably a bit of both.
If you’re still uncomfortable about it, for whatever reason, you shouldn’t be going somewhere with her.
If she’s doing it specifically to MAKE you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t be going somewhere with her.
Either way, the fact that it CAN and DOES make you uncomfortable means that you should avoid such situations.
Less than 2 months separated? And she’s inviting you to shows with her and her new? And you’re GOING? Dude … dude! She is so clearly putting on a show of “see how happy I am NOW?!?”.
Simply stop associating with her, until/unless she grows up.
Or perhaps avoid her all together. It sounds for all the world like she enjoys yanking your chain for her amusement or to increase her self-esteem.
For the sake of argument let’s say that the relationship ended on 03 May 2009. Why are you still hanging out with her and accepting her invitations to go see a show? Especially someone “who spent the entire two years we were together talking about how unsanitary and monotonous kissing is”? it would be a different situation, of course, if you were still friends with her and her new beau, but then, my friends go to at least the minimum effort not to make me uncomfortable or humiliated.
You need to get some time and distance between both this person and this relationship in order to realize that you shouldn’t be treated like that.
Stranger
She’s being a jerk, asking her to stop won’t help, probably best to just not go places with her for a good while.
When I asked her if she could please not do that right in front of me, she was acting like she didn’t even realize she was doing anything, and initially denied that she was even making out, even though that’s something that’s hard to misinterpret when I’m standing literally a foot a way from them. They started it up again about 20 minutes later and I walked out of there without even saying goodbye. I took a taxi home, since I didn’t trust myself not to jump in front of the first train that showed up.
4 minutes after leaving, I get this text:
(0:56) I’m sorry you weren’t enjoying the show 
I hope everything is ok…
followed by these
(1:37) I’m sorry if I seemed insensitive. I just wasn’t sure how to respond giving the setting. Really I hope you’re okay.
(2:38) Alright, well talk to me later then. I’m sorry that you feel bad…
(18:49) I didn’t mean to make you feel bad yesterday. Anyway I hope everything’s alright. Talk to me if/when you want. I really will have more time after school’s out* but I mean that’s your choice. Don’t mean to annoy. Later.
- = her semester ends 2 days after I leave for a 3 week business trip to the other side of the country, so there’s no chance that I’m gonna see her again before June.
So far I haven’t given her any response. I’ve been thinking of just ignoring her until I least get back from that trip. I really am not even sure where to go at this point. Everything has been so complicated…I’m sort of tempted to even write a full disclosure “analyse me and my last relationship” over in the MP forum, but I’m sure if everyone knew all of the details of our ups and downs, some heads would explode. This really is more than a case of happening to see an ex at a group function - she still claims that I am her closest friend and that I still matter more to her than anybody else, and we’ve still tried to maintain a pretty close relationship, even if we failed at our romantic relationship.
Sorry from turning a simple question that was on my mind into something so dramatic.
You may run into exes socially, they will probably do what ever they want regardless of your feelings. You should probably get over it in a hurry, or prepare for a life of agoraphobia. One way to get over it is to not attempt to remain friends after the relationship is over. I think that the frequent communication will be a constant source of stirring up unresolved feelings and issues about your relationship. If you give it 6 months or a year or a couple of years, you might be able to resume a friendship, or you both may have changed significantly enough that you no longer desire a friendship from the other. If you ignore this advice, don’t be surprised if you find yourself pining over her, or one day just cut off because some men strongly discourage their girlfriends maintaining friendships with exes.
You obviously still have serious feelings about her, or this wouldn’t even be an issue. Do yourself a favor and put her behind you and get a life of your own.
Mmm, gotta love them passive agressive relationships.
Just currious, how many times have y’all “broke up” before?
I think I’d have been tempted to say ‘Wow, tacky’ in tones that made it clear I was appalled by her incredibly poor manners and counting myself lucky to not be the one dragged down to that level.
I did, in fact, say something very like that when a similar situation occurred to a friend of mine whose ex pulled a similar stunt in front of us. Except it was actually a conversational, “Good thing that relationship ended before she dragged you down to her level of class. Obviously you wouldn’t have been able to bring her up to yours.”
I got the death-daggers from her, but she did stop with the sucky-face and (shudder) crotch-grinding.
I’m sure she thinks I’m a right bitch, and she might be correct… but it made my friend feel a little better, and I don’t really care about the opinions of game-playing psycho girls anyway.
Gotta love when the crazy comes via SMS. Believe me, I’ve been there. Permit me to translate:
See, we’ve been broken up for a month and I can still push your buttons…
Forty minutes and you haven’t called me back? I must be losing my touch. I’ll try being concerned and slightly apologetic, but confused about the problem.
Cripes, I must have gone too far. Maybe I shouldn’t have unzipped the new guy’s pants and started giving him a handjob.
Crap, who am I going to find now to jerk around? If you don’t call me back I’ll have no one to buttress my low self-worth.
The above plan, as edited, is a good idea. If your descriptions are an accurate depiction of her behavior then she is damaged goods, and you need to cut loose the baggage and move on before you get further consumed in the drama play that is her life. Be glad that you’re not the next guy; now that she has more experience with this sort of thing she’ll be able to drag him around by the nose even longer.
Stranger
Those sound like boyfriend-girlfriend texts. While my initial response was going to be something like, ‘Any couple that makes out for long periods in front of a third party is made up of jerks,’ I think you two have some serious lingering feelings. Even though I am usually in favor of remaining friends, you could use a little time apart (including apart from one another’s new partners). She shouldn’t feel like she needs to conduct her new relationships within your guidelines (it sounds like she thought PDAs were gross… until she found the right guy. Sorry, it happens), and you shouldn’t let her actions affect you to the point where it’s almost as if she’s cheating in front of your eyes.
Yes, clarifications or not, it is unreasonable. You need to stay away from her if you can’t handle your emotions. Period, end of story.