We go on holiday together a scant three weeks after officially breaking up. We still live together, and have even had sex a couple of times since we decided like adults that our relationship just didn’t have legs and it was time to move on. You say you still like spending time with me. When we broke up I asked you if you wanted me to still go to Thailand with you and our large group of friends that we’d planned months before, and you said ‘of course I do, I still want to do many things with you.’ I took you at your word.
So we’re in Thailand, and I split off from the main group with a smaller group to do some scuba diving. I am gone from the larger group for a sum total of one night. During that time, you hooked up with and shagged another single male member of the group, then carried on fucking him for another 3 nights. When I confronted you about this, you said ‘it was for my own good’ and ‘I need to get my head around the fact that we’ve broken up.’ Then you say ‘I am not flaunting this in front of you’. Your excuse of ‘I am on holiday and want to have fun’ also rings sort of hollow.
Well, seeing you hanging off the arm of another man and making out in front of all of our shared friends isn’t exactly like you’re fucking hiding it, is it? And you actually wonder why all of our / my friends are giving you the cold shoulder? You actually wonder why, you callous bitch? Could it be that I introduced you to most of them? Could it be that they know that I am not the one behaving like a dog in heat?
After he leaves the group, you then cling back onto me, and we do all the touristy shit in Bangkok just like we’re still dating. We get back home, and you then say that you want to try again with our relationship. Thanks for the great fuck, but sorry, baby. It’s a matter of trust. I could trust you when you’d leave for days at a time to party with your friends, because I was confident you weren’t fucking anyone else. Now anytime I leave your side for more than 2 hours, I am going to assume that you’re fucking someone else. So try elsewhere, baby. I am not buying.
And in the meantime, go fucking sort yourself out. There’s only so long in your life that you can keep blaming things on your fucked up family life before people just walk away and leave you alone to deal with the consequences of your own fucking actions. And just by the bye, my days of helping you deal with vicious hangovers and getting sick repeatedly as the result of 2-day parties every single weekend are fucking over.
I’m sorry, but it’s partly your fault going on the trip with your ex and expecting her to, what, act like your girlfriend?
Still, this part:
Nope. She can’t have it both ways. Either she sleeps with whomever she wants, and is not your girlfriend, or she wants to restart the relationship. Sleeping around in front of you is not the answer.
She sure is. I can admit it wasn’t great for me trying to break it off before she did this, but now that she has it’s making it a hell of a lot easier to close down this shithouse relationship and recognize her for what she is - a user.
Seeing as how we still live together and sleep in the same bed, I expected a little bit of common courtesy and her to not fuck the first guy she found, and especially to not fuck someone from within the fairly tight group of friends who were all travelling together. It’s not like I could avoid the situation for the remaining 10 days of holiday, after all…
I’ll take some blame, because I shouldn’t have gone on the holiday (or she shouldn’t have) but this is all her, all the time.
Sounds like a messy break up. Messy break ups happen quite often. Usually in the course of “still trying to be friends”. I don’t blame her for doing what she did, and I don’t blame you for being pissed about it. Hell, in the long run you’ll realize that it’s good that she did it. That way you knew better than hooking back up with her again.
Congratulations on your good luck. End it. End it now.
Oh, it’s definitely over. And I would have been long gone if it wasn’t that all my money is tied up in our shared flat. 1st of July, I have my own place and I am fucking gone…
Before you can move on, one of you is going to have to move out. You both need space. Finding another SO while you are living with the ex is near impossible.
Sorry for your pain, but creating some distance between each other is the only way to ever move on.
Only because of financial constraints; all of my money is tied up in the flat that I have been paying for and we’ve been living in; I had to free some of that up so I could leave. It takes time to do that…
I understand, and I’m not flaming you… but often in order to really get distance former couples really need, well, distance. Sleep on the couch, do whatever you can, but sleeping with your ex is a bad way to create distance.
/$.02
Should have said in the OP - I am moving out into my own flat on the 1st of July; we had this planned before we ever left for Thailand. So it wasn’t just that she shagged someone else, she didn’t have the courtesy to wait 3 whole weeks before I was out of the picture and she could fuck herself blue. She had to do it where it was impossible for it not be be in my face…
Sounds like you’ve grasped the reality of the situation but that your penis is still having a hard time letting go. Sit down with him tonite when the sun has set and things have finally quieted down and have a serious, heart to penis talk. Explain why this girl is no good, why she’ll only cause heartache and penisache for you both and I think he’ll understand that in the long run it’s decidedly for the best for you both.
You guys need to hang around together for awhile, get to know each other again, and before you know it someone else will come along, you’ll both stand up and take notice and love can begin anew.