My ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago. We really liked each other but I made a bad mistake and hurt her pretty bad. What i did was tell her that i loved her because it is how i feel, but then i eventually took it back saying i said it because i thought it was what she wanted to hear and i wanted to make her happy. The actual reason i took it back was because people kept telling me i told her too early and that i would scare her off, (Relationship was only 2 months and no she did not say it back, but she did have a big smile). Once i saw that she was deeply hurt because she felt i lied about my feelings towards her… I took it back again and told her that i really do love her and that i lied about not loving her due to what people were telling me. This got her now to have trust issues with me and said how is she supposed to believe in anything i say to her now. I also made a bad mistake by asking her how much she liked me back as if i was questioning her feeling towards me. With all these that occurred, she decided to end things with me and said that she doesn’t see a future with each other anymore.
Well, i was really upset yet ok with her breaking up with me because i understood that i hurt her really bad and i thought to myself maybe she never liked me THAT much because she never really said it much and i loved her so maybe it wouldn’t work out. Well, i asked her for a key chain a week ago when our relationship was perfect because i needed one and i thought it would be cute to receive one from my GF at the time. She was planning to give it to me as a present over the weekend when we went off on our romantic date, but seeing that we broke up, she said she needed to give me something because if she held onto it she would just throw it away. I didn’t know what it was at the time so i said ok, yeah ill take it. Well she gave it to me and told me to open it after she left. So i did, and saw that it was a recorder keychain. It had the words "Forever and Always " Engraved on it and had a audio recording of her saying “Hey Stupid! I miss YOU!!” Stupid was her cute nickname for me. When i saw and heard this… It just broke my heart and i cried. I realized the HUGE mistake i made and I called her and asked for a 2nd chance, that i would do anything to make her happy and i would never do anything like i did ever again. She said no, that she no longer wanted to be with me.
I made one mistake while being with her, and would really love to have that second chance. Now i cant stop thinking about her at all, and i REALLY REALLY dont want to lose her. I want to see if there is anything i can do to get her back.
We had both taken vacation days from our work for this weekend (romantic date) and the first week of June (her birthday vacation week) Now having to cancel the romantic date plan. But I had made a promise with her that i would spend her birthday with her no matter what earlier in our relationship, and it made her so happy and looked forward to it more than anything. Obviously i am not going to be able to spend it with her now, but do you think if i bought her a Birthday Cake and Birthday Card/Gift Card with a DEEP letter and leave it at her door, would it help our situation?
Im trying to think of ways to get her back. She knows i want her back. But what can i do to make her want me back as well?
If not, and this is a hopeless and lost cause. Just let me know so that i can start moving on and think of her as “the one that got away”… If there is hope, give me advise on what i should do please.
PS: Why did she leave the recording on the keychain? Why didnt she just delete it? Because that just hurt me much more…
Start moving on. Leave the door open slightly if she wants to come back. Some women will try to come back once they realize that you aren’t just pining away. However I never liked women who played such games.
Why did she give you the keychain? Maybe she knew it would hurt you. Think about that.
As far as the ‘friends’ thing, in a similar situation I once told a woman that I had plenty of friends. What I was looking for was a partner in life. Fortunately I found one.
This is the girl that has been spending the night at her new dude “friend’s” place? She waslooking for a reason to break up.
Move on. She has.
ETA: don’t be friends, don’t hang out. It will be harder for you to move ahead. And she is keeping you as a backup. Either as an ego boost, or in case the new guy doesn’t work out. Or both. It hurts, but cut the ties and walk away.
Take it from someone who has been there - you have a lot of hard work ahead of you.
You are obviously very very very into her, she has decided that she does not want to continue with you. You are not going to get back together, ever, EVER! Stop thinking you will. It’s not going to happen. You can wish and hope and dream about it and pray, but it’s not going to happen.
The reality is that you will obsess about her for a very long time to come. The hard work I mentioned is about how you behave and what you do about it. She doesn’t want to be with you so you have to make that happen. Whatever you do - don’t buy her a Birthday Cake and Birthday Card/Gift Card with a DEEP letter and leave it at her door. Just don’t.
The most important thing you can do is not turn into THAT GUY. The creepy stalker sitting in your car out in front of her apartment at all hours. The one constantly calling and emailing and texting “just checking in - hope everything is OK”.
If you really care about her - respect her wishes and don’t bother her. And to protect your own self, if she does contact you, very kindly request of her that she leave you alone.
Wait, wait. This is the girl that lives 200 miles away in OKC?
Do not, under any circumstances, leave anything at her door. If I had made my feelings clear to a dude and he was traveling 200 miles to leave things at my door, I think I would probably get a restraining order.
It was asked in that original thread that Accidental Martyr cited and you never answered, but, OP, how old are you? You come off as being really, really young.
OP, you should just date around and leave this poor girl alone. Your actions described in the OP and in your other thread are extremely immature and indicate that you don’t really know how to be in a relationship with someone.
You need to move on and not even think about being friends with her. She has moved on. Anything you do from this point forward will be seen as needy and pathetic.
So, basically, you run your relationships based on popular opinions. Friends tell you one thing, you do it. Girlfriend doesn’t like it, you take it back. What will your friends tell you to do now? (Oh, gee… here you are on a posting board asking for more advice. :smack: )
When you’re in a relationship, you need to be both honest and sensitive. Never say something that’s not true, but also take into account the context of the situation and the other person’s feelings. Expressing your feelings (however true they may be) in creepy stalkerish behavior is just not a sensitive way to go about it.
Put yourself in her shoes and think about what you’d like you to do… and if you find that you have no real idea of how she feels, then that’s a good sign that you need to say less and listen more. Cakes on doorsteps are remarkably low on the listening quotient.
At this point, your plan should be to learn from your mistakes and move on. And just in summary, your two lessons here are: 1) talk less, listen more and 2) no, don’t listen to your friends, listen to HER.
You didn’t make a mistake telling her you love her. You may not have made any mistake at all. She found a new guy that is nearby and they’re in that great first few weeks time period. People leave new relationships all the time for other people. That’s kind of the whole point of “dating.”
" Engraved on it and had a audio recording of her saying “Hey Stupid! I miss YOU!!” Stupid was her cute nickname for me. When i saw and heard this… It just broke my heart and i cried. I realized the HUGE mistake i made and I called her and asked for a 2nd chance, that i would do anything to make her happy and i would never do anything like i did ever again. She said no, that she no longer wanted to be with me.