Does anyone know how one would go about getting a second chance with someone that you’ve pissed off, and they don’t want to know you anymore?
Well, you can start by putting yourself in their shoes: Would you take you back after what you’d done?
Apologize to start with. Really depends on exactly what you did. Some things are a real “deal breaker”. Did you just forget their birthday or did you sleep with their SO? Some things are easier to forgive than others.
I don’t know how you’d get them to listen in the first place, but if you think you’ll be able to get their ear… my advice would be to practice your apology. Do it over and over again, perhaps even write it down and listen to yourself reading it. You have to take away all the caveats, all the buts, all the defensiveness. It’s human nature to try to justify our mistakes, and to try to share the blame a bit (classic example: “I’m sorry, really, but I would never have done it if you hadn’t done xxx…”). But if you’ve screwed up bad, I’d say there’s no place for excuses. Just take the blame, be humble, apologize completely and sincerely.
MAIL an apology, leave the person alone, and learn from whatever you did.
Good suggestions so far. Maybe you’ll get some better ones in the IMHO forum.
I apologized, but it was not accepted. I wish there was something I could do. Do you think that we have it in us to forgive eventually with time?
Depends on what you did, if you ask me. Care to share?
I had a similar situation happen to me last year. I had pissed somone without my knowledge. He went off on me in front of a lot of people after letting the situation fester inside him for over 1 month. I sent him a letter apologizing for whatever I did (He still hasn’t told me what it was that I did to upset him.) and offered to discuss the situation and try to fix it. He wanted nothing to do with that. I figured that I did what I could, so I let go of the confusion, pain, self doubt, and all the other bad emotions I was feeling because of what I (supposedly) did.
For you, you’ve already apologized. You have said you are sorry and effectively put the ball back in their court. It is now up to them. IMHO, you’ve done what you could to rectify the problem. If they decide not to accept your apology, at least know you were right in apologizing and that you TRIED to smooth things over.
If you apologized and they did not accept it, your best bet is to let the whole issue settle for a while - a day, a week, a couple of weeks.
Generally speaking, if they don’t accept an apology, it’s because they’re still pretty mad over what happened.
A true friend follows up on bad tidings and makes it right. But all in due time, all in due time.
IMHO the apology strongly depends on the offense, especially if one has made frequent or similar offensives. The depth of the friendship is also a factor. Lovers are always harder to forgive. I usually have to talk it out to be sure the other person fully understands what offended me. Even if they understand what, I need to feel they understand why. If they understand why, I can forgive them if I can trust they have enough respect for me not to do it again. If I can’t trust, I might still forgive. Yet I can have no friendship.
Then again minor offensives should be easily forgiven with a standard apology (disclaimer: this does not mean you can continue to do them with a standard apology every time)
I didn’t do anything that would warrant the treatment I received. I didn’t cheat on anyone or lie, or forget a birthday. The person wanted space, and I took it really too personally, which I should not have. After that, things just blew out of proportion. Now, I’ll never get to talk to her again. She was the last call of the day, and it hurts so badly not having her in my life. It’s been about two months since it happened, and I still care about her.
Neither did I, when I was in your situation.
Again, ditto.
Sad, but possibly true. The pain lessens over time, but you’ll never quite forget her, and you’ll re-live the last things you’ve said over, and over, and over. You’ll rationalize your reactions, you’ll condemn her, you’ll forgive her, you’ll hate her, you’ll hate yourself for hating her, you’ll reach “closure”, you’ll realize that you’re not over it, and you never will be.
It’s been four years and ten months since it happened, and I still care about her, I think. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did, but it colors my dealings with other people, and it’s changed me more than anything else in my life. The first three or four months were the roughest, and sometimes it still haunts me. Nowhere near as much as it used to - maybe just once every two months, but now - but at least I’m no longer catatonic with guilt.
I guess I’m going to offer more pessimistic advice than most other folks. Some people say “give it a week”. Prepare yourself for the possibility that you never, ever, ever will speak to her again, and that she will always consider you the worst thing to happen to her. It’s not right, it’s not fair, and it shouldn’t happen … but sometimes it does.
I could never condemn or hate her. I do miss her. I hope that a few years from now, that she will forgive me, and I’m willing to wait if I have to.
Forget it, kid. Live and learn. She said she wanted space. Now she’s got it. She’s not gonna take you back. Use this as a learning experience and move on. You’ll have plenty of opportunity to get it right in the future, with someone even better.
Well, I hope you’re still not looking to me for better advice. Like I said, Kamandi got it right, move on.
I’m just one of those people that can’t give up. There are always solutions. I’ll find it eventually.
Take some time & think about yourself. Not in the "I f**ed up & I’m stupid & that was my only shot at happiness" sense, but in the “who am I & what do I like to do?” sense. Shaek up your routine a little bit, do something you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to…just do anything that gets your mind off her & on YOU. Because the more you know about yourself, then better your relationships with other people will be. Remind yourself that the idea that there is just one person out there who is Right for you, who is The One, is a load of bullsht invented to sell romance novels. There is limit on the number of people you can love.
Growl…should have been “there is NO limit on the number of people you can love.”
GodImStupid, my take on this is that the ball is in their court. You’ll just eat yourself up over this if you keep thinking and worrying about it. Let it go. If they decide to forgive you, they will let you know. If not, well, life is hard that way sometimes. Allow yourself to go through the process of grieving for a loss (losing a friendship is definitely a mourning thing.) If you are still in the stage of denying that it’s lost, you’ll never start to heal. If they decide to revive the friendship, well, that’s all to the good, but do what is right for your own mental health.
I’m sorry if this sounds hard or cold, but I’ve just been through something similar with a very dear friend and told that friend the same thing I’m telling you now.