The quick list:
Another “lazy-eyed bastard” here - had my eyes re-aimed when I was 2 or so.
Two arthroscopies on my left knee to fix damage done by a mis-tracking patella.
A UPPP and T&A - one mad cautery session to work on chronic infections and sleep apnea.
Followed by a septoplasty to help sinus infections that were being masked by tonsil infections.
Finally, a laparoscopic fundoplication to cure wicked heartburn
In 1999, I had an open bite that required surgery on my upper teeth involving my pallette. It wasn’t cleft or anything, it just that when I smiled, my front teeth didn’t come together. Picture biting into a sandwhich and ripping out the meat whole while pulling it back. So above my upper lip, they cut the top front teeth, I think about the front six, lowered the teeth and graphed bone, titanium hooks and screws to keep it together. After the surgery, they didn’t believe that I didn’t feel pain, but they sneeked the morphine into me, even when I requested that I didn’t want any drugs fearing that I may get sick. Well I was right, I got sick and threw up just hours after the surgery. Ok, I mean my mouth was wired shut and I told them that I felt no pain but they continued to not believe me and I threw up with a wired shut mouth. Messy. Those Bastards! I couldn’t eat solids for about 8 weeks. My grill cost like $20,000+.
Not entirely – like I said earlier, they had to remove my bottom wisdom teeth when I was 12. They were just buds in my jaw, but they were blocking my next set of molars, so they took 'em out. My top ones didn’t come out until I was 18 or 19.
Nyah nyah. 
Though if you had your wisdom teeth at 14 that is pretty impressive!
Not much on my end…
Tonsils removed, age 8 or so…
Bunion removed, age 21.
(4 teeth, and all 4 wisdom teeth removed as well, but that didn’t require surgery: just a tug.)
It looks like some of our fellow posters here are nearly bionic, with the amount of surgery they’ve had! :eek:
<< There is no spoon. >>
Just realized that I left off my LASIK surgery 2 years ago.
Let’s see:
Wisdom teeth - don’t know if that should count
Cryosurgery on my cervix - twice (they told me I might feel some cramping. It hurt so fucking bad I wanted to punch the nurse)
Abortion - don’t know if that should count either
That’s it for now…
Two surgeries to take out part of my pancreas…both within two weeks of each other.
They waited 5 months, opened me up again to take my gallbladder.
Spent almost 4 months in the hospital 1 of those months in ICU on a vent, and a total of 7 off of work.
The day all of this started was the day I had planned on proposing to my girlfriend. Somewhere along the line I ended up proposing to her…Don’t remember it, but she was wearing the ring! Ahh the power of drugs!
Woohoo, now I’m recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed. See my pissy pit thread here: Why I want to punch the Oral Surgeon
Left thumb to remove a Dermatofibroma. Most are on the skin, mine was several layers below.
Double hernia.
Does the umbilical cord count? Because I think that’s the last flesh I’ve had cut by a doctor. But eventually I’ll have to get at least one wisdom tooth out (and if I recall correctly, I only have one – upper right).
Lens implants, both eyes.
This operation is a piece of cake. Swear to God. If you need it done (for, say, cataracts) GET IT DONE. True slice of life:
I’m under the anesthesia and the operation is proceeding.
“Stop that!” I hear the surgeon say.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re humming!!” he almost shouted. “You’re killing me!!” (verbatim quote.)
I didn’t realize it but that’s what I was doing - to the music that they piped into the earphones I had on. Which tells you how nicely oint0lalaland you can get. You’re not supposed to talk - much less hum during eye surgery.
Also had radiation seed implants to my cancerous prostate. Another nonevent.
Before this, my Urologist did the biopsy of my prosstate and a weeks or so later, he sat me and my wife down for a 20-minute lecture on the pros and cons of radiation implants vs surgical removal of the prostate. (Wife and I actually took notes like we were in a college lecture.)
Fortunately for me, it seemed I had just about the perfect case for radiation. When I told the Dr. that this was my choice, he allowed I made the best decision. He’d have done the surgery. A Radiologist did the implants.
The most discomfort? The anesthetic needle prick for the biopsy. After that zippo. Maybe there was more of the same for the seeds, but all in all a walk in the park.
No matter how much anyone cajoles you, you’re gonna worry when you go in for surgery. Just try to keep it down. Chances are very, very good, the experience will be far less terrible than you imagined.
If you want, email me I’ll say prayers for you. They seemed to have worked for me. I asked the Urologist a few years after the implants and my treatment for bladder cancer: “When I fill out a form and it asks if I have cancer, what do I answer?”
He said “No Evidence of Disease. N-E-D. You’re Ned!” he said as we walked from the treatment room. “Dr. Petit,” he called to a colleague across the hall, “Have you met my patient Ned?”
Helluva a guy, my Urologist.
Another lumbar lami–L4-5. Disc L5-S1 ruptured a few years later, but the pain resolved without surgery. The MD was surprised I didn’t have more symptoms from it. He even came back in the examing room to ask if I was sure I wasn’t incontinent. “No, Doc, I’m not. That’s not a symptom I’m gonna forget to tell you.”
I fell in the shards of a broken bottle when I was about 18 months old and cut my hand. I had to have reconstructive surgery and still have one gimpy finger, but it doesn’t cause any problems.
Two years ago, I lost a lot of weight and had a tummy tuck and thigh lifts. Piece of cake, both of them.
Toddler~tonsils and adenoids
Teens~lower wisdom teeth
25~sinus surgery to remove polyps. Turns out that barrel of goop at work that’s labelled “Toxic” really is. Never had allergies in my life, then after working next to where the goop was used for a few months, cooked up a sinus infection that wouldn’t quit. Finally went to the doc for some antibiotics, doc immediately sent me to specialist who scheduled me for surgery the following day.
That packing thing they do after sinus surgery? So not fun! I sneezed after coming out of the anesthesia and thought my eyeballs were going to fly right out of my skull.
29~Cryosurgery on the cervix. Slight cramping, indeed. :rolleyes:
Groin. As a baby, back before they used anesthetics on babies. To fix a hernia.
Urinary system, numerous places, numerous times, to cut or yank kindney stones out. Biggest was 13 mm and it was stuck with a 9 mm, a 7 mm, and some smaller ones.
Wrist, Cyst. Comparitively speaking, that one was actually pleasant.
Upper leg. I had a rod put into my femur. Accompanying that, they did an arterial graft and sliced my lower leg down to the muscle on both sides to let it swell without complication (aka, fasciaotomy, don’t blame me if this is misspelled.)
Skin graft. They stapled the fasciaotomies closed a few days after they did them. Since (I assume) my white blood cells were busy elsewhere, the wounds spoiled. My orthopedic surgeon pulled the stitches, they did skin grafts a week later, and that’s why my lower leg looks like a brisket.
Teeth. At the same time, I broke three of my front teeth. Since I was already in the hospital for the broken leg, they used the operating room to do the root canals and put on the temporary caps.
Apparently, I was lucky enough to have a ‘calcified appendix’. I went into the hospital at 10:30 am and they finally got me into the operating theatre at 11:30 that night. I was in so much pain when they finally got me in, my belly was swollen and I could no longer move.
Later, the doc says, “It’s a good thing we got you in when we did, your appendix fell apart in my hands” sheeesh.
All better now, but for some reason, the scar still hurts at times.
Heart and aorta. I had my aortic valve replaced in 1984, and again in November 1993 along with my ascending aorta after a massive aneurism (17cm) manifested. Another open-heart repair four weeks later when the graft began to leak at the seams, and twice more the following September for the same problem. Five times, all told.
All better now, and I’m a runner and cyclist, or will be again next month; I’m on a three month break after breaking my pelvis just before Halloween in a freak bicycle accident.