Maybe I should get a bunch of pieces of saltwater taffy and iron them at the highest setting.
For any particular reason, or just for shits and giggles?
Make sure you wear pants. Trust me on this!!
If you’re going to be experimenting, make sure you microwave some of it too.
Don’t forget the camcorder!
And will you be wearing them to work afterwards?
Put the taffy in your pants, iron them, then go to work.
I thought I was a penguin once. This, too, passed.
Ironed saltwater taffy, however…
OK, wait, I’m confused. Do you mean put the taffy in your pants, then put your pants on, and then iron, or iron the pants and then put them on? Or should we wait until we’re at work to put the pants on?
This is one of those “you know, this will probably end badly” ideas.
at first, i thought about how satisfying it would be to feel that hard, firm lump of taffy melt under the scorching heat of the iron. I could feel, in my mind, the mass easing into a soft liquid under the steam. but then i thought about how gooey and sticky it would be, oozing out all over the place, and how hard it’s going to be to clean up, and then the taffy starting to stick to everything like my hands and clothes, and there’s no way to get it off the iron because it’s so damn hot, but it’s still sticking to the surface of it, getting hotter and hotter, and stickier and stickier, as I stand by helpless, watching the sugar caramelize and that putrid burning odor come belching out. meanwhile, melted taffy is flowing onto the floor, getting embedded in the carpet. and there’s no turning back.
Well, don’t say we didn’t tell you so. At least, I think we did. Did we?
Okay, okay, it’s all our fault! We’re so sorry! We’ll be right over to clean up the mess!
when I was a child, in the days before hair straightening irons (think early 70s) my older sister used to ask me to iron her hair. she had naturally curly hair that she wanted to be straight as was the style back then. She’d lay her head down on the ironing board. I’d brush her hair flat against the ironing board and then apply the hot iron. (I don’t recall the heat setting and whether or not there was steam involved)
If only you’d told me the taffy idea sooner. Good Times.
I hear that there’s a way to make coasters with taffy and an iron. It’s a lot like those potholders you make with the little loops of colored twine and the little loom-like thing where you sort of weave them and then take the ends off the loom and make a neat border by sticking one end through the next one and going all around until you have them all interlocked.
With the taffy, it’s more like plaiting several of them together before you iron them, then putting them in the freezer for a few days. You hardly ever see these things at craft shows, though.
now that’s a good bar snack, if I’ve ever heard of one.
You should try to put these thoughts out of your mind. I can only speculate it will end badly. 
Don’t listen to any of these clean-floor-having-non-fire-department-visited Nancy boys. I also suggest your experiment on a full bottle of Log Cabin maple syrup. Yeah…… that would be great.
I’d like to suggest a taffy cake or taffy pie with lots of prunes and avocado slices, baked for 30 minutes at 500 degrees and sliced real thin and served with lots of lime sherbet.
Does this paragraph make me hungry or horny? I can’t decide.
Clearly, you’re a worrier.
Consequences are for someone else to deal with. Just do it!
judging from the bit about a “putrid burning odor belching out”, I’d guess the latter.