I’ve bitched about this before. Watching Alton Brown is insufferable. His real personality, which he displays on every other show besides Good Eats, makes his “friendly food geek” routine stand out like a giant, badly formed pair of fake tits. I can’t watch Good Eats now without thinking “fakey fakey fakey fake faaaaaaaaaaaake!”
The guy’s really a stiff, unapproachable, tinpot dictator. He’s a manipulative martinet without a shred of real emotion besides contempt.
The worst of it was last night on Food Network Star, during the big emotional cliffhanger. Which one of Alton’s lovable losers will be sent home? Oh, the drama! Oh, the emotion! Oh, the sheer, raw humanity! Now is the time for a carefully orchestrated outpouring of tears and fake-assed TV histrionics.
That’s right. Alton Brown was supposedly crying. You see, he was supposedly equally attached to both his beloved protege’s.
Except that they were the most obviously bullshit TV tears I’ve ever seen. Alton couldn’t give a rat’s ass whether those two idiots drowned in peanut oil. The camera kept giving us short cutaways of Alton supposedly overcome with emotion, but it was as if the cameraman and the director both knew that he was utterly unable to show, and possibly to even EXPERIENCE, real feelings. It was painfully hilarious.
Actually, watching the process of making one of these shows is like watching the proverbial sausage-making. It really kills any illusions of authenticity you might harbor about these people. They’re all Type A, cutthroat, contemptuous pricks, and no, the mere fact of that doesn’t surprise me particularly, but it does not make me want to watch these assholes.