I hate capitalism (toilet related)

My toilet leaks. It’s probably the flapper. So I go to the hardware store to buy one. How hard can this be? A flapper is a flapper, right?

Um, no. It seems different toilets use different types of flappers. Who knew? I also don’t know what kind of toilet I have, so they sent me home to find out.

Turns out I have an Eljer toilet, which uses a particular type of flapper. The hardware store has none. But they have a generic type that will probably fit. It doesn’t, and now my toilet leaks worse.

I can’t bring myself to return a flapper that has been in my toilet water, albeit for a completely unsuccessful five minutes. So now I’m online trying to find a flapper for my Eljer toilet.

There is no marking on my toilet telling me which model of Eljer toilet it is. I know, because I crawled around on the floor carefully inspecting my toilet from all angles. This is not an experience I recommend. Many of the Eljer toilets I see online look EXACTLY the same to my untrained eye, yet have different part numbers for their respective flappers.

So I’m screwed. I’m going to either have to call in a plumber to replace a $4.00 flapper, thereby incurring a bill of around $200, or buy a whole new toilet.

Why is this all happening to me? Because of capitalism.

The free market philosophy has decreed that there should be competition between toilet manufacturers. So instead of just going to buy a generic fucking flapper, I have to learn all about different makes and models of toilets.

There should be one kind of toilet, or at least one kind of flapper.

This has killed my entire buzz about Obama becoming president because I no longer believe in our way of life. And I can’t flush my toilet, which is bound to become a problem in a week or two.

I agree. We should all live in the socialist paradise where everybody shits in a hole in the ground and there is no need for flappers, flippers or floppers.

One nice thing about capitalism is that you can usually pay somebody who knows more than you to do a job better and in less time than you can.

IOW, call a plumber.

Don’t know your location, but Menards carries Eijer bath fixtures.

Actually, in a pure capitalist system, I could buy a toilet that makes my foul humors disappear the first time, every time, and simply pay the extra $3/month for more water. Instead of this low-flow nonsense.

Yeah, who can come assess the situation, realize he needs to order a new flapper for an oddball toilet, and come back later in the week.

That shouldn’t cost more than $200, as the OP said. Plus $55 for the two trips.

I agree that if it weren’t for capitalism, there’d be only one kind of toilet. Then ***nobody’s ***toilet would work, and there would be ***no ***flappers available.

Why not take your old flapper, dry it off, and take it to the hardware store and see if they can find a model number or a generic that matches it or something? Faster than a plumber and it cost you nothing but time if it doesn’t work out.

I have to echo what the previous posters stated. I have had to use the toilet in formerly communist countries - it makes one appreciate the decadent West.

Before this gets out of hand…

I know I’m not the clearest writer in the world, but we do all realize this was not a serious critique of capitalism, yes? If it was, I would have put it in GD, and probably wouldn’t have used toilet flappers as an example.

Just sayin’ that it sucks to have toilet problems.

For that price, you ought to be able to go to the hardware store or Menards, and get one of each possible kind of flapper. One should fit, and if you can overcome your squeamishness about taking stuff back, you can get most of your money back too.

I think that you are totally missing the whole point of Capitalism here. What you are supposed to do Is take the whole old toilet, dump it in a landfill then go buy a new one and pay someone to install it. In other words: Why do you hate America?

I refer the Right Honourable Gentleman to the comments of some moments ago.

Orwell is quotable on almost any subject.

What I don’t get is why the OP cannot countenance the idea of taking the incorrect flapper valve, let it dry, and returning it.

The reservoir of water above the toilet bowl is clean - it’s just was well treated as what comes out of his kitchen sink*. It’s not til it gets into the bowl that it gets contaminated. And even then, the level of contamination is usually considerably lower than one would find in most kitchen sinks.
Having said that, having had to play musical flappers in the past, the OP has my complete sympathy. I hope he can get a flapper that works.

Or at least one with some great knees.

*I’m assuming that the OP has just one source of water for his residence, either a single well, or municipal water. If the OP does have a drinkable well and a non-potable well supplying his water that might indicate serious contamination concerns with the toilet reservoir water.

Why? If there’s pee or poo in the toilet tank, you’re using it wrong.

In Soviet Russia, toilet flappers you.


This is a particularly nasty practical joke I saw guys play on each other in the Navy - they called it an “upper deck.”


I’m so never going to Russia!