So, someone got this brilliant idea of inventing a toilet that uses less water. I have one of these beasts in my apartment.
It uses so little water, that it can swallow, in one gulp, a turd or one piece of clumped up toilet paper. Thus, a minimum of two flushes is required per shit. A particularly messy shit, like the one I just had (sorry for the TMI) required seven fliushes to finish the paperwork.
Brilliant invention, that low-flow toilet. Saves a lot of water, that.
Are you gonna use this as an excuse to piss on somebody’s car again? 
Nah, I recently invested in my own Plunger, so no more waiting for the Super to show up and unclog the thing.
I think pissing on one person’s car is enough for one lifetime.
What you have there is a defective toilet. The one at my parents’ place works like a charm.
Or a defective intestine.
OK, OK, I’m going.
Nice going. When I was a kid I had nightmares about the toilet eating me. Now your thread title has dredged up all those painful memories for me.
The toilets won’t bite me. The toilets won’t bite me. The toilets won’t bite me.
This thread is destined to get 300 posts. People HATE those low-flow toilets.
Ahem. For your consideration.
No clogs yet, and it has been “profoundly” tested.
We have one, and while it is a bit finicky it saved us over $100 on our quarterly water bill. 
Lack of power is a common complaint for low flow toilets. Or maybe we just take bigger turds in our country. Must be all that red meat.
Marc
I think my in-laws have one of those in their motorhome. I’d certainly welcome a commode like that. Those suckers can handle even the most monsterous of turds.
Marc
The toilets in the house I Grew up in were porcelain alters to shit. Tall, wide, and powerful, they could suck down a wad of shit and toilet paper the size of a small commuter bus.
Then the bad times came.
Now at the shithole apartment™ there are these squat little bowls that don’t seem eager to take your bodily waste, they just look beaten into submission, they cower under your ass. The flimsy little tiny ass seat makes me feel like I’m trying to shit into a life saver, and the cigarette burns along the inside rim from where the previous piece of shit tenant rested their shitty smelling smokes remain, since the goddamned super didn’t think it was important enough to replace.
But the real fun begins when you flush. More than one ball of toilet paper? No go! Abort! Abort! Nothing like having to flush after EVERY OTHER GODDAMNED PIECE. Then, it still clogs up randomly, so you go to wipe again and slosh your hand in shit and toilet paper populated bowl water, that has risen right up to the very top.
Don’t even start me on the piece of shit “low-flow” econo shower heads either…this lovely piece of shit (according to a date found stamped on a cheap folding metal closet door this unit dates back to 1979) which is quite older than I am, has two water pressure settings: sandblast your skin off your bones and clog the already anemic drain with chunks of your flesh…or eleven fairies pissing on you from heaven with their tiny fairy penii. There is also about half a degree of knob movement between water temperature close to the boiling point of lead, and the temperature of liquid nitrogen.
These units were designed by someone that hated humanity…probably the same people that designed the interior of the 1996-99 Ford Taurus, but that’s another story.
Several years back, I had to stay with a friend for a few weeks between moves. Said friend, brand-new home owner, decided I needed detailed instructions for using the low-flow convenience. Apparently, he believed one could not have a proper toilet experience with less than 4 flushes. I have no idea what he did in there, but I found a single flush to be sufficient it nearly every situation. In fact, except for the time the main drain line from the house got clogged by roots, I’ve never had any bowl-clearing problems. Maybe I’m missing something here???
At band camp (yes, yes, I know. I used to play flute, too), we had those. Every year the mamas and papas (chaperones) would give “plumbing 101” to the band to remind them how to use these. Signs such as “poop, flush, wipe, flush” were rampant, and you had to pay to have the toilets unclogged (only .50$). And everyone would know, by the next day, What room it was it, who unclogged it, and who did it.
Definately a preventive measure there, band gossip. Spreads like freaking wildfire.
~C~
<snip>
Heh. I’d bet there is people on this board that would pay for that sensation…
And no, I’m not one. 
Count me in the anti-low-flow crowd.
I believe there is a vast difference in quality of these monstrosities. I have seen them with so much “power” that it sounded like an explosion when flushed to so little flushability that it took several flushes just to remove the toilet paper.
When it’s time to replace the Ruby toilets, I am going to insist on a test drive first…
[sub]Mommy, why is that lady sitting on the loo in the middle of Lowes?[/sub]
FYI: Consumer Reports now tests toilets, and yup, they did find huge differences in quality. A couple of years ago I had to replace mine and the CU-nominated model did great. (I’d post a link but they’re subscription-only.)
Oh, and I highly recommend buying a handicap model, even if you aren’t 6’1". The regular ones are usually about 12" high, the handicap I bought is 14" high and that’s still lower than most chairs. Made a huge difference in comfort, however.
[sigh]
Nothing better than my 6’4" self sitting on the toilet with my knees up against my chin because the new toilets are so short…
[/sigh]
If I’m not mistaken, there are three basic types of toilets:
The cheapest and most common type. Works alright when you can flush with copious amounts of water, but trying to design one of these to flush properly with the 1.6 gallons per flush Congress has decided to allow is like trying to modify an M1 Abrams tank to get 50 miles per gallon with no loss of performance.
These toilets use line pressure to increase the power of the flush, much like the toilets in public restrooms. While they tend to be somewhat more expensive than gravity fed toilets, some of them can flush with incredible power, as Anthracite discovered. However, IIRC they don’t work properly if your water line pressure is below a certain level.
I vaguely recall an ond Consumer Reports article which reviewed various toilets of all three types, and IIRC the most powerful toilet was one of these. However, it was also the most expensive. Needless to say, if you live in an area particularly prone to blackouts, you should probably avoid this type unless you have a backup generator.