Dear apartment complex,
Wow, you are so environmentally-conscious with your new low-flow toilets.
I seem to be having a problem with them, though. Yeah, it takes a minimum of three flushes for any one of my bowel movements to stay down. Stay down completely, that is. If I only flush it twice I find that chunks of my diarrhea can flow back up to the surface ten minutes later. Christ, I can still see remnants of my fucking URINE when the bowl fills up after the first flush.
I can’t tell you how convenient this is for me on first dates. I’m in the bathroom for ten minutes flushing like there’s no tomorrow. And my date has no idea, so more than likely, I get to see chunks of stuff she’s crapped out because she doesn’t know any better to flush more than once when I visit my bathroom later.
I’m not a scat freak. There has to be a better way of conservation, bitches.
Hey, at least you are getting them back to your place on the first date…
Wait, this toilet sucks your balls… and you’re complaining? AND you’re getting action on your first dates. I must disagree with your rant…
Where did he say he was getting action? Plus, he’s with a girl who takes a dump at his place on the first date. Ewww.
If that . . . . . . . . . . ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ were true, you’d have nothing to complain about. My lowflow toilet couldn’t suck my balls if I ground them up first and fed them to it drop by tiny drop.
I suspect that the low-flow toilets at my work place actually blow. I also suspect that’s funny to Americans in a way that as a Brit I don’t fully understand.
We have 1.6 gallon low-flow toilets in our new office building. They work better than the old-style toilets in the old building did.
Sorry your apartment complex bought the cheap-ass kind.
Do what I do (in lieu of fixing the darned thing):
I have a short pitcher under the sink that holds about 2L. Prior to a “major flush” I fill the pitcher from the sink. After pushing the flush lever, I quickly pour the contents of the pitcher into the center of the swirling toilet water.
Never have a problem.
I’ve found that holding the handle down throughout the entire flush is the only thing that keeps everything in the bowl happily swirling to oblivion. I happen to be bulimic, too, so this is a particular problem for me. Blarg.
Can you adjust the mechanism so that more water comes into the tank before flushing?
There is no way in hell I would ever take a dump at a guy’s apartment on the first date. Or the second. In fact, not until I’d been dating for a while.
Perhaps if you got the dam toilet sorted out you’d make it past the first date!
You could probably adjust the overflow pipe (taller) so that the tank holds more water.
Hey, if the guy really liked you he wouldn’t be bothered by the smell of your little poopies.
This is something I do not understand: women’s aversion to their own bodily functions. Though I can understand avoiding farting or belching, why do so many women have to pretend they do not actually ever shit?
It’s not him who’d be bothered!
I can sympathize, Johnny. I have a similar problem with low-flow shower heads. You’re not saving any water if you have thick hair, and it takes so much longer to get all the soap out of it. My shower head is not low-flow now, and I can get my hair clean in a fairly short time, so I’m good with that.
As for toilets, when we replace our downstairs crapper, we are planning to go with a dual flush one - a normal flush for the relatively-rare poopies, and a low-volume flush for the more common peeps.
We used to have a pressure assist toilet at our old house that took care of any lingering reminders. When you flushed it sounded like a jet taking off from an aircraft carrier but nothing stayed behind. We’ve moved to a new house and I’m going to get a new one. It works on low flow toilets.
Well, it has to suck SOMETHING, because it’s sure not sucking down what it’s supposed to