I don’t get drama. I just don’t get how some of these sappy, mindless, nonblowingupaliens books manage to get awarded when me writing Allworkmadejackadullboybecausewhenheread awfulbookshedevelopedeachandeverymentalillnessimaginable for 1200 pages and it would be better than these steaming piles of excrement. and that’s saying something, since I hate my own writing.
More specifically, the steaming piles of excrement are:
Bridge to Terabithia
and
Awake and dreaming
now, 95% of the population may think I’m insane for putting Bridge to Terabithia up there, but I have the emotional range of a ROCK, and I have the emotional range of a POTATO when I’m on ritalin.
My complaints:
Bridge to Terabithia completely and utterly cheated me out of 30 minutes of my life, which I could be devoting to tying my shoes or looting Saddam Hussein’s mansion. The only reason that I read that buffalo testicle eating mess was because I thought it would be like the Lord of the Rings, or something like that. I thought it would be GOOD. But no, I get treated to another pighearteating demon of a book.
Now, I know what evocative is. I can feel that. And I didn’t throughout the entire book. the one time I felt emotion was when I saw the book again.
It had an “Evocative” cover. like two people walking through a flaming wood kind of evocativeness. and it also had an androgynous kid looking at a redhead.Look little androgynous boy! Look at the redheaded kid! or I will shoot a puppy!(my fit of stupidity. And I think the androgynous blond kid MIGHT(0.00000000000000000001% chance) be the girl, but do I care? NO! that was the only evocative part of the book, and it wasn’t meant to be!
the other book
Awake and dreaming
is probably the only book stocked in hell’s library.
this book is somewhat like Joe dirt, but joe dirt had an interesting character, and it was funny. the book( I have to read this) is about some pathetic kid who evidently is the clone of marvin the paranoid android(but he’s funny) in human form. and the testicle munching main character lives in a godforsaken hellhole, gets yanked out of there, learns it’s a hallucination and gets stuck in another hellhole. there’s something about a ghost, but unless this ghost is a cross between Pazuzu, an obapinia and Cthulhu who sings show tunes while killing people, it won’t hold my interest. another comparison, the main character is like a robot from A.I, but the robots there can reveal a terminatorish skull, which I believe is the only high point of the movie.
Since I had to write about this abomination unto man sent by jack chick and his demon legion, i’ve compiled every nasty thing I’ve written about this book that I can remember here.
each copy of this book should be put in a safe attached to a nuclear missle. upon firing, if the terrorists aren’t killed by the nuke, they will be forced to read each copy of the book by highly trained marines. this, however would be probably banned by the geneva convention as being too evil.
If the author of the book had any shred of human decency, the symbiotic hellspawn that wrote this book should end this book in 10 pages or less so the world can stop having nightmares about theo, the main character, entering thier house, locking all the exits and forcing them to listen to her incessant whining until they commit suicide to try to get her to shut up. However, I doubt that, because if the demon writing this book had that decency, it wouldn’t have wrote this in the first place.
so the main character believes she’s a puppet, eh? then someone in this book can kill her without regret!
the main character believes everyone who is not part of a nuclear family is the spawn of Satan himself. so, is gandhi a hellspawn? is mother teresa a hellspawn? is she a hellspawn? then, she should enjoy the company since if god is loving to the good little christians he should send her to hell just so he can get some peace and quiet.
the only reason this book won that award is because the people reviewing it are mentally retarded, drunk, high on every drug in exsitence, possessed by 42 cosmic entities that look like elvis and got bribed by the writer.
this book’s purpose could have been served by a tape that played “You Filthy, shiteating,cumguzzling,pissdrinking, neonazi commie cocksucking mentally retarded whore,May a thousand vipers bite your brain with the venom of a thousand thousand scorpions and may a thousand thousand thousand demons torment your soul and may a thousand thousand thousand thousand arrows be stuck in your spine and may a thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand fire ants infest your genitalia and may a thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand fiery wolves rape your children and their children and their children until the end of time!” for eternity.
See why I hate drama?