Okay, not all cats but permit me to rant about a few things, including stupid cats.

I just got home from vacation. I left on Tuesday night - my SO returned on Wednesday night. I cleaned the house before I left. I get home and the house is a fucking pig sty. She left a fucking TRASH BAG on the Goddamn DECK - fucking walk it to the Goddamn trash cans!! Christ, how fucking lazy can you be? Jesus, I’m not your fucking mother!!

Did I mention the half eaten bowl of cereal she left by the bed? What the fuck? How about all of the laundry she apparently didn’t do (all her clothes) that is piled 3 feet high in the corner of the bedroom? Who the fuck does this shit??

Okay, the cats. I FUCKING HATE THE CATS. You’d think by now her goddamn cats would shit in the litter box but one of them has this huge goddamn problem and SHITS IN THE GODDAMN HOUSE. I’m about ready to shove its ass out the fucking door and let it get smashed dead by a car! GODDAMN! (And no, I wouldn’t really do it. Instead, I made sure they had plenty of food and water - Christ, I need an outlet…oh wait, this is it.)

The fucking cats made a MESS. They knocked shit all over, etc - PUT THE CATS IN A GODDAMN KENNEL OR SOME SHIT. CHRIST!!! Augh!! I can’t stand the fuckers! TRIM THEIR GODDAMN NAILS!! Christ, everything about the cats is a fucking disaster! WHY must one of them PISS IN THE GODDAMN TUB??!! That’s so disgusting! I hate that they even shit in the box that we keep in the house. Would it be so bad if my SO fucking cleaned up after them better?? YES - she’s just so FUCKING LAZY sometimes!! AUGHHGHGHGH!! I have HAD IT!!

THEN (and this is the topper), I sit down on the couch - that’s funny. I hear a noise. What is that? Why, it’s DRIPPING. Water is dripping from the goddamn ceiling on to the couch. What the fuck? I run upstairs - and it appears to be coming from the base of the toilet which seems to be operating just fine. It sure as hell was when I left the goddamn house. But now there is water pooled everywhere and it is a fucking mess!! WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK?! Jesus H Christ - GODDAMN CATS AND A GODDAMN WET MESS ON THE FLOOR AND ON THE FUCKING LEATHER COUCH!

Right now, I want to move into my own fucking place where everything is put back in its rightful place and cats don’t exist. I want NO issues with a fucking HOUSE and NO issues with fucking cats and NO FUCKING LAZY ASS SO!!! GodDAMN, I am so fucking sick of it all!!

This doesn’t begin to cover my family reunion which was great except for my totally STUPID cousin who turns EVERYTHING into a goddamn PISSING CONTEST! Christ, I don’t want to compete with you, Victor, because we’re family! I’m happy for you! The fucker starts off the reunion by bragging about how he’s almost done with his PhD. I’m thinking he’s ready to defend it or something - NO! When I asked him about it, he hedged and then admitted that he wasn’t even done with the research to begin WRITING it! Then he says to my grandfather, my sister and me, “Yeah, 3 companies want me to work for them…but they can’t afford me!” You know what, you dumb fuck? Your dad already said you’re unemployed and was having trouble finding a job! But the best was that my sister and I never said a damn word and we just nodded and said, “Wow…that’s great…good for you…” And then when he FINALLY stopped talking about himself and asked what my sister and I were doing with OUR life, one of our uncles came by and said, “She’s a doctor…and she’s an attorney.” His face was priceless because WE don’t fucking care about that shit but he made it this stupid fucking pissing contest. WHY he has to be competitive is fucking beyond me!! Who the fuck cares?? You want to tell me that you’re working on your PhD? I’ll be the first to encourage you and congratulate you. But you want to fucking BRAG about it? Then go fuck yourself because I’m not impressed!

Okay. Done. Need alcohol.


Gives Tibs a hug…passes her a pint of the black.

Only a few more weeks until the butter cow™…woo hoo!!

Umm, errr, well, it could be worse? Every cloud has a silver lining? It’s always darkest before the dawn? I’m just about out of clichés - anything working for you here?

(I’m with you on the cat issues - we have two cats, and they DO NOT poop or pee anywhere but their boxes in the basement - my house is not a barn, where animals are free to defecate wherever they please.)

Wow, the first part of your rant I was thinking… SO = COUSIN ??

Glad to see the SO was left out of the title and the Boorish Cousin was regaled in the later part of your rant.

Just for your own personal information.
Cat chili with a bit of Jack Daniels is mighty tasty :smiley:

just kidding.

Oh man, no - SO is not cousin. heh.

I wonder if they made gay marriage legal if they’d let cousins marry. shudder

I’ve calmed down a little now. Update forthcoming.


But cousins do get to marry!


hesitantly passes the cherry Pucker

backs away slowly