The reason I hate rape jokes is because the jokes (and the attitudes of those telling them) always seem to boil down to “She wasn’t harmed, just inconvenienced a little, and she probably enjoyed it too”. For instance, “If rape is unavoidable, relax and enjoy it”. Or “The prostitute’s check bounced, so she’s claiming rape”. Even today, many people, men AND women, feel that the victim has usually been asking for it in some way. And even today, many people feel that rape (of an adult) is really not that serious. I’m glad that the prevailing attitude today is that rape IS a horrible crime. However, I don’t think that we as a society have advanced far enough that we can comfortably joke about it.
I have to admit that on two separate occasions, somebody tried to rape me. Both times it was before I was 18. Because of the rape jokes and attitudes that I’d heard, I thought that I was somehow encouraging or asking to be raped, and I didn’t report the attempts. I want everyone to understand that being raped is NOT their fault. I want everyone to know that no means no.
I’m specifically talking about forum behavior, where I see a lot of kids throwing the word ‘rape’ around, some using photoshopped pictures with the word “rape time!” or something similar.
But I’ve also seen it in real life. I saw a young guy rush up to a girl from behind and yell “rape!” at her. I mean, this isn’t a clever knock-knock joke, it’s just… I don’t know, it makes me uncomfortable.
I don’t know if you’ve seen that show or not, but there are a few rape jokes floating around it, thanks to the main character using the busty red-head as her personal dress-up doll.
I don’t mind rape jokes, but I do think it depends on context and company. I find the picture above funny, because it’s not too far off from what probably did follow that look. The incident you mentioned beneath, though, I probably wouldn’t find the least bit amusing.
Everyone has their own hot buttons. Yours is rape. For friends of mine, who lost their baby, dead baby jokes are the most hateful thing that they can imagine. They would find it incomprehensible.
Maybe, but can you be as sure that no one in the audience has lost a baby? Do you think that because the method of death is different it will be less painful?
I think it is all odd, laughing at other’s pain (And I of course am guilty at times too.), but I also understand that it is a coping mechanism. In general, I try not to make jokes at other’s expense. I’m not perfect at it, but I try.
Khadaji, just one more reason that you are one of my favorite Dopers. I appreciate how hard you try to be a better person. We definitely need more folks like you.
As to jokes that others would find distasteful, I have no problem understanding where they’re coming from. Both dead baby (which makes me shudder) and rape (which makes me furious) jokes don’t set well with me and typically, I don’t know anyone who’d tell one in my company. But that said, I do make insanity jokes. However, they are only at my own expense.
And I too am sorry for what’s happened to you MrDibble. How awful. I hope you’ll see some sort of recourse out of this painful situation. You’re in my thoughts.
I think that sums up my feelings pretty well too. What makes internet rape humor so blunt is that it’s often thrown out with so little care. If it’s okay to say in real life, then it’s often well thought through and intelligent. And if it’s with subjects this sensitive, then I think they *have *to be.
Be it child murder, be it racial issues, be it rape. Anythign can possibly be joked about in the right way and in the right context. But Internet makes it too easy to joke about it with no consequences. It’s a matter of respect.
I feel the same way about rape jokes. And suicide jokes and dead baby jokes and gay jokes and racist jokes. There are a lot of jokes that are simply tasteless - sometimes they are funny and tasteless. But all those jokes are tasteless.
I’ve talked to plenty of people who understand that “someone breaking into your house and violently raping you at knifepoint” is serious. But that if you are on a date with a girl and are fooling around and she gets to a point where she says “no” - she really doesn’t mean it and that you just need to apply a little emotional or physically pressure. Some of these guys have believed that a girl who gets to a certain point in fooling around and says no is giving you a cue that she wants “rough sex.” After all, why would she be fooling around with you if she didn’t want sex.
I’ve also met plenty of guys who think its ok to get a woman drunk or stoned in order to reach “the point of consent” (which in some cases has apparently been “passed out drunk.”) Which may or may not be rape, but itsn’t the most ethical behavior in the world - and a casual perspective on rape makes consent under the influence seem more reasonable.
In my opinion, there’s a terrible lot of lack of empathy towards the feelings of another among a distressingly large number of people in the world today. I’d like to add that I’m seeing this in particular in the younger part of the populace – Generations X and Y – but that’s not an indictment of the “Get off my lawn, you young whippersnappers!” variety, just a proportionate increase in attitudes. I certainly saw enough of it among the young when I was a kid and young adult, but the Boomers seem to have developed some empathy over the years, so it may be age-related rather than generational in its character. (And of course it’s a generalization: Captain Carrot stands head and shoulders above the likes of His4Ever, to take two people not at random that would refute my comment if one datum defeated a generalization.)
The most vulgar and obnoxious of rape jokes derive from, and also feed, that lack of apathy. The others are, I believe, an attempt at “edgy” humor that slips over the edge into the chasm of hatefulness. For example, one could essay a pun on “bringing Al Sharpton down on your ass” that plays on the literal meaning of the phrase. But if it fell flat, as with me it would be likely to, it would be a truly obnoxious comment to anyone who has been victimized – and as one who has been victimized in other ways, I can easily understand the raw nerves that must be associated with rape remarks by rape victims.
Further, the “he/she was asking for it” attitude should be quashed with everything from an Eve-esque cut direct to arranging for the nearest WWE wrestler to hold the commentor up by his chin while he explains to him what’s wrong with the remark. That a girl may choose to be somewhat promiscuous in her love life, or a gay man may willingly bottom, does not license someone to commit sexual assault on them without their consent.
I was raped a long time ago, and I’ve been over any pain since I left my teens, but thanks for the warm thoughts. You too, Mellivora . BTW, you want to pop into the “Nice South African” thread? I think they need a non-bruin-ou perspective in there.
I can’t get the search to work right now, but I remember a thread a few months ago by a guy whose neighbor, on seeing an attractive woman walk by, said, “I could rape her all night long” or something to that effect. You may not know anyone personally, but they are out there.
While I would personally object to that statement, I don’t for a moment believe that the guy expected to be taken literally.
Benny Hill used rape humor all the time. I didn’t find it particularly funny, but it was definately out there. But he, also, I suspect did not expect to be taken literally.
I find (generally) the prison rape type joke that is standard fair here and elsewhere to be not particularly amusing, either. and, in that case, I suspect the folks intend a more literal interpretation as well.
I don’t generally laugh at racist or misogynist jokes, either. OTOH, when chatting w/my pal Wallace years ago, found myself using the ‘mighty white of me’ line from time to time (I’m white, he’s black), as a joke. We both laughed.
Laughter and humor tend to be coping mechanisms for humans at times. We can’t always stop our own laughter.
A study done out of UCLA in 1986 found 30% of men admitted they would commit rape if there was no chance of getting caught. When the survey changed the word rape to “force a woman into having sex” it increased to over 50%.
I don’t have the original citation to the study, though it was performed by Neil Malamuth. It is referenced in Robin Warshaw: “I Never Called it Rape: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape.” (1986) at page 97.
I don’t have the original survey to look at for possible bias, but the indication from it is certainly that there is a significant proportion of the population that sees rape as rather trivial.
I hang out with a bunch of boys. This would be because we share a hobby (strategy card games). It’s a hobby that’s by-and-large dominated by 15 - 25 year old guys. My husband and I play in tournaments as a couples activity
This means that I’m quite frequently the only girl in a room filled with boys - with a largeish fraction being young enough to actually be my child (if I’d started early).
For the last couple of months, before I put an abrupt and exceptionally decisive stop to it, the lot of them were addicted to making casual rape references.
“I’d rape her in a second!”
“Man, she’s totally rapable”
“What’s wrong with you, you get raped last night?”
Now, none of them meant it in the literal sense. These are mid-to-late teenage dorks. I’ve known these boys for years - they’re just not capable. They were using the word like “dude” or “cool” - a random colloquialism devoid of actual meaning.
Then I started whapping them upside the back of their pointly little heads every time they did it.
They just never made the connection between the current random slang verbiage and violent sexual assault, until it was pointed out to them in so many words (and in the case of the slow of thought, punctuated with random whaps). They thought they were sounding edgy and cool. Man were they sheepish after the lecture was over.
There are bad jokes and there are funny jokes. I’ve heard some of the most dispicable things joked and found the joke funny.
There’s the stupid throw away line ones.
What’s blue and rapes children?
Me, in my lucky blue suit.
What’s 12 inches long, pink and hard in the morning and makes women cry?
A cot-death
Then there are the skits along the lines of Derek and Clive. “Kicked her in the cunt” etc.
All are meant to shock and divide opinion. You’ve obviously found your line. There’s nothing wrong with this but unfortunately there are people who have a different line. The internet makes this shit easier as well as it provides anonymity. People can say shit without real life people judging them on the bile that they are spurting.
