I hate the stupid blue flashy thing.

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ll admit it from the outset; it’s all my own fault.

I needed a new cell phone, so I went out and bought one. That’s the whole story, really; the stupidity is in the details. My wife and I went to the Verizon Wireless place and started checking into the various options available vis a vis a new phone for the moron who’s typing this crap right now. So after putting my name down fifth on the list to speak to the Mighty Sales Representative For Verizon Wireless we started mooching around the store comparing and contrasting phone models in a futile effort to match a particular phone and service plan to my unique and adventurous lifestyle (Sometimes I’ll have two cookies with lunch. No, really.) which wasn’t too tedious until I realized that I was, in fact, shopping. In a move that will foreshadow more stupidity to come, I rejected the Razr out of hand because it doesn’t have a speaker. I think you can start to picture how the rest of my day went.

Anyway, when we finally get to talk to the Mighty Sales Representative I have a pretty firm idea of what I don’t want or need, like a camera (whose bright idea was it to marry these technologies anyway?), a full keyboard to facilitate text messaging (I have never sent a text message in my life), a heartrate monitor (really), a GPS navigation dealio, or a foot massager. I also had a pretty firm idea of what I did want and need (to place and receive phone calls). After two or three minutes of consultation with Mr. Upsell I decided on my shiny new phone - an LG I Don’t Remember The Model Number.

It’s spiffy. It can place and receive phone calls, which I think we can all agree is a nice feature, and it has some other nifty stuff. Like an mp3 player and stereo speakers (a whole inch and a half apart and pointing out the sides) and voice recognition software that doesn’t understand the English language as it emanates from my mouth. It also has a GPS navigation dealio and a camera, but at that point my eyes were glazing over. And if you read the thread title you’ll also know that it’s Bluetooth capable.

Stop laughing, you.

So we check out, and I get my little accessory packages - home and car chargers, nerdy little belt clip, and the stupid useless blue flashy thing (which I’ll come back to). Hey, the phone is Bluetooth capable, so I might as well Bluetooth the hell out of it, right? Right? (I asked you once to stop laughing.) Whatever; I got the earpiece. Then we went home to rip some CDs to the hard drive on the computer and realize that I had to go back to the store for the special USB cable to connect the phone to the desktop. Which came in a box with a worthless eight page manual, earphones, and a CDR full of software I already had. I went home, synched up the phone and the computer and made yet a third trip to the store for a goddamned memory card.

(Incidentally, aren’t you tired of these parentheticals?. Also incidentally, I think having the USB and the charger both plug into the same slot is an odd design choice that’s going to jump up and bite me on the ass one day. Like when the computer tries to upload mp3s to the phone battery or something.)

Anyway, I eventually got the phone set up and I like it, particularly the mp3 player, which I didn’t really want in the first place. It’s turned out to be a great thing to have, because it allows me to shut out my coworkers and just generally withdraw from the world even more than I had before. I love the “shuffle” feature because I enjoy getting stuff like Vivaldi’s Rite of Spring followed immediately by Johnny Cash singing Understand Your Man. I just generally like the phone about as much as I can bring myself to like an electronic leash.

But I hate, hate, hate that Bluetooth earpiece.

It’s useless to me and damned annoying to boot. It wasn’t until everything was said and done that I realized that I have absolutely no need for a phone earpiece. I refuse to talk on the phone while driving, and I honestly can’t think of another situation in which I wouldn’t have at least one hand free or be using the earphones. Then there’s the whole flashing blue light situation. This thing flashes blue when it’s turned on and flashes faster when actually in use, which does me absolutely no good as an indicator because I can’t see out of my ear. The only purpose of this “feature” that I can see is that it informs other people that I’ve been Assimilated into the Dork Collective.

So there you have it - the whole point to this long, rambling rant. I paid thirty bucks for a little plastic chunk of nerdware that I’ll never use and can’t return.

2

I think you’re confusing Stravinski’s Rite of Spring and Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons.

3

I am indeed. I was thinking The Four Seasons.

It’s Chopin right now and the playlist says the Foo Fighters are next. This thing is like a neverending surprise party for my ears.

It’s odd - I never got an mp3 player before because I thought I’d never use it, but now that I got one more or less by accident I use it all the time.

4

It’s a really good shuffle feature.

5

Ah, yes, The Four Seasons… legends of Motown.

What?

6

Great rant. Not so much for the level of vitriol but for the quality of the writing.

7

But now, with the ear piece installed, you can talk to yourself all day and no one will think you are any crazier than you have already lead them to previously believe. And, if they were in a talking mood anyhow, you can motion toward the ear piece to indicate that they should shut up and go away because you are pretending to be on the phone.

8

The purpose of it is the same as the purpose of those revolving rims you see on some young men’s cars. It says, “Look at me! I have disposable income! Aren’t you impressed? Please, please be impressed!”

9

I hate stupid blue flashy things, too. Last week, I walked into my home office and saw so many flashing blue lights I thought K-Mart was having a sale. There’s my Netgear MIMO router that constantly flashes blue, and the flashing serves no purpose except to remind me that the router is working. The on/off button on my HP desktop computer flashes blue when my computer goes to standby after a period of inactivity. Then there’s all the Bluetooth crap, as if people need flashing blue lights to constantly remind them that Bluetooth is, indeed, turned on.

10

Thanks. My writing usually has a monkeys-and-typewriters quality to it, but I must have gotten lucky with this one.

That must be it. I simply can’t think of another explanation.

11

I have a bluetooth as well. The main use for me is to use while driving. I refused to use a cellphone while on the road, but occasionally I do need to make a call and the bluetooth is handy. I also use it while walking around so I don’t have to hold the phone. So far, I’ve been able to wear it under a knit cap so it looks like I’m talking to myself.

I hate the blue light. I keep the thing turned off unless I’m in the car since the blinking light is annoying although handsfree is nice when I’m listening to someone drone on and want to do something else.

12

Sorry, buddy. No can do.

I will see what I can do about the snorting, though, in the interest of good manners.

Nope, sorry. Still snorting.

13

An amusing piece.

/rattles jewellery from upper balcony

14

The solution to the stupid blue flashy thing.

15

Maybe they’ll let you return the earpiece.

Also, the fact that the sync cable plugs into the same slot as the power cable may mean that the phone is capable of being USB-charged by your computer. I’m not familiar with the LG Don’t-Remember, but my (verizon) phone works that way. I happen to really appreciate this feature. It means when I travel I don’t need to bring the whole charging cradle since I’ll always have my laptop with me anyway.

Go crazy and take some pictures. Maybe you’ll find that it too might come in handy in a way you didn’t expect.

16

I’ve got a bluetooth headset for my phone, and I’m convinced it’s designed for mutants. When I wear it, the speaker sits so far back, it is resting against the back of my ear, no where close to the actual canal. In order to fit, my ear would have to be 3/4 of an inch longer, front to back, or I couldn’t have any kind of ear structure above the ear canal. Who is this thing designed for? And I must be special. While my phone blinks blue, the earpiece blinks green. Maybe I can use it to confuse traffic on the local road? Stop/go/stop/go…

17

When I first skimmed over this I read it as revolving rims you see on some men’s ears . OK I was wrong, but I still like that image.

18

Well, it would certainly be impressive…

19

I have what is probably an earlier iteration of your new LG phone and agreed, the thing I love most about it is the MP3 player.

I hate Bluetooth too so I bought these earbuds from Jabra instead.

They’re over the ear rather than the kind you wedge into your ear canal. They also have a microphone attached to the wire and can be used as hands-free phone which is handy when you find yourself on hold. The sound quality is ok. I mean, for $20 earbuds it’s better than expected. Sennheiser makes some buds that I’ve been thinking of switching too since I’m a Sennheiser fan.

Also, I bought a usb data cable for under $10 at Amazon. You might consider if it’s worth returning the one you got from the Verizon store and shopping for one cheaper online. Of course, this would involve, you know, shopping, so proceed with caution. And yes, my LG phone recharges its battery by being attached to the computer via the usb. I’m not even sure where the AC cord is at the moment.

20

It doesn’t? turns on speaker phone on my pink Razr

Did you mean some other kind of speaker?