I HATE this place.

The BBQ Pit
1

<Lex at his interview for a promotion>
I HATE this place.
This zoo. This prison. This job, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer.
It’s the stupidity, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste their stupidity and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?

<grabs interviewer by head>
I must get out of here. Once my old job is left behind, there is no longer any need for me to talk to morons all night. In this head is my promotion, and you’re going to give it to me. You’re going to give it to me, or, you’re going to die.
…I don’t think I’ll get it. grunt, grumble

But really, I am starting to fidget in my current position. I hate coming to work, and doing what I do. It’s so fuckin’ boring and frustrating. The bullshit is at least waist high at all times.
The rules are more than I can bear, they come close to telling me when I can use the bathroom.
There is no solidarity, and there is no uniformity.
It’s not what you know, it’s who you know (luckily everyone loves me).
One of the worst things is that the Peter principle is in full effect.
Today I cruised by Hot Topic and bought a couple t-shirts. One says “Disgruntled” on the front and “Employee of the Month” on the back.
The other one looks like a USPS uniform shirt but is riddled with bloody bullet holes. The name tag says “Post Al”.
Heh.

I hate this place.

2

There there, Bart. There there.

3

There is no spoon…

4

I love Hot Topic, Lexi!

Cool place to shop. Can you get away with wearing said shirts to work?

5

In the Matrix there are no rules…Neo.

Needs2know

6

Tell me about it. I can no longer stand sitting up all fucking night long staring at all 25 comuters and 8 monitors! Fuck it. It’s my head, man. I’m coming apart, much as you are, Santi.

So, once again, I take a “mental health” day to calm my nerves from the constant 8 hour anxiety attack I had at work all week long, everyday, this week. They say they want to write me the fuck up! I asked them, I begged them, I pleaded with them to lay me off and give me my severance package…but no, they want me to go to a workers comp. Dr.!

Fuck em.

Hey! I take exception to this Santi! We used to talk all night long too! :smiley:

So I’m a moron now, eh?(was there any doubt?)

-Sam

7

Ummm… yes?

8

[9]SPOOOOOOON!!!**

9

Take the BLUE pill!

10

Ummmmmmm, Santi,

I have a few contacts in town if you want a change of pace…please call me and let me know or email seeing as you are so god damned afraid of actually calling me on the fucking phone < rolling eyes >.

I am serious. My family has been here in town since the early 50s and also have a lot of tech friends here.

So get off your fucking ass and ask a friend to give you some fucking leads, god damnit.

11

Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t fuckin’ take it.
(SirPsychoSanti flips pen and it stabs co-worker in the eye.)
I just can’t stand how stupid people are.
I have just given up, you are all witness to my surrender:

Client: I can’t install my modem.

Me:Okay, what did the last tech say?

Client: She said I need to reload my system.

Me: (grin) okay. No problem. Go ahead and get your Company Recovery CD.

Client: What’s that?

Me: It’s a CD that says “Company Recovery CD” on it.

Client: Huh?

Me: It’s a compact disc… it’s silver. It says “company recovery CD” on it in black letters.

Client: What’s that?

Me: It’s a CD! You know, they’re round, and shiny, and they can have music on them? You know, a CD?

Client: What do I need a CD for?

Me: You don’t need a CD, you need a particular CD. It’s called the Company Recovery CD.

Client: What is it?

Me: Nevermind. This is obviously getting us nowhere. I’m going to send you a service pack to send your system back for service.

Client: Oh. Okay. Can’t we fix it over the phone?

Me: We’ve been trying, but I can only help you as much as you help me, and when we can’t find the CD we need, it’s impossible for me to proceed.

Client: What CD do I need?

Me: The company recovery CD.

Client: Oh! I have that right here! Why didn’t you say so?

Me: Sorry. It must be my fault. Go ahead and put it in your drive.

Client: What?

Me: The CD.

Client: The what?

Me: Nevermind, I’m not doing this again. Your system is being sent back for service.

Client: Look, I don’t see why we can’t fix this over the phone.

Me: Well, we can’t. I can’t really explain it in layman’s terms, (read: you’re an idiot with a drool-rag the size of a Martha Washington comforter) but the symptoms your system is exhibiting are indicative of “non-specific hardware failure” and it needs to be serviced…

It’s a wonder I ain’t bald from pulling my hair out. At least when I move to online, I won’t have to talk to any more shmucks. I can type “You must contact the software vendor at their website: http://www.thirdpartyshitisnotmyproblem.com.” and they can’t argue and whine and shit.
Heh heh heh.
I can’t wait.

12

you can have one of my jobs

<shameless plug>
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=38065
</shameless plug>

a you’re a techie with any reasonable skill, the question isn’t “can I get another job” it’s “where do I want my next job to be and which one shall I take.”

13

“You’re an idiot with a drool-rag the size of a Martha Washington comforter.” -Lexicon

May I use this for my sig? Makes me giggle every time I read it.

14

Please do. I would use it for mine, but unfortunately, it would make me look cynical. And I’m not cynical.

15

Thanks! :slight_smile:

16

Oops!

17

Damn typos!

18

You WANT me on that wall, you NEED me on that wall!!