Can I rant here? I sure hope so!

Any of you have those insanely stupid jobs that so closely resemble “Office Space” it makes you want to puke? I’m in such a place, and I wont disclose the place here, but I’m sure a lot of you can relate. Let’s begin, shall we?

PIECE OF SHIT! I’m on call 24x7, every day, every night, and have been for over a year. They call me when the website is ONE FUCKING SECOND TOO SLOW! What kind of bullshit is that? Waste hours of my day just so someone can get the damn webpage a second faster on their 56K MODEM!!! I do NOT want to live to work! But no! I don’t have the choice. Here we go, how does this work, check it out, you shall see, HOO HOO FREAKING HA HA!!!

“We don’t want you to work so much overtime. Overtime is bad for the company.”
“Don’t call me and I wont work the overtime.”
“Ummm, well, yeah, about that. We need to call you.”
“Then I get overtime.”
“But overtime isn’t good.”

What do they expect me to do, work for free? Fuck that! Then they say that people with too much overtime could be audited for suspicion of them padding their timesheets. Isn’t THAT some shit. So they FORCE me to work NINETY (90) hours of overtime last pay period, and they have the nerve to tell ME that’s not something they like? There have been may TWO (2) weeks that I’ve worked here that I didn’t make at least an hour or two of overtime. And I work fast as a race horse! What…the…hell…

winds down

Let’s speak on the subject of manager’s, shall we? Oh yes, dear dopers, we shall. Okay, wind it on up, we’re on a fucking ROLL HERE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Managers, let’s see, where shall I start. How about, “WHAT’S THE FUCKING USE OF MANAGERS!!!” They sit around all day acting busy “delegating authority.” So that means that all they have to do it get everyone else to do their work, write disapproving emails when something is bad, write congratulatory emails when something looks good…but other than that, anything? Oh yeah, I forgot! “The website’s down, we need to fix it immediately!” To which the manager says, “YEAH! Let’s have a meeting AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER THAT CAN FIX IT and talk about it!” Is that fucking idiotic or what?

Fuck it! Let’s all become little subserviant pieces of workerbee shit! Let’s tear down our consience, tear out thought, destroy creativity, say FUCK OUR LIVES, and become a tool of the corporate goo. Let’s find success not in our lives, not in our dreams, but in a tiny little cubicle earning money for others! Let’s all get STUPID!

And shit, doesn’t it look like it’s heading that way? Can’t you SEE the imagination and life seeping out of everyone you know? Ever look at the patrons of a local McDonalds? They sway in front of the menu drooling, savoring the smell of rotting meat and grease, and finally waddle up to the counter and ask the pimpled idiotic boy (or girl, wouldn’t want to be politically incorrect) behind the counter for their order…if the person behind the counter interrupts to ask what kind of drink to include WATCH THE FUCK OUT! The person ordering will do a triple take and lose their train of thought, resulting in backups, confusion, and TOTAL lack of understanding by John Q. Burgermaker and/or Jane P. Lardburgerorderer.

Ever stop and think that it’s only the complete MORONS having kids nowadays? Okay, not all of them, but most of them! Shit, you have these idiots making $5.25 an hour on single income poppin’ out babies left and right like you wouldn’t believe! POP POP POP! STOP THE BREEDING! It just seems insane that to hunt or fish, you need a license, but you can bring a child into this world with no income! I’m not saying they need licenses to have kids, but JESUS H. CHRIST, you’d think people would figure it out!

And don’t even get me started on JESUS. GOD DAMN IT, I was born alright the first time. I don’t need some whacked out person with 5000 of their own problems telling me how to live my life OR afterlife, how to be a better person, so on, so forth. So what’s this shit? The good wont be saved at rapture, only the forgiven? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! STOP STOPPING ME ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DRIVEL! I’ve probably read the Bible more times that you have! Why don’t you give it a fucking BREAK!

winds down coughs

But wait, I’ve left the subject of work! Maybe because I don’t WANT TO BE HERE?! But no, I’m sitting here racking up overtime which I’m not supposed to get because they couldn’t let me leave! So I can sit here and write rants! GOD DAMN IT, I don’t CARE about the money any more, I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!


Okay, I’m done.


Might I suggest ten deep breaths followed by a hot bath? :wink:

I can relate to almost everything you said, but what are these “congratulatory emails” you speak of?

Seriously…turn off your pager, turn off your phone, and go drink a beer in the woods or on a beach or somewhere, before you go all Unabomber.

Actually, I’m trying to pay off all my debt so I can quit working in IT, give up Oracle, and stop being a DBA. I want to go back to school. Probably for biomedical engineering.

My friend, you picked the wrong field. Let me tell you about the wonders of technical support.

Sure, it’s got it’s down sides, but it’s a wonderful occupation for a few reasons:

  1. 8 hour shifts. And that’s it. No cell phone, no pager, no calls at home…it’s a beautiful thing.

  2. There are 10,000 other people here that can do your job. They have to, otherwise they wouldn’t be tech-support guys. Need to leave early? No problem, there’s 10,000 other people that can do your job!!!

  3. System down? No one can get to the web-site / DB / whatever? That’s OK, cause at the end of your shift, another tech support guy can take over. Meanwhile, the poor chump on the other end of the phone has been there for 2,587,325 consecutive hours…

Your plight is why I didn’t want another job as a sysadmin. Good luck…

Huh… wonder if you can find a place to work that will cut you a deal: “So, you’re interested in biomedical eng., and you’ve got good computer skills. Tell ya what: you work for us, using your computer skills, and we’ll help foot the bill for your schooling so long as you agree to work for us for at least X years.”

Well, it could happen… :smiley:

(Acutally, you may have very good luck getting a job as a liason between the comp people and the biomedical people once you finish your schooling. I hear a lot of complaints from people about how their department X doesn’t know how to speak to the comp people in terms they understand, and vice versa, so in the end they end up with something that doesn’t work right, etc., etc.)

<< Another year older and deeper in debt… >>

But when you study biomedical engineering, you’ll come up with all sorts of new problems.

BME is a fairly new program at my school. I love it, it’s exactly what I wanted to do. Fortunately, yet unfortunately, our program is very broad–we get bits of chemical, mechanical, and electrical engineering tossed our way, in addition to lots of pre-med requirements. Back when I was really interested in the chemical side of things, I’d go up to ChemE companies at career fairs and try to give them my resume. They’d dismiss me because “we don’t do instrumentation.” It really sucks having to sell my major before I can even get to selling myself. Hmm, maybe I should hit the corner to help pay for school. My school does a shitty job of recruiting BME companies, too.

So now I’m taking the semester off and working for one of the few BME companies that comes to my school. I’m liking it, which goes to show that despite all the difficulties, I chose the right program. Oh, and when I’m in school, I work at a computer lab–for engineers! You’d think support would be fairly easy when our customers are technically minded, but you’d be sadly mistaken.

Hey easy, nice to get your opinion on it. I want to know more about it. Honestly, what I’d love to do right now is go for BME, then master in Neuroscience. Hell, maybe even get a doctorate one day. Time is on my side. :slight_smile:


I had a job like yours once. Not really the on-call part, but the “surrounded by idiots who can’t decide what they want” part. I thought it was particularly nice since I was doing computer programming work, and I’m studying mechanical engineering. I finally got fed up with it, and started to do what the guy in office space did. I’d show up, read the paper, play online, that kind of thing. And since my boss would never actually tell me to do something (he’d suggest projects, seriously he’d start giving me an assignment by saying, "Maybe we need…) I wouldn’t do it. I just wouldn’t take him up on the suggestion. The beauty was that my bosses were so wussy they never repremanded me. A co-worker questioned me about it once, but that was as bad as it got.

As for the BME, do it. I did it (here it’s called a ‘Pre-Med Option’) it’s pretty interesting stuff, but I agree with easy it’s tough finding a job with it. And easy glad you found a job with it that you like. I hope it works out for you.

The complexity that is referenced in the initial rant is obscuring the true focus of the social conscious of a diminishing standard of ethical
and professional obligations.
To put it in a nutshell…
Office standards dictate that during the time
of war Ghandi would be a better strategist than
say ‘Adolph Hitler’…Ghandi is agreeable, and
the rest of us like him…so he must be the perfect leader. Meanwhile the people on the front lines are getting their asses kicked, chewed up and spit out by the company that chooses to invest in the Hitler type…isn’t the point of
war to win at any cost, isn’t the same held true in business? The problem with the corporate strategy is that they actually believe that likeability and boys club mentality is more important than competency.
Can you believe that a degree is worthless…
Take this quiz:
Your looking for someone to control your network, who would you hire?
a) Network certified personnel
b) College graduate with an tangent degree
c) The beer delivery guy you met at a ball game?

Think hard…
If you picked ‘C’ then you will surely succeed
in the world that the referenced corportation thrives on.
The corporation will adorn you with gifts, of
cell phones, pagers, and even a cable modem.
However, the cost is your life, your soul,
your freedom, and your time. Should something
crash and requires immediate attention, you are
expected to run in crying and praying that things
will be fixed, so that business may prosper.
And what shall you receive for this act of loyalty…bitchslapped by everyone who is held
above you. There is no grace, there is no tolerance, and most importantly, there is only
a big fucking hammer, and it’s aimed at your head.


Easily the coolest, most appropiate hammer-related statement I’ve heard all year.

um… Og smash?


Easily the best rant I’ve seen in weeks. 9.9! And the crowd goes wild…

Bonus points for mentioning the goo again.


Why yes, yes my job is like “Office Space.” And I do want to puke when I’m there. That’s because of the substance abuse, though.

My situation is more like the second half of Office Space. You know, show up only when you need to clean a fish or play Tetris. Talk on the phone or noodle on the Web. Do about two or three hours of actual work per week, which for the most part consists of managing expectations and sitting in the occasional meeting, pretending to study PowerPoint slides.

Not too fulfilling, but astonishingly stress-free. I do have goals. For example, I’ve learned to sleep while sitting up. Now I aspire to do it with my eyes open, an invaluable skill if you must attend meetings of more than 6 people or so. I hope I’m up to the challenge.

Um . . . yeah . . . did you get the memo on that?

That’d be super.


(Hell, Lundren fucked 'er.)

takes a bow Thanks Esprix. :wink:

That is truly a classic line. Great rant!