Any of you have those insanely stupid jobs that so closely resemble “Office Space” it makes you want to puke? I’m in such a place, and I wont disclose the place here, but I’m sure a lot of you can relate. Let’s begin, shall we?
PIECE OF SHIT! I’m on call 24x7, every day, every night, and have been for over a year. They call me when the website is ONE FUCKING SECOND TOO SLOW! What kind of bullshit is that? Waste hours of my day just so someone can get the damn webpage a second faster on their 56K MODEM!!! I do NOT want to live to work! But no! I don’t have the choice. Here we go, how does this work, check it out, you shall see, HOO HOO FREAKING HA HA!!!
“We don’t want you to work so much overtime. Overtime is bad for the company.”
“Don’t call me and I wont work the overtime.”
“Ummm, well, yeah, about that. We need to call you.”
“Then I get overtime.”
“But overtime isn’t good.”
What do they expect me to do, work for free? Fuck that! Then they say that people with too much overtime could be audited for suspicion of them padding their timesheets. Isn’t THAT some shit. So they FORCE me to work NINETY (90) hours of overtime last pay period, and they have the nerve to tell ME that’s not something they like? There have been may TWO (2) weeks that I’ve worked here that I didn’t make at least an hour or two of overtime. And I work fast as a race horse! What…the…hell…
Let’s speak on the subject of manager’s, shall we? Oh yes, dear dopers, we shall. Okay, wind it on up, we’re on a fucking ROLL HERE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Managers, let’s see, where shall I start. How about, “WHAT’S THE FUCKING USE OF MANAGERS!!!” They sit around all day acting busy “delegating authority.” So that means that all they have to do it get everyone else to do their work, write disapproving emails when something is bad, write congratulatory emails when something looks good…but other than that, anything? Oh yeah, I forgot! “The website’s down, we need to fix it immediately!” To which the manager says, “YEAH! Let’s have a meeting AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER THAT CAN FIX IT and talk about it!” Is that fucking idiotic or what?
Fuck it! Let’s all become little subserviant pieces of workerbee shit! Let’s tear down our consience, tear out thought, destroy creativity, say FUCK OUR LIVES, and become a tool of the corporate goo. Let’s find success not in our lives, not in our dreams, but in a tiny little cubicle earning money for others! Let’s all get STUPID!
And shit, doesn’t it look like it’s heading that way? Can’t you SEE the imagination and life seeping out of everyone you know? Ever look at the patrons of a local McDonalds? They sway in front of the menu drooling, savoring the smell of rotting meat and grease, and finally waddle up to the counter and ask the pimpled idiotic boy (or girl, wouldn’t want to be politically incorrect) behind the counter for their order…if the person behind the counter interrupts to ask what kind of drink to include WATCH THE FUCK OUT! The person ordering will do a triple take and lose their train of thought, resulting in backups, confusion, and TOTAL lack of understanding by John Q. Burgermaker and/or Jane P. Lardburgerorderer.
Ever stop and think that it’s only the complete MORONS having kids nowadays? Okay, not all of them, but most of them! Shit, you have these idiots making $5.25 an hour on single income poppin’ out babies left and right like you wouldn’t believe! POP POP POP! STOP THE BREEDING! It just seems insane that to hunt or fish, you need a license, but you can bring a child into this world with no income! I’m not saying they need licenses to have kids, but JESUS H. CHRIST, you’d think people would figure it out!
And don’t even get me started on JESUS. GOD DAMN IT, I was born alright the first time. I don’t need some whacked out person with 5000 of their own problems telling me how to live my life OR afterlife, how to be a better person, so on, so forth. So what’s this shit? The good wont be saved at rapture, only the forgiven? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! STOP STOPPING ME ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DRIVEL! I’ve probably read the Bible more times that you have! Why don’t you give it a fucking BREAK!
winds down coughs
But wait, I’ve left the subject of work! Maybe because I don’t WANT TO BE HERE?! But no, I’m sitting here racking up overtime which I’m not supposed to get because they couldn’t let me leave! So I can sit here and write rants! GOD DAMN IT, I don’t CARE about the money any more, I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!
Okay, I’m done.