I have a dead possum in my barn

What you got there was a werepossum. Very insidious lycanthropic disease peculiar to grey tree squirrels.

I have a dead possum story. I once had a friend in Seattle. Just one, mind you. Seems a possum had taken up residence in the guy’s bathroom ceiling vent duct. Worked his way into the vent hole from the outside dontchaknow. This in and of itself was not an issue. Not for my pal at least because who uses the vent anyway? I mean, long enough to stick around to see if it’s really doing anything. So here’s this possum wintering in the vent duct. Good gig, evidently, because another possum had the same idea. There ensued a violent altercation between the two critters and one was fatally bitten. The cause of death appears to have been exsanguination. Buddy-o-mine got up one morning, wandered into the bathroom and found a puddle of blood on the floor. It weren’t his and he was fresh out of wimminfolk so he was perplexed as to the source. Until he looked up and saw a drop of blood fall from the vent and right smack into the center of the puddle. After a brief investigation, a corpse was found.

I’ll probably just scoop the ex-critter up and toss him in the neighbor’s field for the vultures to feast on, since neither swampy nor another friend from GA who suggested Possum and Sweet 'Taters (although she said you should catch the meal-to-be a week before the feast and corn-feed him so he doesn’t taste gamey) seem to want him. It’s too rocky to dig graves for big possums.


Oh, even suspecting it was the 'possum, I’d be tempted to call 911 just so I could say, “There’s blood dripping from my ceiling” to the dispatcher.

No need to boast about it, son.