Ah, the woman Gray ripped off! Is she a little less cloying?
Some excerpts from “The Sensible Single Man’s Guide to Woman” which says that women want us to LISTEN (and little else apparently):
“Why don’t men listen? Just when I’m explaining something important to my boyfriend he cuts me off, and starts providing answers to my problems. I’m not asking the world here - all I’m asking is him to do is listen to me!”
“Men wonder why women turn to other women to talk about their problems. Jesus - is it any wonder? Men think they have the solution to everything.”
However, later… “A good thing to say to me is: Is there anything I can do? Don’t say things to contradict me!”
They advise lots of practising "uh huh"s and “yes” and “really dear?!?” not to forget “I see” and “go on.”
They also state that an ooposing view or suggestion that deviates from the emotional uoutburst will be perceived as Being Difficult or Being Hostile.
1932: Eddie Eagan became the only athlete to win gold in both Summer & Winter Olympics (1920 boxing gold) , Adolf Hitler was the Nazi Party candidate for the presidential elections in Germany, Charles Lindburgh’s infant son kidnapped, John Steinbeck wrote The Red Pony, the Scotch Tape dispenser was invented a year after scotch tape was.Men definitely bitch about things too…
Mark has been complaining about his job for as long as I’ve known him (5 years now). He learnt HTML nearly 2 years ago…last easter, when he was bitching about it again, I suggested that he got a temp job during his long summer holidays (he works at a boarding school) to get experience in websites and then find a job & leave. “But what about the tax?” I gave him a solution. “but what about my holidays?” - he’d be earning at tleast twice as much & as a contractor could probably take even more time off…“But I don’t like working in offices” most of the time you can work from home…He continued whinging & didn’t even try so I told him never to complain about his job again as he’s lost the right to! So far he hasn’t…
Oh & after a year of continuous hassle with his computer, he got a new one which arrived last week. He is already having problems with it. Conversation day before yesterday:
Me: “so send it back”
Him: “that’s too much hassle”
Me (incredulously): " so you’re just going to bitch about it for two years until you upgrade again"
Him: “yes”
The bad news is that if I say “yes dear” more than about 5 times in a row, he thinks that I am being patronising…I’d better learn some of those "uh-huh"s, "I see"s & "go on"s…
One of only two mortals to survive meeting Anthracite, Dark Queen of ULVAN
Drop, you idiot. You don’t have a clue. When Mrs.Z says she should quit, she means it. A truly supportive husband would do whatever is necessary to make it happen. Apparently she is unable to quit by herself. So do what you can to get her fired. Perhaps irritating serial calls to her boss. Or anonymous reports of misuse oof company property. Or those (wink wink) “home movies” could find their way into the mail.
Either that, or distract her from being upset at work by being even more of a worthless jerk than you generally are. Get her really pissed at you, and she’ll stop bitching about her work. Seems I’m so good at this I regularly do it without even trying!
Just trying to help, bro.
Regarding that Mars/Venus crap, I was overjoyed when Mrs D observed it was pretty damned insultng to women, which got me out of readng the rest of it. Course then I had to hear her bitch about THAT!
Looks like this is all pretty much figured out. It is true at least for me that sometimes I just need to vent and blow off steam. When I was married my husband drove me crazy. Every night he came home and proceeded to tell me in boring detail about his entire day. (My X is a nosey son of a bitch and a bigger gossip than any old woman I’ve ever met.) However, whenever I wanted to relate a story about my day, good or bad, I always noticed that only seconds into the story his eyes would glaze over. I cannot tell you how that used to piss me off. But I think in some ways it did have an effect on me. I never come home with stories about work anymore, to my children or my SO. I simply keep work at work. Perhaps I learned my lesson. I’m sure he did since I finally left his selfish, insensitive ass, and it appears that he is doing much better this time around with his new wife.
Needs2know
She isn’t cloying at all–and that’s a rare thing in the genre, believe me. (It’s very non-PC but in the biz we refer to it as “women who read too much” and most of us are women!)
She’s a social scientiest and backs up what she says. For a wonder, she actually writes in clear, accessible English rather than academic jargon. She genuinely illuminates rather than judging or taking sides, too. I can’t recommend her books highly enough. They’re a breath of bracing, sensible fresh air.
Didn’t have time to write much last night, but Dinsdale put his finger on the essence. Your wife is trying explain a reality behind the details. Contrary to handy’s opinion, women usually aren’t trying to one-up each other. They (we) swap stories to share experiences, “that happened to me, too”, find common issues, etc. In a way it’s just a broader net for filtering information.
I’m rambling. But good luck to both of you. Honestly, neither one of you is trying to drive the other totally nuts.
Veb
When I REALLY need to vent I tell my SO (who ALWAYS wants to “fix it”), “Honey, I don’t want you to tell me how to fix this, I just want to cry on your shoulder and wipe snot on your sleeve”. I’m sure that all Mrs. Zone wants to do, too.
I think that the reason it took me so long to figure this out was because I see somebody patting my hand and saying “Yeah, that sucks” as TOTALLY CONDESCENDING! And it doesn’t matter whether the person “means it” or is putting aside her own thoughts in an effort to be supportive.* I don’t want to hear it and assume that others think like I.
- — And I’m REAL surprised that nobody was mortally offended by my “phoneying up some sympathy” comment earlier. Apparently, I didn’t give you people enough credit to be able to figure out that I meant “putting aside my own thoughts and strong opinions in an effort to be supportive.” You always surprise me with your wisdom. I’m especially surprised at the wisdom of the youngest people on this board, but don’t tell them that. I’m having too much fun being The Epitome of Bad Parenting with them! If you can’t jerk around somebody else’s children, who CAN you jerk around?
