Mr. Fixit

The BBQ Pit
1

I have several men in my life who are wonderful, fantastic, loving, sexy, funny and great.

I am married to one of them, very close friends with others.

And putting aside all the petty, usual girl shit that i’m supposed to complain about (Toilet seat, football, strip clubs, communication)…there is one thing that I’ve noticed in a lot of men that I DON’T notice in a lot of women*.

And that is: Mr. Fixit Syndrome.

Me: Man, I have a headache.

Husband: Did you take an advil? Drink some water? I bet you’re dehydrated. Go get some water.
Men in my life, and men around the world, just a hint:

Sometimes I don’t need you to fix it, OK? Sometimes I don’t need your input on how to make the situation I am SOBBING about better. Sometimes I don’t need to know how I can lose ten pounds. Sometimes I JUST WANT TO BITCH about my headache or weight gain or work or about a television show or a friend or a news item. Sometimes all you need to say is “Yeah, that sucks” and go get a beer with me.

Here is an example:

**Me: **God! So and so drives me nuts, she does this thing with her emails where she attaches little animated .gifs to every single mail and it clogs my mail box and it’s just so stupid…they serve no purpose and most of the time, they’re not even cute.

HERE IS WHERE YOU MAY CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE:

A Man: Well, why don’t you email her and tell her to stop, or put a block on her address?

B Man: Yeah, that IS stupid. I had a guy once who put a smilie after every sentence.

HERE IS THE FINAL CHAPTER OF THE STORY:

B Man gets my lovin’, A Man gets me saying “YES, I KNOW THAT”.

It’s called a sympathetic ear. We are women, not children. I don’t need you to fix everything. I know how to fix annoying email, I know how to get rid of a headache, I know how to lose weight. I just wanted to tell you what was happening. I just wanted to commiserate, I just wanted acknowledgement that what I thought was mean/rude/wacky/wrong was indeed wrong.

When I need you to fix something, I will ask…“Can you help me out with something” or “Can I have your advice?”

Otherwise…please…just lend me your ear.

Thank you.

[sub]*note I didn’t say ALL. I am talking about a specific group with a specific behavior which puts them IN said group[/sub]

2

So then you’re bitching at men because they don’t want to see you suffer and try to help you out. Nice.

And men don’t want you to bitch about those things - they want you to be happy - so they try to offer solutions. Your response to that generousity seems to consist entirely of bitching even louder.

You’d rather bitch about a headache than take an Advil. I mean WTF is that shit?

3

Someone won’t be gettin’ jarluvin.

4

A) If you stopped hanging around with these types of men you wouldn’t have this problem anymore. Get yourself a better class of men.

B) God, that suck. I know how you feel. I also hate it when people try and fix my life. It’s like I don’t know the solution. Chances are I know what to do, I just need to vent in the meantime.

:wink:

5

The point is Neutron…I DO take advil, I DO drink water…but at the time I may still have a headache. I know how to take care of myself.

There are times when I’d just like my husband or friend to COMMISERATE

ME: I have a headache

Husband: Sorry about that…hope it goes away soon.

Do you think I’m so stupid that I don’t know to take fucking Advil? Give me a break.

6

Men fix things. Aren’t there lots of books and Oprah shows that say this? This is something new to you?

Anyway, here’s how to fix this problem…

7

I told my first husband, "sometimes you’re just supposed to say ‘poor ninetywt’ ".

He said, “that would spoil you”.
jerk.

8

I read about this “problem” in magazines and other boards, and I just don’t get it. I guess because the only tiem I bitch to my husband is when I do expect him to fix the problem.

9

Pepper, you never come home from work and say “what a shitty day?”

When I say that, mr. jar comes back with “Well, what are you going to change so that tomorrow is better? Could you speak to your boss about it?”

ALL I WANT HIM TO SAY IS: Sorry, bud. Let’s go get some dinner.

10

Wasn’t this one of the main points of the “Men are From Mars, Women are Just Plain Weird” books? That women want sympathy and men want to offer solutions?

You could always defer the helpful suggestions by saying “I have a headache and the Advil hasn’t kicked in yet.” That is, indicate that you’re in the process of solving the problem/know what to do and that you’re just complaining.

11

So have you told whoever about this? Maybe they’ll stop.

12

Have you tried Windex? I hear that cures everything.

13

Maybe you should only bitch to other women and leave the poor guys alone.

:smiley:

14

Except I like to be hugged on by boys sometimes. Mr. Jar is big and cuddly and can fix a bad day just by HUGGING, rather than a to do list. That’s my point.

15

Men aren’t built to commiserate or sympathize. If you don’t want a solution, don’t bring it up. Oh yeah, and sometimes the seat will be up.

My ex-wife never did get that. :smiley:

16

[Rosie Perez]
Billy, when I tell you that I’m thirsty, I don’t want you to get me a drink of water. I want you to sympathize with my thirstedness!
[/Rosie Perez]

17

Well if men are telling you to take Advil after you’ve already taken it, that is pretty stupid, but it wasn’t exactly spelled out in the OP. FWIW, sometimes I’ll be laying on the couch watching TV and complain about a headache. My wife will tell me to take an Advil. I’ll say “Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea” and go take one.

Sometimes someone else telling you what you already know is just the push you need to actually do it. When Dr. Phil does it, he gets millions of nodding female heads and Goddess Oprah’s loving approval. When regular men do it, they get torn a new one.

And then there are the times that people (not always women) will bitch and bitch and bitch about 10,000 different things. You can only say “Boy that sucks. I sympathize.” so many times before you start to sound like a broken record and feel like you’re doing absolutely no good. I mean obviously the sympathy isn’t working because she’s still bitching, right? So maybe I’ll try something else. But what else can I do? I know! I’ll try to help her with her problems! Uh oh. That just made it worse.

18

You have my sympathy.
I’m married to a Mr. Fixit too.
Great guy, my best friend.
He just doesn’t get that sometimes you just want some one to butch too.

19

Scenario C:

jar: Damn my job sucks…I’ve had the most stressful day ever…my boss is a cretin.

mrjar: <crestfallen> So…ummmm <shuffling feet> I guess a hummer is outta da question?

20

Ok, let’s get into a man’s mind:
Woman: I have a headache.
Man’s Mind: I must fix this or I won’t get sex EVER.
Man’s Mouth: Why not take an Advil? or better Let me get you an Advil.
Woman: Damn it, I don’t want an Advil
Man’s Mind: Duh, what the heck just happened.

How about another crack at that scenario.

**Woman:**I have a headache. I need a hug.
Man’s Mind: I must fix this or I won’t get sex EVER. I will give her a hug.
Man’s Mouth: Come here, let me give you a hug.
Woman: Ah, that hits the spot.
Man’s Mind: I’m so good!!!

Simple. If you know what you want, TELL him what you want. Whether it be a hug or just to hear you bitch, etc. Let him know so he won’t give you want you don’t want.