A very particular set of skills. I can carry on conversations with the guys on either side of me at the bar, flirt with the barmaid and still get over 14,000 points on Countdown trivia. I will find you - and bore you to death.
Dennis
Always nice to run across a fellow in the same line of business. Though my methods are slightly more… sudden.
My unique skills are slightly different.
I can join a conversation with any sized group, of any kind of people in the world – and innocently offend one of them within 5 minutes. I call it the “Click of the Claymore”, the moment I realize I’ve stepped in it, just before the inevitable explosion.
All social events are a vast minefield to me, and my best option is to stay silent and next to the wall. Any movement (conversation) at all and my foot will trigger an undetectable explosive, and be blown right back into my mouth.
Pffft. Amateur. I can do this with the first word out of my mouth. People can even get offended by the word “Hello”.
“People”?.. what’s that supposed to mean?!
That’s a nice visual :eek: Actually “Click of the Claymore” would be a great title. The only quibble is that you don’t step on a claymore, they are detonated by hand held push buttons. But it sure sounds good.
Annnddd… they’re bored. Gotta quit going into details.
Dennis
Room too loud? People congregating in cliques instead of mixing? Send me in! I can kill any conversation within moments and spread the defense.
I used to hang out at this bar in Vegas that had trivia games going all the time. I used to whip up on folks always.
One time, some lady says to me, “Who is that Damn Gatopescado?” after winning another game.
I say to her, “I dunno, but whenever I’m here, he always wins!” 
She says, “Yeah, I know! Right?”
You remind me of a joke my father was fond of telling:
David offends people with everything he says; he just can’t help it. Every time he opens his mouth, his foot goes in. One day he is invited to a party being thrown by the parents of a newborn baby. Another friend urges David, “Just keep your mouth shut - don’t you say a single word - then you’re guaranteed to stay out of trouble.”
Well, lo and behold, David does just that. He keeps tight-lipped all the way through the party, and all is well. But as the party is ending and everyone traditionally has to well-wish the new parents as they exit the door, David comments to the parents on his way out: “I’ve kept my mouth shut all night long. So if something happens to the baby and it dies, it’s not my fault!”
I am Eeyore in human form. I can spot the shadow in any ray of light, the ulterior motive in any act of grace, the flaw in any gem. It is this vision that keeps me going, day after day. For I see no point even in dying–it’s just another set of unknowns kerneled with one known–it will not be pleasant. I am never disappointed, because I never have hopes to dash.
^ Plus, your tail comes off!
(Can you do the voice?)
As a matter of fact I can, if by “do” you mean “is that my normal conversational tone?” I’m a real hoot in the sack. “Yeah, you like that don’t you. It figures.” etc. 
My “first date” material includes expounding on the difference between a gargoyle and a grotesque. That’s right OP : I challenge you to a bore-off.
You know you’re in trouble when folks you’ve barely met end up saying “wow, you should really go on Jeopardy!”…but they are saying with exact same tone as “well bless your heart.”
Not that this has ever happened to me 
I do this too. Somewhere in the middle of explaining the awesome way I used a shift-left instruction on a short int unioned with a char so I could bury the frequency of positive signals inside the array index, because as everyone knows, with a 50 Hz frame rate you can…
Wait! Come back! I haven’t got to the good part yet!
“The only winning move is not to play” comes to mind. Voted No.
What if it was one of those countdowns (like after a windows update) and pushing the button just hastens it.
NOPE!
And then when you stand there, they add “I meant you should leave and go on it right now.”
A while back I wanted to reclaim the long-lost joy of making things that I felt when I was a young machinist in another lifetime.
So, I set up a full home machine shop and I make little steam engines…thereby guaranteeing glazed eyes at any discussion that goes into the slightest detail. Don’t even think about coming over for dinner, you will endure discussions about DROs, lathes, and Stephenson Reversing Gear on a little steam engine.
Nobody I know cares about the minutia of machining, though they do acknowledge that the steam engines themselves are kind of neat.
My go-to boredom topic would be board games. I enjoy them. I have a social circle of fellow board gamers who enjoy them. But I remind myself that people aren’t going to be interested in my hobby unless it’s also their hobby.
I have go to brag about the Starrett Webber chromium carbide gage block set I got at an estate auction literally right around the corner from my house. Yep, the vaunted Starrett Croblox set! And not just any old Croblox set, the special order 92 piece set in 2 micron accuracy! Instead of the usual top of the line 81 piece set. The extra pieces are in 25 millionths of an inch increments (one quarter of a ten thousandth), plus a set to convert directly to fractional inches with a single block, i.e. 0.0625", 0.03125", etc. Here is an 81 piece set, although my case is much nicer:
https://www.travers.com/webber-precision-gage-block-set/p/57-046-015/
Its an $8000 set of glistening silver ingots nestled in velvet lined walnut. I paid $35 for it. I live about 20 minutes from Webber Gage and was tempted to show it off. It’s the centerpiece of my machinist tool collection although I don’t really have a need for one. I set up my home machine shop as I was approaching retirement. Let’s have lunch.
Dennis