Fucking little red bastards. I’m gonna get medievel on your ass with a blow torch and a pair of pliers. Who the fuck invited you and your army of minions into my back yard? @#!!**!
thank you i feel much better now.
Wait - are they in your pants or your backyard?
I’m guessing her pants are out in the yard. For some reason…
The bloworch I get. However, I had no idea ants could be plier’d.
I almost had ants in my pants today - I was weed-whipping in the back yard, and whipped a couple of anthills. I realized a couple of seconds later that my foot was kind of IN one of them. :eek: I did the stompy-shaky dance right pronto after that. We’ve been fighting against the little anty bastards taking over our yard for five years now - they’re winning.
I’m thinking napalm. Can I call in an airstrke?
Ever play SimAnt? The game became incredibly easy to beat once you defeated the red ants in the first square and could expand at whim.
Heck, out here we can get fire ants. I’ve heard they can actually be quite helpful when it comes to aerating lawns.
If you have fire ants, then this is totally justifiable.
You just need to call in a couple of pipe-carrying ant eaters.
I liked that game, but it got way too easy when I figured out the easiest way to destroy the red colonies: send a lone scout, sneak him into the red nest without making anyone angry, and dig one long tunnel straight down, as deep as possible. Because there’s now loads of total nest space, they won’t dig any more side tunnels, and the queen will travel deep into the ground. And when it rains or the lawn gets watered, she’ll drown. Instant victory.
I’ve never tried Terro’s fire ant products, but if they’re as good as their regular ant baits, they should knock out the problem in a few days.
But…but… ants aren’t likely to drown. Can’t they hold their breath for like three days or something?
One thing that has worked well for me has been hot pepper drenches - boil a big pot of water with hot peppers cut up in it, and pour it on the anthill. Apparently the hot pepper does something bad to them. (I haven’t got around to hot pepper drenching anyone this year - I should get on that. I think they’re about to take over my yard.)
They’re also quite helpful with getting rid of other pests. Unfortunately, they have a tendency to get rid of non-pests as well.
You just have to get really small pliers. They come in the set with the really small rack, the really small iron maiden, and the really small pendulum that I use to get the other fire ants to tell me where the queen is. Eventually they talk. Oh yes, eventually they all talk.
After that it is a careful application of chemical warfare, turning the earth with the shovel, more chemical warfare, more shovel turning, then burning the ground, hiring a voodoo priestess to curse the ashes, pissing on the ashes then salting the earth.
But you have to be sure to keep the voodoo priestess’s number handy because there will be a new mound 5 feet away two days later.
To get in the mood for doing battle with ants, I highly recommend seeing the classic 1954 movie starring Charlton Heston and Eleanor Parker, The Naked Jungle, in which he fights off “a 2-mile-wide, 20-mile-long column of army ants”.
Movie tagline according to IMDB: “He feared only two things on earth…the MARABUNTA…Nature’s deadliest force, and his fiery New Orleans bride!”
You need to activate your Emergency Pants.
It’s the only way to be sure.
[but do you fell the] need to dance?
Sorry! Really!
Ants like that are scary. Are they fire ants? If they are, can you find a fire ant specialist to get rid of them?
My one and only enounter with fire ants was when I was working down in Sebring, Florida for six weeks about four years ago. I was crawling around on the ground and crawled right into a nest of them. I didn’t notice at first, but my coworker did, and started swatting them off of me. Those things move really fast! Luckily I was wearing jeans and sneakers and socks and he and I managed to get them off of me before they bit me.
I mean, seriously, I have never seen ants move that fast. My coworker had lived in Miami for two years and knew all about them and all of the other nasty critters that live down there, you know, like poisonous snakes and scorpions that come up the wall and through the window and right into your house. :eek:
For the rest of my stay, he and the other guy we were working with took every opportunity to tell me all kinds of horror stories about scorpions in your shoes and Palmetto bugs flying into your mouth and snakes in the bathtub. Of course, none of that happened, thank God. It’s a good thing I have a sense of humor (well, depending on who you ask).
Anyhow, I hope you can get rid of your ants. I’m assuming they are not really in your pants. That would be even worse than bad.