I have become my wife's zookeeper - 3.5 cats, 1 dog, 1 rabbit

PART 1: WEAK RANT

When we got married, she had 2 older cats. Fine.

Over my expressed distaste, she got a rabbit. Fine.

We got a house and shortly thereafter, a new puppy. Sigh. Fine.

Then she half-adopted a local stray cat in the neighborhood that comes to our front door almost daily, seeking food (that we buy with our hard earned dollars).

Then, she came across two stray kitten littermates and brought them in for adoption only to find out the shelters are all full due to the housing crisis, so we would have to foster them. Christ already!

Then, it turns out we had to put one of them down because it had a fatal disease. ($400 - cough!)

Then, she argued, we have an ethical obligation to disclose the littermate’s death due to fatal disease, and then nobody will want this little guy, especially when the shelters are overcrowded as it is. Therefore, let’s just keep him. At that point, my choices are to (1) waste time trying to place a kitten nobody will want; (2) set it loose to fend for itself; or (3) secretly kill one or more of the other animals in this zoo. :mad:

Anyway, the tally is now 3.5 cats, 1 dog, and 1 rabbit.

Notably, I work for myself in my home office while my wife commutes to her job. So guess who gets to do all the zookeeping?

One of my household jobs is taking out the trash. The kitty litter is not already in the trash, so guess who gets to change out the litter boxes?

Since I am home all day, guess who notices when their bowls are empty and fills them?

Guess who also gets roped into feeding the half-pet outside “as a favor” and “while I’m at it?”

I also walk the dog more than she does.

Meanwhile, she just plays with the animals at times in the evening, goes on most of the dog walks, and goes to bed, then complains that I don’t help with the laundry enough.

I am screwed here? The zoo wasn’t my choice, but I am the zookeeper. In rebuttal, she would probably say she didn’t soil my clothes, but she washes them anyway.

Thankfully, I have ZERO obligations to the rabbit and I refuse to deal with it except an very rare water re-fill. My wife does that part.

PART 2: PRACTICAL QUESTIONS

What is the best way to arrange litter boxes for 3 fucking cats? And I mean 3 fucking cats, not 3 fucking cats. One huge box? 3 smaller boxes?

As it is now, we have one bigger box in the garage for the 2 older cats and 1 smaller indoor box for the kitten, who is stinking up the house. Also, the dog is feasting on little kitty snacks from the litter box. However, now that the kitty is a bit bigger, it’s time he started stinking up the garage with the other 2 beasts instead.

How often should litter boxes get scooped and changed out anyway? I have a feeling we are underperforming in that department.

Maybe with 3 fucking cats, it’s time for an automated box? Suggestions?

PART 3: POST SCRIPT

I love animals, just not so many of them that they disturb my work and enjoyment of my home.

Can you convince the dog to eat the cats?

I feel for you. When I proposed, my wife had 4 cats, 1 was quite old. The old one died, and a week before our wedding, she passed group from a local shelter who were adopting out kittens, so we were back up to 4. Not so bad, they mostly kept to themselves, and we moved to a sizable house where they would have room to roam.

This past year, my wife (who was home being pregnant) noticed a lot of feral cats in our neighborhood, so we are now managing this colony of cats, feeding them and making sure they’re all neutered. One of those cats was rather tame (really an abandoned pet, not a feral) and got sick, so we captured the cat, got her fixed up, and intend to adopt her out, she’s now living on our porch because she has FLV, which is dangerous to other cats. [advertisement]Gorgeous long haired orange cat, slightly skittish when you first approach her, but will curl up in your arms if you sit with her for 5 minutes. [/ad]

Then some douchebag decided to abandon 4 cats in the park across the street from my house. They come to our yard, meowing pathetically, and clearly aren’t going to survive long if left to their own devices. They’re now all living in my basement, waiting for me to find someone to take them in. [advertisement] Lovely pets, if anyone in the NYC area wants a cat or two, they’re short haired orange, very friendly, attractive, and easy to get along with [/ad]

So, I’m up to 9 cats, in 3 separate areas of the house.

For litterboxes, we use a small amount of litter, maybe an inch deep and change it pretty much every day.

This is perhaps not the most useful piece of advice of all-time, but what the hell – we’re in the Pit:

I recommend getting an allergy to all furry mammals. We have a two-cat limit here because that’s all my lungs can handle. :slight_smile:

Other than that, I suspect you’ll just have to man up and say “no more critters!”

And to the litter box question, I’d say you need a couple square feet per cat, but that the distribution isn’t all that important. You need to clean 'em at least weekly, but probably more like every other day with that many animals.

Not good. I want a third cat, Mr. Neville doesn’t. I wouldn’t dream of going out and getting one without getting him on board with it first.

Why does the person who takes out the trash have to change the litter boxes?

Why can’t she do this in the morning before she goes to work, or in the evening?

Would you be willing to do more with the laundry if she took on more of the pet care? If so, you really need to discuss this with her.

I have two automated boxes.

The LitterMaid does a decent job, but it’s a bit noisy (you get used to the noise, though) and does have more of a tendency to break down than I’d like.

I love the Omega Paw Roll n Clean. But when it was our only litter box (for two cats), we had some problems with one of them peeing outside the box, which stopped when we got a new Litter Maid as well. Some cats don’t like small covered litter boxes.

No way, no how would I ever go back to a non-automated box.

If the cats are fucking, I do hope you’ve gotten them all spayed or neutered. It sounds like you don’t need more cats in your house, and we certainly don’t need more in shelters.

You think so now

Hopefully you can convince your wife to be steadfast on the stray beast issue. Mrs. J. was kind to a stray kitten which we wound up providing foster care for, getting it seen by the vet and ultimately adopted by my brother. Now she has declared that any other cat that shows up at our place will get the hose. I personally have my doubts about whether she’ll stick to this resolution, but the spirit is laudable.

I think the problem here is that the little bastards keep emptying the bowls after you fill them. I’ve noticed this tendency with our dog. You can fill up the water bowl but before you know it, she’s slurped the damn thing dry. Seems kind of futile after awhile.

I hope you don’t mind if I add my own mini-Pitting.

My girlfriend and I just bought our first house. Now she wants a dog. I am allergic to dogs. All dogs, even the “hypoallergenic” ones.

“Honey, can’t you just take a pill?”
“So you can get a dog?”
“Yes!”
“No.”
“This is so unfair!”
“No, it isn’t. You knew I was allergic to dogs before we started dating. You knew I was allergic to dogs when you agreed to share an apartment. You knew I was allergic to dogs when we signed the closing paperwork on the house.”
“I want a dog!”

That’s a great question. What happened is that somewhere along the way, she just stopped doing it. Two weeks of cat crap built up. I quietly volunteered to do it on trash day for the sake of the cats’ health.

Another two weeks went by. Same thing.

Then, I resigned myself to litter box duty every trash day.

Since I work at home anyway, perhaps I will suggest doing more laundry duty instead of cat crap duty. At least that way, I known I’ll be taking on something I expect to do instead of cleaning up after the fact she unilaterally decided to create a zoo around here. Maybe that was her long term secret strategy after all.

Fuck that shit.

It sounds to me like you are married to a spouse who is becoming a horder. Your options are limited.

  • Put your foot down, hard (preferably on a kitten :slight_smile: ).

  • Divorce (if putting your foot down doesn’t work).

  • Excercise childish behavior by hording things that you know she hates (petrified animal turds made into interesting shapes–may not be a problem for her).

  • Get ready for more additions to your zoo.

She wanted a rabbit. I preferred she did not. Her desire was about a 9/10. My objection was about a 3/10.

9 > 3

The agreement was if we get a rabbit, I will do no work in connection with it. That bargain has held up, for the most part.

When the two stray kittens came in, she wanted to keep them both. I told her, “No new animals unless we get rid of old animals.” Then, the one kitty died, leaving the other. Now what? We can’t kill it, dump it, or put it out for adoption. We’re stuck with it, much to my wife’s joy and my displeasure.

I suppose I could push for dumping one animal in favor of the new kitty. When I pushed her about this before, she offered to get rid of the rabbit. However, the rabbit is the least intrusive and lowest care animal around, especially for me in light of my “no rabbit work” pact. I hardly even notice or remember we have a rabbit most of the time because we don’t even keep it in the house.

Oh, and when I voiced my concern over too many animals, she reminded me that the older cats are about 9 years old and will probably die in a few years anyway. I guess I just have to wait for attrition.

You might be waiting a long time. My last cat lived to be 22.

Good luck!

Riiiiiight. I’ve had two cats, one lived into the mid-teens, the other to nearly 20.

The rule of thumb is number of cats + 1 = number of litter boxes. You should change them everyday, certainly the fewer boxes the more often you should change them. Plus I recommend this, LitterLocker. We have four, we keep one by each litter box.

By changing a litter box, does that mean poop scooping or dumping all litter and replacing litter?

I’m working from home too, and this is quite do-able. The thing is to remember to check the machines when you get up from your desk for something else.

For example, I’ll put clothes in the washer when I get my first coffee. Later when I get about the 4th cup they’re ready to go into the dryer. Later still I’ll take them out of the dryer and fold them while on lunch break.

I know I didn’t have it as badly as you do, but I suffered through living with my husband’s dog in the house for a few years, even though he’d promised to put up screen on the back porch so the dog could stay out there. It really sucks. I hope you guys work out a solution equitable to both of ya.

What the fuck? How did you let yourself get into this situation? If I was you, I would have raised holy hell way before this. I’m sorry, but pets are not analogous to doing laundry. Laundry is a daily chore which can be an inconvenience; pets are a part of your life. You don’t sound like you have bonded at all with these animals, which is fine. They are your wife’s pets. The fucked up part is where she makes you do the fair share of caring for them, and then, when you object, ropes you into doing it anyway.

If they are your wife’s pets, and she can’t take care of them, then she shouldn’t have pets. Note how doing the occassional favor is quite different than being the main caretaker. Geez, I agree with Euthanasia, fuck that shit. You sound like a nice husband. What I mean by that is you want your wife to be happy so you want to allow her to get her way, but seriously this situation is all sorts of bad. At the least you’re being a doormat and at worst you’re enabling a potential hoarder.

Now that things have gotten so far, the path of least resistance is like you said, exchange laundry for pet duties. Whatever you do though, no more unwanted pets! It doesn’t matter whose desire outweighs another… Marriage is not a math equation. Maybe my whole opinion is just me personally being crazy, but pets are a team issue. It’s either both people want it or it’s a no-go.

Time to look up some cat recipes.

You can tell your wife from me that this isn’t fair. She wants pets, she looks after pets - end of story. That said, I’m not sure how you get out of pet duty - it’s hard to ignore a hungry pet or a stinky litter box. I think this has to be one of those cases where you just don’t do what she should be doing (after discussing with her that you don’t want to do most of the pet work for pets you don’t want).

Good luck at any event. :slight_smile:

Aw, y’all are making me feel guilty.

Pullet
ropes her husband into weekday care for 3 cats, 2 turtles, 2 ferrets, and 5 chickens while she fritters away at school