There will be a lot of disturbing content in this thread…I’ve just had a really anxious day, and I have to be 100% honest about these things. Also, if there’s any real pedophiles here, I’d appreciate your comments, and I’d appreciate if everyone is serious.
I’m 18 years old, and for the past three years, I’ve been suffering from POCD. So I’m really worried about being a pedophile. But honestly, ever since I was like 14, I found kids to be annoying, whiny, and I just didn’t like them. I like hanging out with people my age.
When I was 15, there were a few brief moments where I was aroused by kids, mostly young anime characters…although they were cartoons, they were obviously very young. Also, I got aroused by one 10 year old in Criminal Minds. But, otherwise, my fantasies at the time were about grown women.
I also am ashamed to say that I have sadistic fantasies, including rape fantasies…a few months ago, I had rape fantasies of one 14 year old anime girl, Mikoto Misaka. Honestly, I didn’t want them, and I felt really guilty, but they were arousing.
Nowadays, I stay as far away from kids as possible. All of my doctors that I’ve seen think it’s OCD. They’re not even disgusted by my sadistic/rape fantasies. What do real pedophiles think of my thoughts? Do I sound like a pedophile?
I’m pretty sure every human being has had at least one fantasy that they would never want to act out. Maybe not even in a pretend role-playing scenario.
Pedophiles are often defined as fantasies about children at least five years younger, so an 18 year-old fantasizing about 14 and 15 fantasizing about 10 probably doesn’t meet the definition. Fantasizing about 14 year-olds probably falls under ephebophilia anyway.
Go back to your doctors and ask them this question. They’ll be in a much better position to help you. Probably, you need to spend less time worrying about labels and more time understanding your real motivations. You certainly won’t get real help on a message board.
As I understand it, POCD (assuming it’s a real thing), refers to people with OCD who fear they are pedophiles, not to pedophiles with OCD.
Whether you’re a pedophile or a person whose OCD takes this form, a mental health professional, not a chat board, is in order. Please find help for yourself.
Presuming this isn’t a troll for a second, I have actually heard via a TV documentary that quite a few OCD sufferers have disturbing thoughts about themselves secretly being a murderer/rapist/pedophile. Almost always its because they have had some sort of fantasy about it and become terrified that they will act on it, or that they think the fantasy itself makes them a terrible person. Practically never do they actually commit the crime they are worried about. It’s just a form mental illness takes where the sufferer becomes convinced that a fleeting fantasy that most people wouldn’t think twice about is something genuinely harmful.
For those of us who are trying to keep up, are we talking about obsessive-compulsive disorder or something else that has the abbreviation OCD? Because I, for one, had never heard that there was any connection, real or imagined, between pedophilia and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Maybe, but don’t discount the fact that murderers, rapists, and child molesters often fantasize about these crimes before doing them. Without a crystal ball, identifying who will actually do it is non-trivial, both for the person themselves and the rest of us.
A lot of weird, confusing, embarrassing semi-obsessive thoughts that run through young men’s minds tend to evaporate entirely and not return when they get a (age appropriate) girlfriend and start having sex regularly.
I would suggest making a concerted effort to date girls your age and for God’s sake keep your yap shut tight about these OCD type thoughts when doing so. These are not “sharing makes it better” material.
If you are still haunted by these impulses after a relationship or two then you might have serious problems, at this point it’s way too early to make any assumptions. Get your sexual identity centered and chances are very high all these oppressive thoughts will go away.
POCD is actually really really common; it’s Pedophile OCD, and it makes people with OCD think they’re pedos. There’s all sorts of posts about this on OCD and mental health forums.
All 7 of my past and present therapist have told me that I’m not a danger, and that if I were, they would tell me explicitly. I guess I should start trusting them.
Now that my mind is a bit more clear, yes, I regret posting this, since it’s not appropriate at all. Maybe an admin could lock this.
We often don’t grant requests to close threads. Sometimes the discussion does not go the way you intend and that is not against the rules. In this case it seems like some good advice was given and you are taking it. No need to keep it open. Thread closed at OP’s request.