I have the house to myself

Technically, also my brother and dog. But only the dog counts. :wink:

My mum’s just left on a trip to Calgary. The house is empty until Sunday night. We have $80 for groceries.

I ask you, Dopers: what to do first?

Turn up your favourite music loud enough to fill the room but not deafen you, lie on the couch, turn off all the lights, and lose yourself.

Or laser tag.

Clean the place top to bottom as a nice surprise for your mom when she returns.

Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do last?

Kick your brother out, lock the dog in the basement, hire two Japanese hookers and a midget, and borrow your neighbours’ rototiller. Break out the amphetamines and let the good times roll, oh yeaaaah!

Three words: hookers and beer.

I say that one of the simple joys of living by yourself is walking around naked. You don’t have to worry about your wang bumping into counters and scaring the dog or anything, so that’s safe.

Go to the grocery store, buy all the ingredients to make your very favourite dinner, come home, put them away, light lots of candles, pour a bath, today’s nice, open the windows just a little bit for fresh air, get out of bath, pour a glass of wine / drink / beer whatever you prefer, lay on couch, enjoy your favorite music or silence, if your prefer.

Then, later, make your very favourite dinner, then go for a walk in the neighbourhood. In the evening, have a cup of tea, enjoy the silence and/or favorite music.

There you have it. the perfect day.

With Class IV (industrial/weapons grade) lasers.

I second the “walk around naked” suggestion.

Totally the best part of living alone.

Does this mean that we’re having a Toronto Dopefest at Kytheria’s house this weekend?

Throw a party. Easily twice a summer for the last 3 summers my parents have left town and I’ve thrown huge parties. The key is to remember where all the fragile stuff you moved went, and clean the place top to bottom afterwards. Parents come home… aww the house is clean! Plus the fact that you cleaned means that anything that’s sort of out of place is just a result of you moving stuff around to clean. Just make sure nothing major or sentimental ends up in a bizarre place. One time I even took pictures before I started moving stuff around.

Bumping into counters? Sheesh, when I’m clothed I’m lucky if my wang bumps into my underwear…er…I mean… When I wake up, I have to be careful lest my wang open the front door…

…of the house across the street!


Ask Diggleblop if you can borrow some of his extra equipment. :stuck_out_tongue:

Masturbate in the kitchen. Just because you can.

You must wear sunglasses, briefs, socks and a dress shirt. Crank up the Bob Seager, slide in you shock feet, and boogie!

Then you order up the hookers and crash Dad’s car into a pond.

I know it’s easy to be wrong about names (cf Malcandra), but isn’t the OP female? And I’d say having a sibling present counts as “not alone” for the purposes of walking around the house naked.

Lay back on the couch and lose yourself in a good book.

With your feet on the couch! :eek: :eek: :eek:

If you make sure your feet are clean first, no one will ever know.

  1. Get a keg.
  2. Set alarm clock to Sunday morning.
  3. Start drinking.
    alarm goes off
  4. Wake up from black out.
  5. Clean house.

for bonus points, drink the keg just between you, your brother, and the dog.