I imagine that there is a possibility that “power issues” may be something that appeals to this guy, as well as the girl in question. A domination/submission situation can be just the thing that attracts some people, and while it seems like it could be a recipe for disaster, I think that is their decision to make since they are both adults.
Or it could be nothing of the sort. I think it’s not worth getting creeped out by unless you have any evidence that the potential power issues are causing her (or any of his past g.f.s) harm.
Just to throw a fly in the ointment regarding (possibly) why he’s dating former students:
Maybe he’s somewhat shy, socially less than comfortable, not the most visually riveting presence in the nightclub, etc. Perhaps just going out and meeting people isn’t easy for him, and his students are perhaps the majority of people he ever gets a real chance to know to any significant extent. Since he’s teaching them over the course of a semester/year rather than just trying to pick them up in a bar, he’s got time to get comfortable enough around them for prosaic reasons so that asking them out is easier than getting a date from the general population.
Post finals, I can’t imagine why there would be an ethical dillemma.
I mean, maybe it’s pathetic that you don’t get out enough to meet girls out of the classroom, but other than that, I can’t think of one logical reason why it should be even the slightest bit unethical.
Sometimes unusual things unsettle us, and we grasp at whatever we can to justify this.
Just for the record, Astrogirl was a student in the first class I ever taught in Korea… we’re doing fine! (although it was a somewhat different situation… it wasn’t a university, it was a private school. I had student both much younger AND much older than me…)
Still, she usually asks me to grade her after sex… I always give her a B+ (can’t let her get too, um, cocky!).
I’m in the same situation as Astroby14. The future Mrs. Sublight (we’re tying the knot this June) was one of my students. Granted, I don’t see much that can be called unethical in this case. It was an ungraded class, she was the only student, she’s older than me, and she was paying me to come to her house for lessons (I guess she figured sleeping with me was the cheaper option).
I had always thought that my eventual error would be to post a Great Deabte that would turn into a BBQ, not vice versa. This is actually - gasp - an interesting discussion.
I’m with you, Cargogal! Where the fuck is this place where women possess all the power in a relationship? Must be in the Land of the Bassackward on the Planet of HellJustFrozeOver. Ya know, right next door to Elvis, Kurt, and, Tupac’s house where they all live together in peace, love, and harmony singing Barry Manilow all day.
Thank goodness someone else feels the same way, shrew! I mean, for crying in the fucking night, I sometimes feel like everyone else is living in a world where they get flowers and candy, sex as often as they want, guys to pay for their dinners…
I mean, I’m not Cindy Crawford, but I’m hardly ugly as sin.
I want in!! Where are the guys who do nice shit for women???
Well, I don’t want to turn this into a male bashing thread. (Actually I’d love to, but I respect too many of the men on this board to do that.) I will state the facts as I see them:
I have never received flowers. Some of my Special Education kids bought me a plant last semester, but I hardly think that counts.
I have only received candy from one boy, and I do mean boy. He’s 14, and I’m his teacher. It was VERY sweet. I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day.
Sex as often as I want? Pshaaaa.
Men paying for my dinners? Hell naw.
I am, by the accounts of everyone I know, lovely. I hold a masters degree in English Education, a respectable job I love, and I’m absolutely charming, goddamnit.
The only power I wield in my relationships with males is the power I am given by my position as their teacher. For this reason, I find the idea of a teacher dating a student, no matter the age, to be a bastardization of a truly sacred relationship. Teaching is a noble profession and should be treated as such. Students are not sexual fodder to be groped at a post final exam party. If there is any dignity left in the world, I must believe this to be true.
Power in romantic circles? None, zilch, whatsoever. The only women I know who wield romantic power are the uberbitches that make men’s lives hell and subsequently make the rest of us look bad.