I have two legs.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have two legs. See? One, two. They work too, both of them. I also have arms, a left one and a right one. And at the end of my arms, you will notice ingenious devices called “hands”. Quite clever, aren’t they?

By using these arms and hands in conjuction with one another, I can hold things for extended periods. And by operating my legs while holding things, I can carry those things…groceries, for example…from place to place.

Now, while my ability to carry things is limited, both by the amount carried and the distance, I can assure you, neighbour, that I am quite capable of carrying three bags of groceries from the bus stop back to my front door. So your offer to give me a lift in your car over the remaining 100 feet to my front door is not necessary. Oddly generous, especially since we’ve never met before ever, but unnecessary.

You should meet my other neighbour. She’s quite friendly too, and just as oddly concerned by the sight of me carrying groceries. Just two weeks ago, we were having a conversation…only the second conversation we’ve ever had, as it happens…and she said that she and her husband often saw me carrying groceries back to the apartment on foot, and would my wife and I like to borrow their car? That’s right, she offered to lend her car to someone she’s only spoken to twice in her life, just so that person wouldn’t have to carry groceries around! I was so surprised I had to look down at myself just to verify that I was still a healthy 28-year-old man and not, for example, a 75-year-old war veteran with no legs and no sense of direction.

Why yes, the people here are very friendly, aren’t they? I’m sure you’ll fit right in.

But no, I don’t need help with the groceries. But thank you for asking.

2

OH MY GOD! I HAVE TWO LEGS, TWO ARMS, AND TWO HANDS TOO!!! And all this time I thought I was the ONLY one! What a RELIEF!

But wow…that lady was nice…they’re going to get their vehicular transportation module stolen that way, and right quick too.

3

Well Math Geek,

It sounds like you are very fortunate to live in such a neighbourly place. Although I wish more of your neighbors valued their air, natural resources etc, and would walk with you to the store.

4

“I’ve got two legs from my hips to the ground
And when I move 'em I walk around
And when I life 'em I climb the stairs
And when I shave 'em they ain’t got hairs…”

  • M. Python

Esprix

5

Funny 'cos according to statistics, we all have 1.9 legs.

6

Did I miss something or is the OP pissed about having friendship extended towards him?

7

He seems more confused and amused by the lack of any necessity for those specific instances of friendliness than pissed. After all, this is MPSIMS, not the Pit.

8

You’ve got two legs, eh? Can you prove this? I’m looking for a counterexample…

9

Good god, man! Where’s your sense of patriotism? Don’t you know that it’s your duty to consume, particularly fossil fuels. By your selfish act of carrying groceries when you could at least borrow a car to accomplish the task, you have shirked your responsibility to consume gasoline, thus depriving the guy at the convenience store, the trucker who hauls the gas to the station, the refinery worker, the merchant marine aboard the oil tanker and the roughneck at the oil well.

The fact that you haven’t purchased a large SUV by now brings your patriotism into question. (Although by your suspect spelling of “neighbour,” I think we can assume you’re some foreigner Canadian or other second-class citizen.)

Whether or not you are a citizen of These United States, you had better start shaping up, bucko. Go out right now and buy a gallon of gas, pour it onto the street and light it. And then the next time someone gives you the chance to drive a combustion engine-powered vehicle, you take it, friend. And drive it around the block a few times for good measure.

Don’t let me catch you not consuming again. Or we’ll send your ass to Afghanistan where you can do all the walking you want.

10

Maybe this was intended for the pit? Math geek but not English geek, perhaps. That said, Pete & Cheryl have nice photos. :wink: Perhaps Pete should look more like the Unabomber and there may not be so many friendly offers.

11

No, this was intended for MPSIMS. waterj2 called it; I wasn’t pissed by the offers (why would I be?), just amused and vaguely startled.

Oh, and JonScribe? It may just be because it’s late, but the mental image of me running out into the street and starting a gasoline fire, presumably while shouting “Take that, Osama!”, was pretty damn funny…