…pedestrians and public transport riders in the United States.[sup]1[/sup]
Seriously, i’ve just arrived home after a trip to Boston, and i don’t know what the fuck is up with the citizens of that fair city. When going from place to place and not driving a car,[sup]2[/sup] they must be the biggest group of fucking dimwits i’ve encountered in a long time.
Let’s take the pedestrians first.
Do you morons have any idea what a red hand signal on the crosswalk lights means? Let me give you a hint: it doesn’t mean “Step out into the road so that the traffic (which has a green light) needs to slam on the brakes to avoid mowing you down.” Furthermore, when said traffic does, in fact, manage to screech to a halt just in time to avoid flattening your worthless self, the appropriate response is to step back onto the sidewalk looking apologetic and chastened. The correct response is not to proceed across the road in front of the cars as if you actually had the right of way, inducing your fellow dim-witted, slack-jawed Bostonians to follow suit and completely making a mockery of the very expensive traffic light system installed by the city.
Seriously, what the fuck is up with these people? On literally dozens of occasions during my stay, i saw large groups of pedestrians just step straight out in front of traffic under the assumption (usually correct, unfortunately) that the cars would stop. Sometimes, a group of cars would literally have to wait for a whole cycle of the light—while they had the green—because the sea of pedestrians was never-ending and completely oblivious to the rules of the road. I almost found myself wishing that someone would mow down a jaywalker, just to show the rest of the bleating herd that they need to respect the two ton hunks of metal careening around the city.
Note that i am not anti-pedestrian or anti-jaywalking. I don’t own a car, and if some asshole driver tries to push through a crosswalk when i have the right of way, i’ll make my anger known. I’m an ardent believer in the right of pedestrians to their share of the road, and i’m also a frequent jaywalker.
But fuck, people, there’s a way to do these things. If you are at a large intersection and you don’t have the walk sign, at least look to see if there’s any traffic coming before you step onto the road. Don’t just march out there and force cars to slam on their brakes. And don’t think that wandering across the road in large gaggles absolves you from following basic rules of courtesy and road etiquette. Hell, if only for the sake of self-preservation, try to walk when the cars aren’t coming. Not only is following the signs (or jaywalking only when there are no cars coming) likely to preserve your useless hide, it also makes traffic flow more smoothly and thus makes everyone’s life easier.
Now to the riders of public transit, especially the “T”.
MOVE INSIDE THE FUCKING CAR!!!
How many times does the poor fucking train driver have to ask you—nay, plead with you—to shift your lazy, self-centered ass towards the back of the car in order to let more passengers on? I know that you are the most important person in the universe, and you shouldn’t have to put yourself out for anyone, but ferchissakes would it kill you to take a dozen steps towards the back of the train so that those fifty people on the platform might stand a chance of boarding sometime before the end of the rush hour?
Almost every time i rode the T, i had to elbow my way through these assholes, packed in like sardines, only to find that there was acres of room at the back of the car. At first i was polite about trying to make my way through the crowd, but once i realized what selfish fuckwads these people were, i just barged through. I’m not sure whether the defect that requires these people to stand as close as possible to the front of the car is congenital, or whether it’s something in the air up there in the Bay State, but i sure wish they’d fucking get over it already. They don’t seem to realize that if they moved inside, the entering passengers could board more quickly, and the train would be on its way in a timely fashion.
Now, while in Boston i was staying in an area known as Allston, which is where Boston University is located. When i first noticed these two above-described manifestations of Boston idiocy, it was in the area around the university, so i initially chalked the phenomenon up to college-student morons. It is, after all, a fundamental law of the universe that college students have the God-given right to cross a road whenever they happen to arrive at the kerb, and traffic be damned. But my initial thought that this was purely a college student affliction was soon dispelled by the large crowds of Boston workers who exhibited exactly the same selfish obstinacy at the beginning and end of each working day.
So, Boston, learn to fucking walk, and learn how to use your own public transportation system. This is one area where Bostonians truly could take some lessons from New Yorkers.
Other than that, i love the city.
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Feel free to nominate another city if you see fit. Unfortunately, i haven’t been to every city in North America.
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Not having spent any time behind the wheel of a car, i have no real comment on Boston drivers. For the most part, they seemed pretty patient and considerate with the douchebag pedestrians.