The People I Slapped Today

You see that little light across the street portraying a white man? That’s not some secret Ku Klux Klan recruiting symbol. It’s a traffic light that means “Now is a good time to walk across this intersection.”

And you’ll notice that every so often it changes to a blinking orange hand. That’s yet another pictogram meaning “Better move quickly now.”

And when that orange hand goes solid? That’s right, it means “Stay the fuck where you are on the sidewalk!” It does not mean “Cross the street now.”

Fuckwads. All 3 of you at the same intersection. Obviously stupidity is hereditary, since you appeared to be a family. A bizarro land family that *waited patiently at the corner * all through a walk light. I know, because I fucking watched you for a minute since I was sitting at a red.


[sub] I didn’t actually slap them. I called them a bunch of stupid shit-for-brains assholes as I went past them. But I wanted to slap them. Hoo boy.[/sub]

See, got me so angry I fucked up the coding!

I think for a lot of people the walk sign is a recommendation. But you’d still be at fault if you hit them if they ran in front of you on a solid orange.

Hell, got me so angry, I fuckin’ fixed the coding.

Near where I am there’s a row of 3 railroad tracks. What really gets my goat is that people don’t have the intelligence to wait till the next car has cleared them & left enough room for his/her own car before driving over them too. It’s a busy road too so I often fucking see people IDLING on these tracks due to stopped traffic. Hello?! And quit honking at me; just because you’re a dumbass doesn’t mean I will be one too.

Amen! There are tracks near the Southlake Mall and i see this regularly.

As quickly as it came the infidel coding was gone. It was on that day… I put a jihad on fucked up coding. And if you don’t believe it, then you’d better kill me now, because I’ll put a jihad on you too.



They must be related to some of the fucktards in my home town.

Dear stupid fucktards:

Do you see that green arrow on the light that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU? That arrow means that cars are allowed to turn left. That means that you should NOT be walking in the crosswalk that said cars will cross in the course of their left turns. The orange hand should be another tip-off to you that this is not the proper time to cross the street.

I wanted to honk at them and edge forward and make them think I was going to run over them, but I didn’t. I know I would be improving the species if I did run them over, but I don’t really want to deal with the hassle involved in that.

Deadwood tryouts are in Cafe Soceity.

All you driviers, you see those white lines at the intersection. Those lines are there so pedestrians (you know, the people who are walking) can cross the street between them. I realize your day is so busy that, rather than wait behind the line, you have to creep your car into the lines and maybe in front of them so you can shave 1/2 second off your time.

I’ve always wondered if I should climb over your hood, or open the car door and walk in front of you. What would Miss Manners say?

Believe it or not, Miss Manners actually addressed this issue once, although I can’t remember in which book so I can’t find a cite. Her recommendation was that the pedestrian should politely inquire which of those options the driver would prefer. And that ought to be good for another two light cycles.

Didn’t a Mentos guy do this in one commercial? Him I would have slapped just for being the Mentos guy.

Don’t risk this: he’d exterminate you with his bottle of Diet Pepsi.

A friend of mine walked across the hood of the car that was well into the cross walk. When the driver opened the door to get out and “discuss” it with my friend, my friend just shouted “This is a cross walk! Get back in your car!” The driver did so.

It was really bizarre.

I’m well aware of the fact that pedestrians have the right of way, and rightly so. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pay attention to what’s going on, or walk into traffic when you have the hand signal, or dart into an unlighted crosswalk during rush hour. Because it’s a lot harder to stop a vehicle than it is to stop yourself from being stupid, and having the right of way is no good to you if you’re dead.


Crosswalks? You mean people actually use those things where you guys live? Most folks around here think they’re for decorative purposes.

It makes your driving experience interesting. It gets worse in the summer, but year-round, day and night, in all sorts of weather, you’ll have to slow up because a small herd of people has popped out from between cars and is migrating across the street. They slowly amble to the other side, taking in the scenery, ignoring the cars which have halted to let them pass. It makes me think of the moose in the opening credits of Northern Exposure. We don’t have moose around here, just pedestrians, but it’s the same general demeanor.

Dammit, beat me to the Mentos comment. BTW they would suggest entering the car and exiting the other side…then eat a mentos to make it all okay.

In downtown Milwaukee (I’m not sure about other cities). The sign changes to walk about a second before the light changes red. I’ve always assumed this is so the walkers have a chance to get to cross the street before everyone starts turning. Obnoxious if you’re turning. But, really, not a bad idea considering how many people are walking around downtown at lunchtime.

Then there’s the other side of it. A few weeks back, I was crossing the street at a fairly major intersection (by Victoria standards at any rate) when I had to leap back to avoid being run over by a car making a left turn. As the driver flew past, she gestured towards the lights, as if to tell me “What are you doing in the crosswalk, you idiot?”

Except…I had a walk signal. The little white man was very clearly lit up, and the irritating chirpy bird noise was sounding. In other words, I was in the right, and she was wrong, so I’m not quite sure what she was getting at.

I see that all the time where I live now. Where I grew up, the train tracks were all a main freight line from North to South. You did not cross those tracks if you heard a train whistle because there’s a very good chance you would be a flat splat two seconds later. Most people who lived in the area knew this and acted responsibly around train tracks.

Where I live now has one main train track through town with some very weird offshoots that are a remnant of the old tobacco warehouse days. Example: There’s one street where the track splits off to the right and there’s a street right in the middle of the track split. Stupid, stupid design. The trains through this town all move very slowly because they’re carrying sulfur and other chemicals to the nearby pharmaceutical plants. They come through about three times a day. I see people sitting on the tracks all. the. time. Folks, just because the train’s moving slowly doesn’t mean you can have a picnic on the tracks. MOVE.

I once started to cross the street in front of the library (crosswalk, no light) when a car with a group of young people pulled in about 2 inches from me and started talking to some other young people across the street.

I proceeded to stand there for ten minutes, doing a little dance whereby I would start to cross and then shake my head and walk back, never giving the driver enough room to pull out. They started honking the horn, waving, and yelling at me. It was fun.