"I hope there is a heaven, 'cause in my version, I'd get..." (Not a serious thread)

…to read the complete stories of all those webcomics I liked, but that never got finished for one reason or another.
…to read every single locked room mystery ever written, or that ever COULD have been written. Wow, just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
…to see all those YouTube videos that got taken down before I could see them.
…guilt free eating! Woo!
…guilt free, uh, y’know. :wink: With anyone I wanted! (They’d be simulacrums, of course; even in my heaven, I wouldn’t disrespect another person’s desires!)
…an eternity of sleeping in. No more early mornings… Again, warm fuzzies just thinking about it!
…heavenly Internet… I can’t even begin to imagine how awesome that would be. The 'Net, but without everything that makes it scummy? Rapture right there, dude.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s enough for now. What would be YOUR top priorities? :slight_smile:

Cats. Lots of cats, and kittens. No need to worry about overpopulation or vet visits or whatnot- MannaKibble rains down from the sky each day and everything is taken care of. And ferrets. And cute little pet rats and albino mice. And snakes. And geckos. And they all get along, too.

Unlimited sex and food, with no bad consequences. And yes, kitties.

And no fundamentalists . . . of any religion.

I could eat whatever I desired at that moment. I wouldn’t feel full unless I wanted to (and even then it’d be a pleasant sort of full, not the yucky tummyachey bloaty kind). I could listen to the same awesome song over and over and over again and never get bored of it. I could sleep in as late as I wanted to and never feel groggy or grumpy upon waking. And I’d have all the books I wanted!

No pain. Lots and lots of kittens that never need a litter box, fresh homegrown tomatoes and my own Ralph and Cacu’s, and no goddam pain.

The ability to travel the universe instantly to see all of those glorious sights.

I’d get…

…To see Gypsy again.

…To find out what the hell the point actually is.

…To stop worrying about stupid stuff.

…To soar.

Wonderful food, lots of kitties, big comfy chairs and lots of books, no pain and no poop!

…to pet a bear. I’ve always wanted to pet a bear.

No, I want more than that: in heaven I will have a pet bear. That will be awesome.

I hope there’s a Valhalla, because that’s the place I belong, and depending on how I die, I may qualify for entry. I certainly qualify in spirit, if not in actual deed.

If there’s a Heaven…well, according to descriptions of that place, they wouldn’t let me in.

That’s why I said “in my version.”

Altho’ another religion’s heaven is perfectly fine too!

Good. In Valhalla, I shall spend my days in glorious battle, and my nights in equally glorious debauchery. I can imagine nothing finer.

… get laid occasionally.

Unlimited backscratches with no payback!
All the pizza and chocolate I can eat without feeling the effects!
My whole family together in one happy neighborhood, where we all have our own houses we can go home to when we want to be alone.
Eternally clean “freshly laundered smell” sheets, pillows and towels.


My take is my desire and I also believe it to be what heaven is:

A eternal existence based on Loved children. Children are the future in heaven, to be greatly Loved, mentored and desired, and we are all children in some form of development, never to end. The desire for children will involve sex, actually much more then that, very happy ‘pregnancies’ painless childbirth. A continuous cycle of Love, relationships, child raising and spiritual evolution (growth), in a universe that is ever expanding to meet our ever growing needs as a child of God.

It is the Love of God flowing through the parents to the children. It is not the Love that we need, but the flow of Love. The more children (and children’s children etc) we have the greater the flow of Love we can have.

To each his own and all, but if that is Heaven, and there is no Valhalla, sign me up for Hell.


Or if Heaven means still being (mostly) human, perfect health. Way, way out on the cutting edge mental acuity, athletic ability, and the focus and will to use it all. Upper 99.99999% ability to comprehend complex math. I’d like to understand the fundamental underpinnings of physical reality, and what the apparent contradictions of quantum mechanics really mean. There is something fundamentally wrong in our understanding of time and space if quantum entanglement is truly expressed instantaneously, because everything else is limited by the speed of light.

I’d like to understand how human consciousness operates, and how it contrasts with that of animals. Would an alien intelligent species think like us or not? What would the similarities and differences tell us about the nature of being a reasoning and emotional being? Current opinion in neurobiology is that consciousness is intimately linked to brain structure. But most people working in science believe that what they find and abstract into mathematics has a truth that transcends biology. I’m not arguing that biology is an inferior science, only that it seems to be the outcome of a non-repeatable historical process, whereas the inanimate world seems more predictable, or at least explainable in math terms. Why is that so? And why do we living things seem to cross over some kind of determinability barrier?


Sit on my granddaddy’s back porch and listen to him tell stories while the late and lamented Bitz the Wondermutt sleeps at my feet in the full bloom of health. Anything much beyond that is just gravy.

Mine would have answers. All those mysteries (Where did Atlantis go? Who killed Kennedy? What happened to Amelia Earhart?) we come across would be solved. Even personal ones, like “did so and so really tell me the truth that time?”

It would be an effective, accurate combination of Wikipedia and google-able to find whatever you want and have it be correct.

I’m with you Oakie