Hello - I have had a problem since I was about 10 years old and it’s getting more than a little annoying…
I can’t seem to be on time for anything in the morning - I’ve received the admonishments about respect, etc from teachers, employers, relatives, and society at large for 25 years now and I can’t seem to get an angle on it.
A little about myself - I don’t drink, smoke, do any drugs other than those prescribed by my employer (joke.) But I’ve abused them ALL in my time and have quit them all in kind. I’ve never had any problems falling asleep, and I pretty much feel positive about my profession/career. I have not lost jobs over this, but it hasn’t endeared me to any of my bosses. More often than not it serves as a black mark on my record, and is brought up at reviews, but not much else.
I’m usually late in the ballpark of 15-30 minutes - no matter what time I’m supposed to be there. Not always - I can be on time when I put my mind to it for a week or so. Anyone have any books I can read (preferably small and to the point) or have the knowhow to help a fellow out?
Are you late to stuff that you’re excited about? I find that I’m chronically late to things I’m not particularly excited about. For instance, most weekdays I can barely get out of bed by 8 am and roll into work at 9:30 am. Last week and this week, however, I’ve been coaching high school kids at 6:30 am. I like coaching and, sure enough, I am down there on time or early every single day.
Another bad habit I have is chronically underestimating how long it will take me to get ready and get there. If it’s something I’m looking forward to, like a meeting a friend, I get ready early and give myself plenty of time. If it’s work, I keep lying to myself that I have “plenty of time” until I’m running late.
I’m still working on it but I know the problem is something I have the power to fix. I’m gonna check out the book Nametag recommended; it looks interesting.
I think I have the answer for you, Patrick. I used to be the same way: always a night person, never a morning person. Even if I did force myself out of bed, I didn’t really wake up until 9 or 10 am.
Let me guess: You usually skip breakfast or just have a pastry on the run, right? If so, that is essentially your problem.
Some years back, I read a book called “Overcoming Jetlag” which was about, obviously, how to deal with that painfully groggy effect you get when the sun time doesn’t match your body clock. I used the author’s suggestions to deal with my problem with being groggy in the morning and it’s worked great ever since.
Here it is: In the morning, eat protein with a minimum of carbohydrates. Later in the day, eat carbohydrates as desired…but keep to protein in the morning and avoid coffee or other sources of caffeine. As I’m on a continuous diet, I usually eat a bowl of high-protein cereal with a large glass of non-fat milk. The important thing is that you get morning protein every day.
If you can do this every day for a month, you’ll find that, when the alarm clock goes off, you’re awake rather than groggy. It’s just a matter of telling your biological clock that it’s time to get up and take a meal.
You might want to give it a try. It doesn’t work overnight…but expect results after a couple or three weeks.
Where in Milwaukee do you live, I could come over and lay on my horn outside your window every morning. I assume you’ve tried the ‘obvious’ ie going to bed earlier. Setting your alarm earlier. Setting your clocks 30 minutes fast. What about what my GF does. If she needs to be out of bed by 6:30, she sets a series of alarms. Usually one at 5:00, 5:30, 5:45, 6:15, 6:30 or so. But don’t do it if you sleep with other people near by. I’m now in the habit of getting out of bed when the first one goes off and watching TV or something until she get’s out of bed, THEN I go back to sleep.
Big shot of protein in the morning. Eggs, cheese, sliced chicken (not turkey though). My wife had a similar problem at one time and found this helped immensely.
Second thought would be to check your ticker. A friend was having problems with waking up. They put a heart monitor on him over night, and found that when he was sleeping, his heart rate dropped to 15-20 beats per minute, sometimes with up to 5 seconds between beats. At least check it out. Said friend is now awaiting a heart transplant, and early detection probably saved his life.
Thanks for the responses - I have a lot of ways to look at this. The biggest problem is the people around me thinking it somehow reflects on them - like I secretly hate them or my job or my family or you name it. Yes, it’s my problem, but I spend so much time appologizing for my behavior, both real and imagined. That really takes it’s toll - in dignity and whatnot…
And you can probably guess where I live - just drive around any neighborhood at 5:30 am honking - I’ll be the one yelling out my window and waving with one finger!
If your problem is really related to trouble waking up I suggest jogging in the morning before work. I did this for a year or two and found that I routinely started waking up 5 minutes before the alarm went off. Actually got to the point where I stopped setting an alarm.
However, I suspect a psychological demon is at work here. I used to be chronically late for everything. As long as people tolerated it (albeit ungracefully) I seemed powerless to correct the problem. Therapists have a field day with this but results are less than stunning.
At one point I entered a two year training program to advance in my field. On day one I thought the first class started at 9:30 AM and arrived at 9:15 to find that I was 15 minutes late. Okay, could happen to anyone. On day two I arrived 3 minutes late and was spoken to about it, On day three I arrived exactly on time but clearly out of breath. The director took me into her office at the end of the day and said, “We had 280 applications for 8 positions in this program. If you don’t really want to be here tell me now so I can give someone more motivated a shot.” After assuring her I wished desperately to continue she replied, “I’ve dealt with chronic latecomers before and find they rarely reform. If you wish to complete this training, you must be on time every day for the rest of the two years. The next time you are late, you are out. I don’t care if it is the day before graduation - you will be history.” When I countered with the unrealistic unfairness of this ultimatum - What if my alarm clock malfunctions? What if the power goes out overnight? etc. her response was unwavering. “You’ll just have to make allowances for those events because if you are late again, you are out. I don’t care what the reason is.” I was never late again for the whole two years.
I now consider chronic lateness to be a passive-aggressive character flaw that I spend my life fighting. When I was late one day for work a few years ago due to a babysitter emergency, I arrived at work apologizing left and right. People said, “Calm down. We know you never come late. We can’t recall a single instance when you were late in the last four years.” I was shocked to discover I had that reputation.
This is something you can change. It takes will and determination (and sometimes a little soul searching), but you can choose to be the worker who has a reputation for always being on time. It increases your self-respect and the respect your co-workers have for you. Decide to do it. Or pay a fortune for analysis (but you’ll probably show up late for your therapy sessions). :dubious:
I was realy looking forward to my first day of school. I went to bed early, but when it came time to get up, I just couldn’t. My mother spent so much time trying to get me up that I missed the school bus (we lived in the country, and school was a long way).
AND it has been down hill since then. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I work nights and love it. I wouldn’t take a day job for anything now.
So, look arround for night jobs.
Spelling and grammer subject to change without notice.
This is known as “phase-delayed sleep” or “delayed sleep phase”. Try doing a google search on this term (leave it unquoted so you get both variations).
If they were handing out $1000 bills on the corner but you had to be there on time to get one, would you? If the answer is yes, then do whatever you would do in that situation.
I have been fighting with that problem all of my adult life. My experience is that the snooze button on alarm clocks is among the most harmful inventions of the last century. Beginning the day works for me if (and only if) I leave the bed immediately on waking, no excuses accepted. Have you tried that?
I think I am your polar opposite! I loathe, absolutely loathe being late. I’m even obsessive about it. I regularly arrive to work 15-30 minutes early. In 3 years here I have not been late more than once, and that was due to circumstances well beyond my control. I arrive on time or early for just about everything I do, even stupid things that don’t require me to be there promptly. Its almost as if some part of my brain won’t stop nagging me about appointments I have made. Annoying, but it lets me maintain a reputation as someone who will be there when he says he will be there.
If you do these two things both of your problems will be solved.
One: As far as getting out of bed. Find the most annoying buzzing alarm clock you can find. Place it across the room. Keep the room dark. When the alarm goes off, get up out of bed turn on the light, turn oof the annoying sound and get into the shower. No “snoozing” allowed. (it also helps if you use your bedroom for sleeping, not reading, etc.)
Two: Understand that you chronic lateness is a choice. A choice based on a simple miscalculation. I bet the amount of time you allot to get ready and get where you want to go is abhou right, but VERY tight. It assumes that everything goes absolutely perfectly, i.e., that your keys are where you think they are etc.
Problem is, 99.9% of the time something(s) won’t go perfectly. The answer is to be overly generous in your estimate. If it takes 5 minutes to drive somewhere, allot your self 20. If you need 5 minutes to shave, give yourself 10. Do this for everything and you’ll probably end up on time. At worse, you’ll be early. And you’ll be ralxed. And not feel rude for valuing your time more than everyone else’s, which is what you are doing.
Hope you don’t mind the tought love, but it all worked for me.
