I just discovered my contractor is a sex offender and ex-con...talk me down

The work is finished, thank god, but I can’t stop thinking about how he’s basically had the run of my house for a week, talked to my kids, etc. Intellectually, I know I’m over-reacting since there are thousands of sex offenders out there that we never even know or think about, but we don’t invite them into our house and leave them mostly unsupervised. (My kids were with me the whole time, so I’m not worried about that.)

So, tell me I’m over-reacting by starting to price home security units. Please?

I think you’re over reacting a bit, yeah. People can end up on the sex offender list for relatively minor crimes, not necessarily to children either. People can also change, and it sounds like he’s found meaningful work.

How old was he? Perhaps this was something that happened when he was 19 and now he’s 40 and has grown up a lot since then?

I understand where you’re coming from, however. I would probably have the same thoughts going through my head initially.

Did he get a chance to get your alarm code/copy your house key?

Do you ever routinely leave a door/window unlocked that he could have learned about?

Have you told your children that even if he comes to the door saying that you said to let him in/he shows up at school telling you that you sent him to pick them up they are to refuse?

If the answers to 1 and 2 are no, and 3 is yes, then you have done due diligence - though an alarm system with CO2 and fire alarm with general perimeter and panic button are never untoward.

He was caught with a computer full of prOn when he was thirty, so this doesn’t fall under the youthful offender category. I know, it could be worse, he could have offended with actual people, but knowing that it was kids makes me sick inside.

I don’t have an alarm. I doubt he would have been able to make a copy of the house key but it doesn’t take all that much to kick in a door. And the kids are too young to open the door, so I don’t have to worry about them being home alone.

I’m starting to breathe again, but this does really suck. I hope he’s gotten his life back together (it’s been almost ten years) but I hate that I invited him into my home.

I’d get the security. Better safe than sorry, and you definitely don’t want any safety doubts where it comes to your children.

I think it’s a pretty huge leap from

collected disgusting porn (or even “still collects disg. porn”)


will use legitimate day job
to illegally copy keys
to break into a house
to harm children

Would you have the same reaction if he had committed a different crime, or it just sex crimes that turn people into monsters?

Note: I am in no way defending the crime (in general) or this man in particular, and you should protect your kids as you think best. Better safe than sorry and all that. I’m just curious as to why people have such a disproportionate reaction between sex offenders and other criminals (burglars etc.). I would think a convicted burglar would be a lot more of a risk as a contractor than a convicted sex criminal.

Unfortunately, I just turned up a bunch of convictions, including weapons, larceny, and assault. And more recent than the computer stuff. Ugh.

How old were the “models” in the pictures/films? GIFs/videos of 16-year-old girls that look like 20-year-old women still constitutes child pornography.

Obviously you can’t ask him, nor should you. But there is a lot of gray area that this could fall under. I don’t know that I would let it bother me, but that’s just me. He did the job, it’s done, and now that you know his history choose a different contractor next time.

That’s nutty thinking Meagan. As soon as she imagines another threat she should overreact to that too? What about the other 500 registered sex offenders in her county? Or the as-yet uncaught ones? Or the robbers or rapists or …

OP: The guy could have kicked in your door any day since he was let out of prison. The fact that now you know his name doesn’t increase his ability to kick doors. Any house on your block is just as vulnerable as yours is. Which is to say, completely vulnerable physically but really not much at all practically.

Yes, he now knows that you have have kids. But a contractor I bet he’s been in a lot of houses. And seen a lot of kids. It also doesn’t take an Einstein to drive through a neighborhood & figure out which houses have kids. Most of them do.

*Could *something bad happen? Of course. Darn near anything *could *happen, including being struck by a meteorite. The challenge as adults is to determine which threats are real enough to do something about and then do something which will actually solve the problem. About all a home alarm will do is make a bit of noise while he loads the kids in his van. In other words, it might make you *feel *safer to have one, but it won’t make you (or them) *actually *safer.

The fact you’re seeking feel-good solutions is a pretty valid indication that you’re having an emotional overreaction, not making a rational decision basd on a rational threat analysis.

The number of potential bad people in your county is just what it was 3 weeks ago. The only thing that’s changed is your awareness of one of them.
Sorry if I sound harsh. I’m not trying to be a jerk. I’m trying to help by adding a little cold rational water to some overheated feelings.

Multiple offenses dont sound good.

It does sound like burglary or theft are your biggest risks, but covering your bases with some of the above advice wont hurt.


One of the men I most trust is an ex-con. No sex offenses, but he has a fairly long rap sheet from when he was a young criminal including armed robbery, auto theft and burglary. He went to prison, got a bunch of ugly tattoos, got religion, got straight, got out and has lived a blameless life ever since. I trust him with my house keys.

I have another friend who is currently in prison for “child porn” - which means he downloaded JPEGS from a Usenet group, and a couple of images featured one 17 year old girl. Legal in the country where it was uploaded, grounds for destroying his life, family and career in the USA.

Ten years. If he was going to use his legit day job to burglarize people he probably would have done it by now. You remind me of Sandra Bullock from Crash. I mean, you have evidence that he’s done something wrong unlike her, but I can’t help but get that visual. Just chill. My friend’s brother is having to move because the home he and his wife and infant child live in has people dealing drugs in its lawn and they found their window popped out of its frame and some stuff broken. That’s something to be afraid of.

I apologize if you think it’s nutty, but that would be the route I would go. You’re more than welcome to your opinion. My original post was quite long, and I had questions about why the OP felt unsafe, etc, and ended with sharing that my own father is on the sex offender list, but only because it was thrown in with the plea bargain at the end because there were children in the general area. I edited it to say what is there now because I thought, “eh, this is too wordy, and probably doesn’t matter”, so I shortened it down to what I would do. And considering Erdosain’s last reveal, I will stand by it. I would get the security.

Chill out.

Okay, I’ve calmed down. I know he’s not going to kick in my door in the middle of the night; this isn’t Law and Order.

But looking at his convictions, he doesn’t really seem to have gone straight. He got busted for the computer stuff first (10 years ago) and since then has repeatedly violated his parole, including some scary stuff just a year ago, and including battering someone and ripping off a contracting client. And that’s just the stuff he’s plead guilty to. Also, the computer stuff was hundreds of images on several computers, so I doubt it was an accident, but who knows.

I just wish now that he didn’t know I existed, but I should count my lucky stars he actually did the work he promised and didn’t steal from me (that I know). I feel so stupid for not googling him earlier.

I suspect lots of people hadnt seen your second post about multiple offenses.


The sex offender list is getting stupid. I was looking at it for my area, and there’s about 100 in a 2-3 block radius. I couldn’t find a building with more than 20 occupants that didn’t have one. And then, I went looking at the specific crimes they committed, and apparently if you are living in the same house as someone who gets convicted, you have to go on the list too. There’s entire families on the list. And then, I also found crimes that I didn’t know where crimes. Consensual sex with a teen, for example, is not supposed to be a crime in my state, but cyber solicitation of a minor is, which makes absolutely no sense at all.

I even sent a question into the Master to find out what the hell is going on. Apparently, it has been accepted but don’t expect an answer in the next few years.

Cite? How does this work? Do little girls end up on the sex offender list because they were living with their father when he molested them? If you are on the list due to residence with a sex offender, can you get off the list by moving away, or are you branded for life in that jurisdiction? Do you end up on the list if you move into the offender’s residence after conviction? E.g. 1: Kid moves away from home. 2: Dad commits and is convicted of a sex offence. Mom and dad and little sis are now on the list. Kid moves back in with parents due to job loss. Does Kid now have to register?

Yeah I’m another for wanting a cite for this. When my mother left my father when I was young, he had to move into my grandmother’s house for awhile. That is where he lived when he got convicted and then put on the list. My grandmother isn’t on the list.

One can come up with absurd applications of this type of policy.

Guy 1 reads ad looking for roommate published by Guy 2 that is “too good to be true” - asking for too little considering the going rate in the neighborhood.
Guy 1: "Wow, this seems great <signs paperwork> but I have this nagging feeling there’s going to be a catch.
Guy 2: “Well, you see, there actually is a catch. You’re now a registered sex offender. You have an 11 PM curfew and can’t go within 100 feet of the neighborhood park. To get off the list you have to wait 10 years and complete a therapy program.”