This thing about me is such a puzzle, I took a break from work and started making time for all things that i wanted to do. In 2 years i did pretty well, i did some free lance interior design jobs, started doing some serious writing and basically took time off for myself. It gave me a different perspective altogether and now all i want to do is get back to work, like a full time job. The thing is I do not understand, this is supposed to be good like its supposed to be my thing to be on my own. Now i am so tired of it. Talking about it to friends and family helped in gaining a perspective, but I am getting angry at the whole topic and I just dont want to talk about it anymore. I want to break free from a shell which i curled up into. Why is it seeming so crazy to me. Why is this seeming messed up?
People go through different times in their lives where they want/need more or less structure. I know that for me, as independant and stubborn as I am, a more structured schedule is kind of needed or else I feel like something is missing. I can spend all weekend doing JUST what I want to do, but if that doesn’t include stuff I think I should be doing, then I just feel pretty meh.
And sometimes people get into a rut and just need a new perspective. Well, you had your perspective, and right now you seem to be needing something else. If you happen to know what that is, it would help lots 
It looks like you’re trying to let us know that you have a problem, but I am having difficulty understanding precisely what it is. If I understand correctly, you once had a fulltime job, and quit the job in order to be self-employed and “do your own thing.” And now you want to reverse course and work at a fulltime job again. Is that correct? If so, can you define the problem in clearer and more succinct terms? Are you trying to figure out why being self-employed did not work out for you? Are you having difficulty trying to find another fulltime job? Or are you upset that friends and family members do not understand your situation?
Or is this just your substitute for a blog?
No, this is not a blog. The situation is that self employment is not helping, my days are getting gloomy and boring, also and family is not truely understanding the situation, so it pretty much sucks.
You’re not a puzzle. Your problem is extremely common. The solution is not complicated: get a job.
Being your own boss blows in a million different respects. And quite often, if you do something you considered a fun hobby as a job, it sucks all the joy right out of it. You’re left with a job you hate and you lost a perfectly good hobby into the bargain.
So your family doesn’t get it. Welcome to the support group: it’s called “everyone.”
Self employment is not for everyone. In fact, it doesn’t work for most people. So as stated by Hello Again, it’s time to get a job.
Well, i can see clearly that a full time job is a must now , I have read about making hobby as a job can kill your interest on the hobby, simple because no one really enjoys their job so much. Thats the reason everyone has a hobby for themselves. These things back fire sometimes, My time is ticking like a time bomb now…the sooner i get out and make a better living the better it is for me.