Tell me your inspiring story about "getting off the merry-go-round."

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a great job, doing interesting work for good people. I like my job. The only downside to it is that it requires a great commitment of time and, consequently, personal resources.

Recently, things have not been as busy as they usually are, and I’ve had the time to hang out with friends, make (and keep) plans, see movies, eat at restaurants, work out, see my family, etc. That’s great, but now it looks like I’m heading back into my usual schedule: twelve to fifteen hour days, six to seven days a week. It is a schedule that I have been on for five years, and if I stay in this job, it will be a schedule I will keep for the next thirty years. That’s a sobering thought.

Then, today, out of nowhere, it occurred to me: I don’t have to do this. I could quit, go work somewhere else that requires less of my time, and I could have a life – have weekends, and friends, and free time. Sure, I’d make less money, but I’d have more time.

Part of me says that’s a loser response, that I should be happy to make my career the central focus of my life, and that by stepping off this merry-go-round, I’m admitting I’m not strong enough or smart enough for this life.

But another part of me says, “oooh, free time!” I could get a hobby – learn to fly a plane, or drive a race car, or take up knitting. (Well, knitting at least; I’d probably get motion-sick in the plane or car.)

So tell me your inspiring story of the career change or job change that improved your life. Tell me about the time you gave up the money and the glory for more time, and how you haven’t looked back.

2

Stepping off the merry-go-round means admitting that you want to have a life, in my opinion. A career (or job) is a means to an end - to have enough money so that you can have a life. If you have all the money, but no life, you’re just not doing it right.

I don’t know how inspiring my story is, but I work at a seasonal part-time job that has virtually zero stress, and I love it. I come and go as I please, I get there when I get there, my boss doesn’t pressure me in the slightest, and it’s great. Two of my sisters are working high-pressure, high-stress jobs, and they hate it. My oldest sister has no time for the kids she gave birth to.

The truth of the matter is that life is about choices. Choosing to have more life and less work is a completely valid choice; there’s nothing weak or dumb about it. It sounds like you’ve just gotten a wake-up call.

3

I have jumped off the merry-go-round already.
Was working 65 hours a week, plus running call either 2 nights or a whole weekend. Being on call as a locksmith when the company has the only full page ad in the book means very little sleep and stressful customers.
Now I am working 8 to 5 making a little less money, a lot less stress.
I realized with only minor life changes I could live quite well on less money.

4

I’m unemployed and completely broke. Where might I find this merry go round?

5

No one has ever died wishing they spent less time with their friends and family.

6

I don’t think wanting to move into a new career direction means that you aren’t “strong or smart enough.” It means that you want a more varied and stimulating life.
Perhaps you could move into a different area of law, one that doesn’t require such long hours. Or take a sabbatical (if that is possible at your company) and take on some work at a Legal Aid Centre (or whatever the equivalent is in the US) - they usually have 9 to 5 office hours. It may give you a breathing space so you can explore your options.

I always find your posts interesting and informative, Campion, as I think I am about 10 years behind you in the same career and I often ponder these issues.

7

Well, I quit my job about a month ago and have been unemployed the last two weeks. I finally had the title and job description I’d been working to get for ten years, and was on a team with people that I like and respect a lot, on a decent project, and after years with a lot of 36-hour workdays and 70-or-more-hour work weeks I was finally in a position with a decent balance between time at work and a personal life. But I simply realized that I wasn’t passionate about what I was working on. And I’ve never had more than 1 week of unemployment since my sophomore year of college, and it was just time to step off.

Yesterday I interviewed for (and by all indications, got) a contracting gig that means not only do I get to work from home and have more chance at personal satisfaction, but on a project that is pretty much my dream job. Now, I lucked into this opportunity, but the point is that it is possible to make a change, and it is possible for it to be better, not just different. I had a lot of reservations about making a break from being a company man, but the thing I kept hearing over and over again was that it is possible, and there’s a lot more to life than just turning yourself over to a company.

On the practical side, the only downsides that I can see so far are more expensive medical insurance, taxes are going to be difficult, and going independent means less chance for notoriety, working a project that people are guaranteed to see just by vritue of your company’s reputation.

8

“Part of me says that’s a loser response, that I should be happy to make my career the central focus of my life, and that by stepping off this merry-go-round, I’m admitting I’m not strong enough or smart enough for this life.”

Smack that part with a rubber mallet to make it shut up. That kind of thinking *is * the ultimate loser response. You didn’t get yourself a family, friends, and etc., just because you had this great job, were fulfilled in your existence, and you just needed something on which to spend your salary. You got a family, friends, etc., because they pleased you and made you whole. You got a job because these things cost money to maintain.

My “getting off the wheel” story isn’t complete yet, but I’m getting there. I no longer guilty if I leave work for the day with non-emergency stuff undone. I refuse to feel guilty if I don’t check email on the weekend. I’m readily available by phone, and each and every one of my co-workers knows how to contact me if there’s a true emergency. I have learned to say, “I’m sorry, but I have family commitments that day, and we’ll have to pick a different date for this non-emergency task.” I’ve also accepted that this might cause some boss to think I don’t like my job enough, at which time I’ll probably be out of there.

The story is incomplete because I am now looking for new careers. I can accept the “less money” part, but I am trying to find something for which I am not currently too old and for which I won’t be too old when I finish re-training.

9

Three years ago my brother died suddenly at the age of 48. 1 month to the day later my best friend’s husband died at the age of 45. Neither had been sick. :eek: I was 1 year younger than my brother, my husband was one year older. We talked a lot and due to our circumstances were able to take off for a couple of months. So we did. I thought we would get bored :smack: hahahahahaha

We are just about to start our 4th summer off, no worries, no schedules, turn the cell phone on once a week to check for messages. :cool:

Yeah we make a lot less money, but who cares. We both know too many people who retired then died within 6 months. Our friends fall into two camps, those who think we’re crazy and those who envy us. OK…they all think we’re crazy.

Oh and MrSin is one of those guys who normally works 60-80 hour weeks. He just doesn’t work as many weeks per year now.

10

Some of this came out of a discussion with a friend – my best friend; we’ve known each other for nearly 25 years. She was in town on business, and I couldn’t get away in the evenings even to meet her for dinner until her last night in town.

We hadn’t seen each other for two years, because we “couldn’t” make the time. And she said to me, “Did you ever think this is where we’d be – coming up on our mid-thirties, working like dogs, no husband, no kids? I want a do-over. I want to go back to being nineteen. I’d do things differently.”

I don’t think I’d do things differently; I like the path I took to get here. And her biological clock is pounding in her ears every second of every day, while I can’t really seem to find mine. And, generally, I like my life. But, lord, some days it makes me tired.

The loser comment comes from, I think, the dichotomy, my belief that there are two kinds of women: family women and career gals. And either your family or your career should be the center of your life, so since I don’t have a family, I ought to have a career. While I know intellectually it just ain’t so, I need to convince my emotional self.

cwthree, keeping my current job and taking more time for me isn’t an option. The people who survive are the ones willing to sacrifice everything to make it. Ask me how many people brag about where they were when their children were born, or when little Johnny got leukemia. I’ll give you a hint: no one brags that they were at the hospital. The ones who set their family as a priority get out.

Sarah, keep thinking about these things; I don’t regret the path I took because it got me here. But keep your eyes open. :wink:

11

:eek:

I guess it takes all kinds, but I can’t imagine living in their world.

12

Yeah, they mean it as a sign of toughness. “Look at all I gave up to do this.” But, really, that’s not how I hear it.

13

You know, if I could’ve ever figured out how to get on the merry-go-round, I’d probably be looking to get off it at about your age. But my first job in HS killed my illusions & I never did buy “it”. The big game everyone’s playing - why does it seem real? Every job I’ve had (plus I’ve done a lot of temping) I’ve been mystified by everyone’s investment. Each office becomes its own little kingdom. And they make all these proclamations about “the world”, when it’s really just their world & the guys up the street have completely contrary but equally committed views.

The answer might be - once you get off the merry-go-round, that leaves the rollercoaster.

Don’t know if that helps you, but it’s all I got. :wink:

14

I will insert one word of caution: I work 60-80 hours a week during the school year, and I certainly have no life outside of school, but I love it. Being really good at something, being competent, is really, really important to me, and I’d have trouble enjoying the rest of my life if I didn’t have that feeling that my life is really worth something, that I have a job to do and I do it well, to act as a backdrop to everything else. Maybe this isn’t as self-actualized as getting all your satisfaction from within, but I am pretty freaking happy with my life, so I don’t care.

What I am trying to say is that there are probably positive things you do get out of your job, and you need to be aware of what those are and so that you don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.

15

But has anyone ever died - or, more accurately, lain on their deathbed and thought, “I wish I had had the resources to send little Johnny and Susie to college?” or “I wish I could have bought my wife that round-the-world trip she’s always dreamed of when we retired?”

16

I have very recently taken a very big flying leap off the merry-go-round. Too soon to say how well it’s working out, but I feel hopeful :slight_smile:

17

Family women or career gals? That’s all the choices women get? That sounds pretty limiting. What about just doing what you want to do with your time? What about going where you want to go and seeing what you want to see? I agree with your intellectual self - keep working on your emotional self. Tell it that it’s okay to want more out of life - to actually be fulfilled in all areas, not just a choice of two.

18

Ah, but then you’ve got your answer (the simplified version): The ones who set their family [friends, interests, etc.] as a priority get out. If you truly want to give those things the time and energy they deserve, you’ll have to set yourself the goal of “getting out.” It’s probably not reasonable to plan on walking up to your boss tomorrow morning and saying, “Bye!” But you can work out a plan to get out: find another job (which I know isn’t easy, and if it’s like my field, likely to look a lot like your current job), train for another field/profession (again, not easy, and not cheap either), etc.

The alternative is to decide that you aren’t going to let the no-life workaholics in your office set the tone of your life. Ask yourself: Why is taking time for yourself not an option? Is it really just because the no-lifers are going to think you aren’t one of them, and is that actually a bad thing (do you truly want to be admired by that kind of person)? Is it likely that you’ll lose this job (before you’re ready to quit) if you take more time for yourself?

I urge you to consider featherlou’s comment (“Family women or career gals? That’s all the choices women get?”). Men - successful men, men who pursue their careers with a passion - have been dishing themselves generous helpings of both “career” and “friends/family/interests” forever. Give yourself permission to do the same. Yes, it will annoy the co-workers who have become accustomed to helping themselves to your time. They can, and will, learn to cope.

Thinking about my own “getting off the wheel,” I did accomplish it to some extent with my last (unplanned) job switch. At my last job, I allowed myself to get sucked into all-nighters, “emergencies” that were really someone else’s failure to to prepare, and so on. When I started my current job, I simply made it a practice from the outset to say “No” to non-emergencies that cut into family time. If you can’t change the way you work in your current job, could you take another job in the same field and simply adopt a new attitude there? Would your new co-workers know that you were different at your old job? Or is your current workplace pretty representative of the field?

Another thing I’ve done at the new job is I simply don’t talk about what I do outside of work, or I talk about it in only the most general terms. By not talking about my life outside of work, I don’t give my co-workers that chance to make judgements about whether or not it’s more important than their own needs. My co-worker probably thinks it’s more important for me to review his memo than it is for me to eat dinner with my family. But if he doesn’t know that “all” I’m going to do is eat dinner with the family, he can’t impose that judgement on me. If I say only that I’ve got a commitment and people are expecting me, he’s learned that he’ll get nowhere by demanding to know what my commitment is. He’ll have to explain to me why his need is an emergency, and it isn’t, so he can’t.

19

I’m searching for a merry-go-round currently, or may be not… if my next job is some kind of consultant thing, then it will be a merry-go-round kind of thing; if it’s in a factory, then it’s less hours, less money, less excitement but actually using the same skills. Looking for either, really - both options have advantages and disadvantages, for me.

A friend of mine got an MD, but she wasn’t able to get a residence; in Spain you must have a residence in order to be able to get a permanent job as a doctor. She signed up for the subs list, and went to nursing school in between doing substitutions for doctors. Now she is both subs lists (so you may see her in the same office, one day as the doctor and another as the nurse!) and gets to work about 9 months a year. Depending on things like how much she considers her kids need her at a given time, she signs up for 24-hour-guards or not, drops off one of the two subs lists, etc. She says one of the coolest things is when she gets some uppity new doc as a nurse and then runs into him/her again a few days later when she’s in doctor’s uniform :smiley:

20

Yes, I could lose my job if I take more time for myself; because doing so would mean work would go undone, and when you’re facing court deadlines, your only real option is to get it done on time.

My current job is representative of a particular subset of the field of law. I’m at a large law firm, with a billable hours requirement that requires billing 40 hours a week, minimum. Once you’ve met your billable hours requirement (which doesn’t include things like administrative work, pro bono work, committee work, etc., all of which is “encouraged”), you should bill more to be a “pet.”

Basically, within the next five years, I’ll be given an option: (a) become a partner; (b) get out within the next three months; or (c) go take this job in-house at a client. The latter option is for those attorneys they like but that they do not intend to make a partner in the business.

I have other options: smaller law firm that requires fewer hours; in-house, which also requires fewer hours; government work, which, depending on the branch, can require as many hours.

But I’ve made up my mind. I spent some time this weekend drafting my resume. We’ll see what happens.