. . . throwing in some floor decking (plywood) in my unfinished attic, when I whacked my thumb with my hammer. Son of a Pirate lovin’ &#! My Og-damned pirate-fckin’ peg-legged, one-eyed ((#! of a &@*! in a $$!&, dogbreathed *&*#!!!
So as a safety note to all you ConstructaDopers out there—wear your safety goggles. Because you never know when his noodly appendages may accidentally fling pieces of meatballs into your eyes too.
Tripler
It’s hard to type whilst sucking on a bruised thumb. . . ow.
10/10 for the cussing. Well played.
Do you usually swear in such a piratey manner?
Cuz it’s kinda entertaining… 
Sorry for your thumb though.
See what God does to you when you pretend to believe in silly things? Yeah, now you do.
Maybe if you’re really good and repent, the Donny Moster will forgive you.
If you’re gonna whack your digits with a hammer, I don’t suggest this one. At 24oz. with an extra long handle, when the checkered face tags your finger, your dog will start swearing! (Been there, done that)
Another thing to put on your list of stuff to not do is get fingers in the way of a hammer tacker. Like when a storm is brewing and you’re putting up plastic sheeting to keep an area dry overnight, and bam, bam, bam, %&$@! when you crush, puncture, and fasten your fingertip to the framing, so you’ve gotta grab a pliers out of your tool belt with your only free hand and disengage yourself. (Been there, done that, too)
A buddy of mine was hustling to finish the roof on a house, and he tagged the web of flesh between thumb and forefinger with a pneumatic nailer. So, he had to put down the nail gun, grab his cat’s paw, and un-nail his paw from the sheathing. After that, he had to cut off the nail shank flush with his palm, because Bostitch roofing guns use wire collated nails, and they would act like fishhook barbs when trying to remove the fastener. (Have not done that, thank Noodles)
Such fun we have in construction. 
In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. [/christmas story]
This is why Pterry describes religion as a great comfort - when you whack your thumb with a two-pound hammer, it takes a specially strong-minded atheist to yell “Oh, random fluctuations in the spacetime continuum!” or “Arrgh, primitive and outmoded concept on a crutch!”.
As our Lord was himself a carpenter, I’m sure he looks sympathetically on some violations of the Third Commandment. 
Yeah Malacandra, I gotta learn to swear better–especially when I have kids:
“Son of a pirate-lovin’ Eigenvalue! By the hammer of Thor, that natural log hurt like a jack rafter on a hip gabled roof! Oww!”
Tripler
My thumb is feeling much better today, thank you. The hammer. . . not so much.
