If, after your walk-and-talk, what you’re thinking about is whether her face is acceptably pretty, then you didn’t really click. I think you should move on and let her find somebody more compatible (or at least more mature).
I’m glad my girlfriend doesn’t wear makeup, ever. Most beautiful face in the world to me.
deanc2000, I just googled “Julia Roberts without makeup” and I honestly don’t know what the hell you’re thinking.
Less makeup = better, so far as I’m concerned.
I disagree; makeup & lack thereof has been, in my experience, a regional thing. In some areas it’s the norm for women to wear it, in others, it’s pretty much a personal thing.
Personally, I don’t wear makeup, and haven’t since high school. Most of my friends who are my age are the same. I know some women a few years older than me who wear light makeup, and my grandmother, at 90+ years old, still wants her blush and lipstick on before she goes out.
I wouldn’t have worn makeup to a single’s meetup simply because it would have never occurred to me to wear any. It’s not part of my routine, and I can’t imagine what I would have done if a guy had asked me to wear some. Probably laugh at him. What a weird thing to be hung up about.
OK, gotcha.
I think the OP just needs to measure his responses. Go out, have a good time, and don’t lead her on beyond what you’re feeling. In the early stages of dating, hey, take a chance…everybody knows that you might get one date and after, the other decides ‘No thanks.’ That should be no harm, no foul.
I suppose I’m putting a fair amount of myself into that appraisal. I mean, I weigh how likely I think it is to be a good match, the possibility of rejection, and all that BUT I also weigh how much I wouldn’t want the possible discomfort of explaining why I don’t want to see her any more. Stupid of me, I know.
I think if makeup is that important to you then you’d be leading this woman on by going on another date with her. Are you hoping that if you give her another chance she’ll show up fresh from a makeover? It’s not going to happen.
I think that if I were this woman, I’d rather never hear from you again then go out with you a couple more times, think things were going well, and then have you break things off because I’m just too plain for you.
Sorry, I think many (men and women) would prefer a chance to show what they have to offer. If she will go to an event without makeup, she’s probably a pretty strong woman and the potential rejection after one or two dates won’t kill her.
In a way, this should be as cool and calculated as a business deal. No promises or bodily fluids have been exchanged yet AFAIK. Another date or two gives the possibility of making an informed decision—not pursuing something that won’t work, maybe, or maybe not throwing away a diamond in the rough.
How does adding pressure on the OP help? “Hurry up and decide before you go on the date?” If the correct decision were that obvious, he wouldn’t be posting.
Not stupid at all. 
And I agree with you about a couple of dates being no harm, no foul. Really, at that point, no big explanation is needed if one or both parties wander off for whatever reason.
Thanks for the interesting discussion!
[underlining mine] explains why it’s stupid of me.
Women especially don’t want men to want them just for sex. Somehow it’s just ironic to me that when a woman doesn’t have the looks, and a guy is forthright about that but willing to entertain her as a possibility, in earnest, some (many? most?) women will reply, “Hey, don’t do me any favors!”
I understand that and I don’t understand that. I think (?) many of us, male and female, agree that looks are nice but won’t sustain a relationship. But there’s this weird blind spot about it or something.
We’ve ruled out that he just wants to jump her physically attractive bones (because they aren’t), which is a good thing. But if he allows for the possibility that he may want her for different (and better) reasons, that’s not ok?
Hypothetically, let’s suppose the woman that the OP seeks decided she really wasn’t happy being plain. Suppose she went in and got plastic surgery, tummy tuck, decked herself in the latest fashions, etc.
Then she’d STILL want a guy who didn’t want her just for her looks, right? :smack: “No, the guy has to cherish me for who I am…” Doesn’t that sound like what the OP is recognizing as a possiblility?
If the OP says, “I know the rest of the world may not think she’s beautiful, but in my eyes, she is,” it would fix everything, right? :dubious::D:confused::smack:
I’ve worn makeup since I was eleven out of a general insecurity that I’m not pretty enough. I don’t know what enough is.
Women alter their bodies in all sorts of ways to please society. I can remember sleeping on brush rollers. That was one of the worst. Tweezing eyebrows, shaving legs, waxing, ridding various parts of the body of superfluous hair, chemical peels, botox, injections, face lifts, permanent makeup, tattoos, piercings, tummy tucks, butt lifts, brow lifts, gastric bypasses, manicures, pedicures, body scrubs, body peels, mud baths, facials, nose jobs, teeth capping, teeth whitening, boob jobs…When does it end?
If you are looking for a relationship that can be the start of something “big,” look for the woman that you can bear without a mask when she is ninety.
I don’t think the problem is that the OP has issues with the girl being “plain”. He’s entitled to his own opinion. I just think it’s wrong for him to think that she’s plain and that he has a right to tell her that to be attractive, she should put on some make up. She’s her own person and she’s going to dress or wear make up as she sees fit. It’s not like she wore make up in the beginning and they have been going out for a while yet suddenly she’s changing things on him. This is how she presented herself from the get go.
As for the OP’s comment about her other attributes “compensating” for her flaws, c’mon, really? She looks how she looks. Don’t make it like she’s deficient as a human being. She has qualities that attracted the OP, and one quality or lack thereof that he doesn’t find attractive. Ok, fine, but to say that she’s lacking because of not wearing make up makes it seem like she’d be a better person somehow if she did just this one little thing.
I get the feeling that if she did do that one thing for him, he’d find something else to be displeased about.
Not quite. Here’s where the disconnect came in–at least for me. To me, the OP’s posts were reading as “I want her to become physically attractive to me so I can jump her bones. And she can do this by putting on makeup, because her face is plain.”
Which I now believe isn’t what he’s saying at all. But most of us are reading this conversation with our own gender biases. Based on my most recent exchange with him, I think he is allowing for the possibility that there is more to her than just her face, and he’s giving her a chance, because the makeup thing may actually be a non-issue and he’ll find her attractive for different (and better) reasons.
Which I find way cool. Provided, of course, that if he isn’t feeling attracted to her after a date or two and still wishes she’d wear makeup, that he just gracefully moves on–without ever asking her to wear the makeup. Because that’s highly likely to come off as offensive (at least to me it would). There’s nothing wrong with not finding someone attractive, of course, but plenty of guys find me attractive without makeup. So if one felt compelled to tell me I suck for not wearing it, I’m not likely to see that as my problem.
Make sense now? Geez, it’s amazing men and women ever manage to get together. It’s a good thing we all have a sex drive or the species would never have made it. :smack:
Anyway, I gotta get some other stuff done tonight…so it was good chatting with you. And if we’re still not on the same page, that’s ok.
I was going to post this exact sentiment.
I’m 39 and I tried make-up…once. That was enough. My husband has never seen me in make-up and even told me once that my lack of make-up earned me some points when we were in the “getting to know you” phase. I told him thats good because I never intend to bother with it. What’s the point?? This is me, like it or leave it and I really could care less what others think. I’m also small breasted but I’m not gonna stuff my bra to try and change that, why would I slather color and goo on my face in an attempt to change it?
I’d be miserable if I couldn’t abide living with what I was dealt at birth. There’s just so much more in life to worry about. The OP needs to realize that girls like us exist and if we’re not his cup of tea he may be better off cruising the Clinique counter at Macy’s for a date.
I really agree with this.
I’m another who rarely paints her face. What I wonder to OP - what type of activities do you wish to engage in with a potential mate? My boyfriend and I like going out hiking, swimming, camping, working up a sweat together cooking in the kitchen or engaging in adult activities. If I was wearing make up, I couldn’t do ANY of those things without messing up my face. Sweat ruins your makeup.
So are you looking for a girl you can only interact with in ways that don’t cause her to exert herself? I guess you could have drinks together, go to a museum? But if you want to do anything physical or outside, you better learn to like her without make up, realistically.
I suggest you move on and find a girl who does the painted look better for you.
I don’t wear foundation, lipstick, or blush on a regular basis, but I do wear eyeliner, eyeshadow and eyebrow pencil every day. I’m also curious to know what the OP defines as makeup.
To address the OP’s question: don’t bring it up.
Well, fine. That’s your opinion, and I may just consider not contacting her again, but I just want to spend a little more time in order to solidify my impression of her and go from there. I don’t intend on leading her on more than is necessary, believe me.
And please you’re trying to make me out as a bad guy in this situation when EVERYBODY DOES IT! I know the feeling of rejection just as well as the next guy. I mean I’m 5 foot 7 for heaven’s sake. Everyone has their criteria of what they are attracted to and if a potential mate doesn’t measure up or meet that criteria, then people get hurt. THAT’S LIFE!
I’ve had to deal with rejection for superficial reasons, now the ball is in my court!
There’s such a thing as water proof make up. I’ve seen the commercials. I just came from the gym and spotted 2 girls working out (and sweating), and they both had makeup. So don’t give me that crap.
Yeah. In life some people are born with physical attributes that they cannot control. All physical attributes that you can name, there is a spectrum, most of it culturally driven, from pleasing to not so pleasing. Some people can pull off the no make up look easily, some can’t. Like with height, some people are born short, some tall. Personally I’ve been rejected for being short. Is that wrong. No. So now you’re criticising me for prefering a pretty face over a plain face. Now that is wrong.
No. I don’t have the right to tell her to wear makeup. You’re right. But I do have a right to an opinion of her attractiveness as a whole, and I do have a right to have certain minimum criteria for physical attractiveness too. People who don’t meet it, are out. Simple.
And no, I’m not so much a perfectionist that I would find another flaw. I actually think I’m easy to please.
I don’t wear makeup in day-to-day life, or I wear so little that you’re average guy probably wouldn’t notice. I have had more than one guy say they just loved how “natural” I looked, they hate girls who look cheap and “plastic”, etc. What’s more, I find that I generally enjoy the company of men who make these sorts of comments.
So I agree with ZipperJJ, don’t bother. She’s wants a guy who doesn’t care if she wears makeup, and she knows there are enough guys out there for whom her preference is not only tolerable it’s something of a selling point.
Weird? Why do you dress up when you go out to dinner? Would you laugh at someone who told you to dress up? Do you get hair cuts? Do you ever get someone elses suggestion as to a certain hairstyle to get?
And no, I’m not going to tell HER about the makeup issue.