I just realized what an absolute bastard I was today

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

:frowning: (Skip to the end for the question, as this is half a rant at myself and half a question)

My job’s partly phones, partly people standing next to me wanting me to take care of them, partly people at a counter wanting me to leave all that and go somewhere else to get them something.

My job is to have 8 arms and 3 bodies and do it all at the some time, because when the phone rings <at least twice a minute> it means there is, yes, someone at the counter wanting me to go get things, and behind me is someone else wanting my attention in a hurry, like, yesterday.

Basically, nothing any mother of multiple toddlers isn’t used to, right?
The phone part tends to be hurried. About half the calls are internal, and they don’t expect anything more than the answer to their question, no hugs or small talk.
The other phone calls are external, looking for information. 10 percent of the time, I can give them their info right away and they ring off and it’s on to the next call <which is already queued, probably>.
The other 90 percent of those external calls are people angling for more info I can give them. I’d guess 75 percent of those people KNOW they can’t get this info, but are going to try again anyway. It’s apparant in the way they ask for the original info, but obviously are not writing it down; they don’t care. All they want is the opportunity to continue on with a ‘Ok, let me ask you this…’ at which point I refer them elsewhere, where they also won’t get the info. But they know this, as it’s apparant the phone call has been transferred from there anyway.
Even recognizing that much of the day I am at vroom speed, slightly manic, getting this and that where it needs to be while preventing that and this info from leaking, I just realized that today I was an automaton beyond automatons with a woman on the phone this afternoon.

She needed to contact her brother because their mother had died.
And I reacted as if she’d just said ‘How are you?’ with as much forethought into the reply as if I were responding with ‘Fine, how are you?’

I just realized that, while I do have a fair amount of public customer service under my belt, and have never had a problem relating <too much so, actually; my last sales job let me go because I couldn’t keep from telling the customer the truth :smack: ) …I just realized that, 10 years ago I was doing tech support, and mainly keeping people from asking for warranty work; 5 years ago I was doing fraud prevention over the phone; the sales thing came about a year ago, and now I’m dealing with people angling for info on people who are probably lying about things anyway.
So…any tips for seeming compassionate without actually having to slow down and empathize? I can’t afford to empathize at this job. I’m too good at it, and I will get fired if I step over the boundaries regarding information that can and cannot be let out. And I know the reasons for this, and agree with them, 100 %.

I just need a instant attitude-changer that can switch me from Mother of Getting All Things Done to “I’d love to help but I can’t”, without actually SAYING that.
…

This is turning into a helluva rant, huh?
Anyone else want to vent?

How much of a bastard have YOU been on the job? :smiley:

(I think I like this part better than my rant)

2

FWIW, she wasn’t looking for compassion & understanding, she just wanted to reach her brother. A delicate and fragile ability to cope and DO THINGS, on her part, and probably not at all ready to share grief and commiseration. You may have been exactly what she needed: efficiency and professionalism, dryly provided.

3

Couldn’t agree more. So long as you were professional and not rude, you did fine.

Sometimes it’s a relief not to have to deal with someone’s sympathy when you’re grieving.

4

How about “I am so sorry, let me help you with " " so you have one less thing to worry about.” or something similar. Acknowledge that they said something sad or tragic then stress that you’re there to help with a specific problem.

5

I bet it was a relief. The woman was probably distraught, and didn’t need another sympathetic ear. Especially since you couldn’t actually spare the time. When people find a kind stranger to talk to on the phone, they tend to gush and don’t stop until the floodgates are empty. I’ve used this skill to my advantage to keep from getting another call.

6

I don’t think you were a bastard. A bastard would have said something like “gee, that sucks. And no, I can’t put you through to your brother, dead lady lover.”

You were not inappropriate.

7

Add me to the chorus of “no, you weren’t a bastard”. When my wife died and I was getting in touch with various businesses about closing or changing accounts, I much preferred to hear at most a brief expression of sympathy to having someone trying to empathize with me. The latter was more likely to set me off and made it more difficult to take care of what needed to be done.

8

Taomist, I agree with the other posters. It sounds like you helped the woman on the phone and were respectful to her.

I can’t ignore the little voice in my head that’s telling me to recommend that you read “Fight Club”. I haven’t seen the movie, but I’ve read the book several times. It’s well worth the time and effort.

9

I agree, you were fine.

I’ve worked with customers and the caller most likely identified the issue as a death as too many people use the term “emergency” without having a real issue.

I’ve worked at places where an “emergency” was I need to arrange for someone to pick up my kid. That’s not an emergency. I could see if your kid was now waiting in the cold, but to arrange for someone to pick junior up in 6 hours, is not something that goes to the front of the cue.

The person calling probably anticipated this and didn’t want to say “I need to reach so and so, it’s an emergency,” 'cause then you might ask “And this is regarding, what type of emergency.”

A death really isn’t an emergency, strictly speaking, I mean what if she reaches him in two hours, will the person come back to life? But at least it indicates prime importance.

If it was me I’d probably offer an “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll take care of you immediately.” And then let it drop. The caller doesn’t want sympathy, he/she wants to get to his/her party

10

I just wanted to point out that I originally misread this response (bolding mine)…

“My mother just died.”
“So? You have one less thing to worry about!”

11

I was walking along, up a flight of stairs. There was a woman in front of me. From my reckoning, she tripped over the last step and fell flat on her face. I rushed up and helped her up, but instead of, “are you okay?” The words that popped out of my mouth was, “you know, alcohol isn’t a crutch. A crutch helps you walk, whereas alcohol is more like the step that you never see.”

12

Occasionally I get calls because somebody in the family has died, and to nobody’s surprise, the ski trip is immediately called off. “I’m sorry to hear that. Yes, of course we’ll cancel your reservation, no problem.”

I figure my part in these situations is to, as was said above, make it so there’s one less thing to worry about. I am sorry to hear about deaths in families, but I’m not going to get myself emotionally involved either. I’m just on the fringes of the whole thing.