Well, I had so much fun with my last rant about client phone calls that turned into
a total flame-fest, I thought I’d start another one. I call this one the “Impossible
to Write Down Message”. It goes a little something like this:
“Mr. Johnson’s office…”
“Is Mr. Johnson there?”
“I’m sorry, he’s unavailable right now; Can I take a message?”
[at this point in the conversation I’ve taken to sort of repeating the message back
out loud as I write it, to sort of remind the caller that there’s a problem of actually
physically having to write a message - but I try to do it in earnest and not in a
sarcastic way at all]
"Allright, Joe…Smith…from…Smith…Corp. You…talked…to…Mr…Johnson…last…month…regarding…a…deal…with…”
[at this point they usually become impatient and interrupt me as I’m writing]
[the caller becomes impatient again and rattles off yet another changed
message, yet he still doesn’t make it any more concise.]
This goes on and on until one of us gets frustrated. I feel like people somehow
expect me to directly transfer the incoherent idea in their head directly into my
boss’ brain, without using written English words.
How do you guys handle these situations? (And please don’t say, “I transfer
them to his voice mail” )
I would say something along the lines of “Sir, I’d be happy to pass this message on for you, but let me make sure I’ve got this right…” and read back what you’ve written. If he keeps giving you more, write that down, and still ask to read back the whole message. If he remains difficult, say “Sir, just to make sure this message is communicated to Mr. Johnson the way that you’d like, would you like to leave it on his voicemail instead?”
If the caller is expecting your boss to call them back regarding the matter, a perfect transcription is not necessary. Just get the high points. In your example, I would have just left a note for my boss saying, “Mr. Joe Smith called to regarding a prior meeting to discuss a deal with Jones Corp. He would like to set a time to meet with you again on the matter.”
When your boss returns the call he will be able to speak with Mr. Smith directly to get the details, at which he will likely pass them along to you. Hopefully they will be more coherent. I think this is far less exasperating to the caller as well. You can let them prattle on without interruption, and your boss gets the gist of the message - that he needs to return the call and be prepared to talk about that particular meeting.
GorillaMan are you a secret sibling? My mother does the same damn thing, usually on her cell phone, so the message is interspersed with “Look at that new store”, “Hmmm, sure are a lot of green cars on the road”, and other bits of useless random ramblings.
Ha ha - that’s great. Actually, I usually end up writing something similar to that. Then my boss picks up the message and dramatically squints at it as though it’s written in Sanskrit. So I ignore him.
If this guy is a salesman, there is NOTHING you can say, do, sing, excrete or detonate which will discourage or deter him in the slightest. He is a lower lifeform that has mastered flattery but has yet to develop courtesy. If you have repressed frustrations, feel free to mess with his rudimentary mind as a release.
He will call back, and continue calling back, until:
a. The Sun goes nova 8 billion years hence.
b. You have found more rewarding employment and it is no longer your
concern.
c. Mr. Jones or whomever is actually in his office and resigned to being
pestered by this termite.
If he is a lawyer (yours or theirs; doesn’t matter the slightest…), you can fulfill your duty to your boss only by insuring that they NEVER actually speak to one another. Corporate lawyers are called “deal killers” for good reason.
In all other instances, you may forward them to voice mail with a clear conscience. If they balk at modern technology, such as the flush toilet, central heating and voice machines, then they are unlikely to be contacts of commercial value.
I hate THESE too. I usually say in a VERY sweet voice, “Oh, I’m sorry, I failed speedwriting” when they get super impatient.
But normally, I just “take control” of the conversation.
When they start rattling something off I state very firmly in a nice but “brooks no argument” professional voice “Name of company?”. “Phone number”?
“And this is regarding a meeting? he’ll know which one”? “Is there anything else”?
If they try to start in with the speed messaging again, I politely, but firmly remind them that they’ll have much better use of their time if they repeat their “speedmessage” to the desired recipient rather than someone who can’t possibly write that quickly, or fit that much on a tiny message pad.
Yes, I still get the occasional idiot, and some of them are still all huffy, but who cares? Let 'em be all huffy, as long as you’re being polite and helpful, you ARE in control.
The ones I hate are the calls for my boss where the caller pretends to be his personal friend. Or it’s an obvious salesman asking for him. A salesman who wants to sell him toner. My boss is the head of a $500MM company. He does not deal with toner. He doesn’t care about toner. He has a staff of people to take care of toner. These callers usually either ask for him by his official legal name, which he never uses; or they use a common diminutive to make it seem like they are friends. Said diminutive is one my boss absolutely hates and never uses. Thus, they have exposed themselves not only as annoying salespeople but also as liars in trying to pretend they are personal friends. Then when I say he’s not available and I can help them with whatever they need, they say they’ll call back. I have taken to advising people that they can call back but they will never, ever get through to him without telling me their name, company, and exactly what the nature of the call is. Some people chuckle at my straight-forwardness, some call me a rude bitch (even though I am polite while saying it), and others just hang up.
I have worked for this guy for many years and I know all his friends. He’s got more than 3,000 names in his contact database and I know pretty much all of them, at least by sound. People pretending to be his friend cannot fool me. Too bad they refuse to realize it.
Ah, yes. The old “I’m your boss’s best friend!” spiel. It’s really easy for me to weed those guys out. See, I work for a company that is a teeny tiny drop in the bucket for a multi-national Japanese-based corporation. It’s not Toyota, but we’ll use that name for fun.
Me: Good morning, Toyota. This is Avarie.
Them: Um yes, I’d like to speak to Mr. Toyota, please.
Me: I’m sorry sir, that’s not possible.
Them: Well why not? I met him at a conference just last week and he gave me his card and said I should call.
Me: I’m sorry sir, you must be mistaken. Mr. Toyota founded our parent company in Japan in the 1840s. We just happen to use the name in the title of our business.
Those people crack me up, because they seem to think that somehow, the boss really wants to talk to them about buying toner, and the only thing keeping them from doing so is me, and if they could just get past me…
Here’s a clue to all salesmen: The boss doesn’t want to talk to you.
See, * this* is why you never answer the phone at work, and let all calls go to voicemail. At least, that’s what we do where I work now (well, we look at who’s calling first, and then let it go to voicemail). This company rocks.
I used to have this happen a lot when I was temping at a non-profit organization (it was a two-month assignment, so I knew everybody’s name, as it was also a small office). Anyhow, the president of the society I worked for was a doctor of psychology, and always went by Dr. Lastname, except to his colleagues. He also didn’t work in the office where I was, he worked out of his own office.
At least once a day, there was a sales call for “Jeff” that I took. No, you can’t talk to “Jeff”. If you were his friend, you would know that he can’t be reached at this number. Also, you wouldn’t call him Jeff, because he goes by his first full name to those who use it.
[QUOTE=missbunny]
Then when I say he’s not available and I can help them with whatever they need, they say they’ll call back. I have taken to advising people that they can call back but they will never, ever get through to him without telling me their name, company, and exactly what the nature of the call is. Some people chuckle at my straight-forwardness, some call me a rude bitch (even though I am polite while saying it), and others just hang up. QUOTE]
I used to be an assistant, I loved these people. I would say that exact thing. I never understood how you could function in business and not be aware that senior executives don’t feild their own calls.
I also had this:
Me: Good Morning, Widgets R Us, Obsidian speaking.
Rude Salesman: Mr. VP, please.
Me: May I ask who’s calling please?
RS: It’s an important business matter.
Me: May I have your name and company, please. I need to announce the call and see if he’s available.
RS (very impatient): This an important, confidential business matter I can only discuss with Mr. VP.
Me: Surely your name can’t be confidential.
RS: I’m not explaining myself to the receptionist. Do your job and put me through to Mr. VP and maybe I won’t tell him how rude you were to me."
Me: You’re not talking to the receptionist, you’re talking to the Executive Assistant to the Vice President of Business Development. I am doing my job by screening his calls, and if I were you I wouldn’t plan on speaking to him today.
RS(after a long pause): Uh, I thought you were the receptionist. (Pause) I’ll call back.
Me: I’ll still be here.
What’s crazy is he did call back! We had virtually the same conversation.
I also had someone call and insist that he’d been told to call Mr. VP by “A woman who called him”. I pressed about exacty who, and he said “Her name began with an O.” (Acutally the very common first letter of my real first name) He starts listing common names. I ask him if he’s sure it wasn’t a “P” or a “J”. No, it’s an O, I’m sure of it.
Well, sir, sorry, but I’m the only O in the office, and we’ve never spoken. He told me I must be wrong! Where do these people get the nerve? And what How To Hawk Crap Over the Phone book tells them that being rude to assistants will actually get you transfered?
)